Cristina
by CristinaYang4ever
Summary: This AU begins two years after Cristina left in S10, so what happened happened if that make sense. Warning for character death. Angst and dramas assured.
1. Chapter 1 Like a Virgin

Chapter 1 Like a virgin 

A/N: This is a translated version of the original work authorized by the author Fiona (She doesn't have a ff account unfortunately), she's still continuing with the work. Up till now, she has already posted over 100 chapters/ 300K+ words. I've only finished the translation of the first few chapters so stay tunned!

Also, those who read my fic will realize that Fiona inspired me of some plot in mine so all credits go to her for her wonderful work!

OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 _Bad dreams always last, good dreams always end in a split second. You think you have it all, but you always end up with empty hands. Then comes remorse, the constant and frequent regret... If only I hadn't got on that freaking plane, if only I hadn't agreed to accept the freaking Harper Avery, if only I hadn't succeeded in printing the freaking 3D functioning heart, if only I hadn't said yes to Burke's request to take over for him, if only I hadn't left SGH. So much as...if only I hadn't freaking determined to be the best surgeon in the first place..._

But it's too late now, isn't it? Nothing could start over again, right?

Witnessing the plane on fire and broken into two pieces right in the middle, Cristina was constantly cursing the universe in her mind. However, she didn't scream like the other passengers, she's a private person after all. Making a scene in front of everyone else before dying doesn't suit her because she's a freaking cold, selfish and competitive person. On the other hand, this is indeed the most appropriate farewell for Dr. Yang, isn't it? Dying under warm cover, surrounded by families and friends and taking the last breath in peace is never suitable for the tough Cristina, isn't it?

It just doesn't occur to her that it would be so soon. Cristina signed in abjuration, trying her best not to feel the weightlessness brought by the rapid plane crash and the screaming of people swept away forcefully by the air flow.

Even if she's the best surgeon, there's nothing she could do about it. But shit, god knows how much she hates this powerless feeling. This feeling that whatever she does, she can't salvage anything. She just sit there and watch everything happens.

Just like when she opens the patient's chest but find there's nothing she could do. Just like when she was doing compressions non-stop but the guy on the ambulance wouldn't breathe...Just like, just like when she was facing George's body but her eyes were frozen and couldn't produce tears, just like when she heard Izzie's decision to leave over the phone but couldn't utter a word...Just like when she was facing the divorce paper Owen gave her, her heart was trembling but she didn't know what to do except for signing the papers. Or just like a long time ago, when she was left lost and broken on that unfinished wedding. Or just like in the beginning of everything, when she was bleeding out in the OR and couldn't answer the question raised by Dr. Burke even if she knew the answer...

Powerless, yes, she's feeling powerless and desperate now rather than fear or sorrow. Whatever she does wouldn't change anything. She used to be scared to death when a part of her was repeating those words to herself. She used to swear to herself that giving up is better than being out of control. That's why she signed the divorce paper without a doubt, that's also why she terminated the pregnancy...twice...with two different men, the first time of which she didn't even acknowledge the father.

Cristina Yang is inapproachable, fearless, heartless and the best surgeon. This is a compliment, though with sarcasm. But she would like to think of it as others' jealousy when they couldn't be her. However, the invincible Cristina Yang couldn't compete with death and karma after all, could she?

With another drastic vibration of the plane, Cristina grabbed the rail of the seat unconsciously. It is so lucky and so strange that her seat wasn't blew away from the cabin. This is against science, the freaking seat number is so close to the cracked cabin door that it should be dancing samba in the trophosphere by now. Maybe it's due to the reaction force between the internal and external force...

 _Crap, I am indeed a strange person_. Cristina grins ironically at herself and discard the scarf blew to her face from god knows who. _Even till this moment, I am still capable of exploring the speculative science. But the most delightful thing for me now is that I can finally prove the debate lasting for thousands of years between the science and religious field- whether there is such place existing as heaven or hell_. It's such a pity that I won't be able to publish the paper in Science journal, or else it would definitely cause a hit even larger than printing a 3D heart...

Waves of dizziness and nausea hit her. _Whatever it is, based on the degree of pain, it was possibly a lethal trauma. If I were in SGH with Derek and Owen operating on me, maybe there is still hope. But under the circumstances ...death is probably 100% guaranteed_.

She just wish that the trauma wouldn't look nasty, she wants to keep her last piece of dignity at the funeral... The pain lasts, but is fading away as time goes by, _this is not good, this indicates that my organs is starting to fail_...Cristina couldn't concentrate anymore, familiar faces started to flash one after another in her brain...She's always doubtful about the so-called near-death experience but surprisingly it does exist...her step father, her mother... _Izzie, George, Alex, my dear 'MAGIC' fellow interns...of course the always reckless and loyal twisted sister- Meredith._ _Mere, sorry I have to break your heart...Owen, yes, my Owen, maybe leaving you is the worst decision I have ever made in my life, but forgive me, I couldn't admit it even till now...Finally...sure enough it's that face...that black, arrogant, handsome man that always leave me with his back to chase after, that man I could never reach but enjoyed his life without me all the same..._  
 _'Edra wants to be a mom. She's trained as a surgeon, and she gave it up. Now she stays home and take care of the kids. She's supportive of me, of my dreams. Edra is the love of my life. She's my world. My family is my world. I don't want you, Cristina.'_

He said it in a sweet and soft tone but he's also freaking cold and proud. _Are you showing off your happiness? Your I-can-be-happy-without-you happiness? Or are you telling me what I gave up back then? Telling me what I could never obtain?_

 _Shit, Shit_...desperation and rage cracked in Cristina's chest at the same time, compressing everyone of her nerves. _I'm not wrong, I never made the wrong choice! So no, I won't regret my choice, never have and never will, even for one second! I'm living a life that I want..._

The most dramatic pain struck her at last, in the surrounding waves of screams, the tough surgical legend Dr. Yang, the Cristina that never panicked slipped out a sharp scream.

A sharp ring of the phone wrecked the peace at night. Meredith rolled over in exhaustion, trying to tell herself that she didn't hear anything. But Zola brust into a loud cry before she could wake up. 

"Ok,Ok." Meredith tried to calm Zola while reaching for the phone. This better be good, she groaned. Waking up a surgeon that had just finished a 36 hr on call, whoever it is has to have a perfect reason.

"This is Dr. Grey. How can I help you?" Meredith answered with a weary tone.

"It's me...Owen." A shaky voice came from the other side of the line, he seemed to choke on his sobs.

 _Owen? At this time of the day? Must be something big._ Meredith felt herself wide awake at once. _Owen is an extremely calm person, no one knows better than I do. After knowing him for so many years, he had never ring me at midnight with his trembling voice. Unless...No, that's impossible._ Last night she just spoke with Cristina on the phone. She was annoyingly cocky as usual, clamouring her speech for Harper Avery Award. _That tough woman god can't even manage to defeat...But for the love of God, why, why on earth is my heart beating so fast..._

"Owen, tell me, what the hell happened?" Meredith swallowed hard, trying to suppress the trembling of her fingertips.

"Meredith, it's Cristina. She...she's in an accident..." The microphone slipped from Meredith's palm immediately.

"Sir, Sir, are you alright? Sir, can you hear me?"

In the dim light, a slim but tall figure was about to lean forward and fall to his side until a black and strong arm hold up his body against the marble desk.  
"Yes, I'm listening." After a few seconds of silence, he answered with a hoarse voice, in his usual calmness.

The calmness seemed to settle the nerves on the other side. He swallowed hard and plucked up his courage to go on delivering the news.

"Dr. Burke, like I said earlier, the plane that Dr. Yang took crashed. All the passengers together with cabin crews, that's 298 people altogether. No survival was found. After the airport called, the board gathered an emergency meeting. But everyone was on edge and had no idea what to do next. You know, after you left, Dr. Yang took over for all the management of the institute. Without her, we...we..." The crew on the other side choked on his voice and didn't know how to continue. He spoke again after a long term of hesitation. "So, we came to the conclusion that only you can take a grasp of this whole situation. We know with everything going on in your family now...but we couldn't think of another way, the institute was in a mess. We already sent someone to the accident scene, but what to do afterwards, how to host Dr. Yang's funeral, how to keep the institute running...Please come back and help us with that, Please."

The voice on the other side was anxious and eager, but the man didn't answer, he just stepped back slowly until the large shadow of the trees outside the window skillfully concealed his usually calm and cold face. No one could see through the look on his face... 


	2. Chapter 2 If tomorrow never come

Chapter 2 If tomorrow never come

A/N: Thank you Olya-la, Pellham and burrito88 for following the story and Olya-la, unnamedconspirator for your awesome reviews!

*Beep, Beep, Beep*

The regular rhythm of the machine continued running gently and peacefully, like a warm hand caressing Cristina's heart. It's the sound of ECG monitering system. It feels so familiar, so comfort and so relieving. If the so-called heaven exists, then this is it in the wild imagination of the arrogant Dr. Yang.

Heaven? Cristina cringed inwardly. The tragic scene before the plane crashed suddenly flooded back in her memory. _Yes, the plane I took crashed on the way from Zurich to Seattle_. She was planning to take the opportunity to visit her former colleagues and friends cause two year's separation had made her miss them terribly, it's a pity she couldn't take her plans into action...

 _So I'm already dead now?_ Judging from Cristina's critical thinking, falling from several kilometers to the ground would definitely spare her no chance of survival. _So I AM actually in heaven? Plus, according to my clear mind that is still able to doubt my survival, it could be concluded that I've become the immortal spirit that no way in hell the previous Cristina could have acknowledged its existence._

Shit! Cristina cursed silently to herself. Spirits DO exist, heaven/ hell DO exist. Damn it! Damn the religions! (sorry I'm religious myself, this just sound like what Cris would say, no offence). This came-back-after-death thing overturned what she firmly believed in for 40 years, her values that she clung to her dear life for, her everything. Right now in this moment, she just want to feel sorry for her science world that tilted into its axes.

*Beep, Beep, Beep*

The machine is still running smoothly. Cristina's cranky mood is consoled by it again. Despite the presence of heaven that knocked her out of the winds, this heaven she's in seems alright, isn't it? She could feel she's on a ER bed without opening her eyes. She could feel the silky texture of the cotton quilt, the pillows that smell like sterile water, and...those humming and beeping machines. She took a close listen to them. _Umm, this is ventilator, this is the EKG machine, this is injection pump...yea, I couldn't possibly get this wrong, I'm 100% sure that I'm in a well-equipped ICU_.

It turns out that this is what heaven should be. Cristina opened her eyes slowly. As expected, her sight is filled with white colours. Although her vision is still blurred, she could recognize everything that's located near her in the back of her mind. This is ICU. The one and only place that she was familiar with when she was still alive. It's possible that she didn't know how many windows are there in her apartment, or how many panels are there in the cabinet, or how many chairs are beside the dining table...but these machines, she could never get them wrong, she could tell their precise distribution in the room with her eyes closed.

This is Cristina's pride, the most excellent cardiologist, the reputation and skills that she sacrificed everything, and went through excruciate pain and effort to achieve...

A self-mockery ache came from where the heart should be placed if she were still alive, just when Cristina was determined to suppress her feelings by hard-core self-esteem until it boils as she always did, she stopped dumb-folded. _What am I doing?_ The great Cristina Yang is already dead. The one lying here is nothing but a soul immersed in its own solitude and helplessness. The dignity, the pride, the edge that she had persued her whole life meant nothing to a corpse.

Signs, endless signs, followed by the real self-mockery smirk. I remembered reading in a spiritual study journal that heaven doesn't have a fixed or detailed form of existence, instead it's composed of the memories of the dead. In other words, People will convert the love of their life- either a place or a person to their unique heaven. So, this is the place that I am attached to? This is the place I missed most? The hospital? ICU? The OR?

Cristina couldn't help but curl her lips to an ultimate sarcasm. Typical MO for Dr. Yang, right? She despised the hypothesis at that time, but reality had to sunk in and rub it in her face.

Series of faint but clear footsteps are coming from the outside. Cristina freeze for a second but regain her composure soon. If heaven does exist, there has to be angels, she just couldn't figure out if they would look anything like what her distant childhood memory described so: in white lab coat, with dozens of thick charts and the arrogant god-complex...

"Listen, I know what you call me- the Nazi? Fine, do whatever you like. But keep it in mind, follow my rules or I'll make your life in hell." _It's the same tough female voice that nearly penetrates metal vocals, with undoubtable stern. Wait, is that Dr. Bailey?_

"I know you're praying your resident to come back ASAP to take over you suck-ups and free you from my torture. But unfortunately, before he come back you still have to stick to my rules." Bailey opened the door of the ICU without cocking her head, pointed to the patient on the bed and questioned, "Who could tell me what's the patient's name? Why is she lying here now?"

The bunch of slouchy interns flinched behind Bailey, staring at the thick chart in Bailey's hands and tried their best to recall the content on it. Damn, this is not the one they wanted to follow so they didn't give it a good read.

After a long interval of silence, a tall and slim guy with freckles all over his face hemmed and hawed, "Um, Dr. Bailey, I think...she's the patient hospitalized by car accident two years ago. She had severe internal bleeding, especially in pericardium. The former cardio fellow performed an emergency surgery on her and saved her life. But she had been in a coma ever since. And yesterday we moved her here cause...cause..."

"Laceration of pericardial membrane." Bailey doesn't wait for two seconds to cut him off, glares at him and continues, "We sent her here cause the monitor caught ventricular arrythmia, and FMRI image also showed different brain blow compared to before, which means..."

This time, not only the initial guy that answered the question lowered his head, all the other interns bend their heads, intimidated by Bailey's stern-cold tone, pretending they're racking their brains for ideas.

"It means she is either dying or waking up!" Bailey finally lose her patience and scoffed at them. "Mark, even if your answers are clueless, you're better than other dumbass, so you're in charge of her now. Now scut..."

*Cough, cough, cough*

A faint coughing sound interrupts Bailey's order. She scrowls in annoyance, before she is able to figure out the oblivious intern, she find them gaping at her back, dropping their jaws. Bailey freezes, then suddenly turns around like she just came to an understanding of something.

The pale Asian girl lying on the bed is trying very hard to bury her lips in her hands.


	3. Chapter 3 What I am

Chapter 3 What I am

A/N: Thanks for all the supports, reviews, follows and favourites!

"You know what, you're a scientific miracle. You wake up after two year's coma, unbelievable, unbelievable..." The intern named Mark wouldn't stop babbling to the girl on the stretcher. It's clear to Cristina that he's unnaturally and annoyingly perky.  
"Give me a mirror."

"Do you realize that if it wasn't for the death of all your next-to-kins in the car accident and none of your other distant relatives were willing to take the responsibility, you should have been unplugged a long time ago. Your heart, lungs, liver, corneas and skin would have been distributed to god knows how many desperate patients on the UNOS transplant list...Sorry, I shouldn't have talked about your family's death and your organs at random, I should have beat around the bush...but are you aware that it's nothing short of a miracle that you could wake up! You should shout from the roof tops, of course not for god but for medicine..."

"I want a mirror, give me the damn mirror!" Glaring at the self-absorbed young man, Cristina is left with no choice but to raise her voice and bark at the top of her lungs.

The intern is stricken by her sudden outburst, finally recognizing that the patient has no interest in his attempt to eulogize the great science. On the contrary, she seems to be making a weird request.

"Excuse me?"

"A mirror! M-I-R-R-O-R!"

The intern stays dumb-folded for a while before he finally mutters, "But this is the patient ward, there's no mirror here..."

"Then find one. Right now!" Cristina couldn't stand his abnormally long reflex arcs anymore and starts to screech out at him like an attending ordering her subordinate.

Cristina let out the breath she was unconsciously holding when watching the intern slowly turning around in awe, scurrying to the nurse station. _No wonder Bailey was so pissed at them. These suck-ups are even dumber than hers when she still works here. But at least the moron still knows who to borrow the mirror from_.

Tilting her head, Cristina caught a glimpse of 'her' chart left at the bedside. Several letters were written in black-bluish ink - "Fiona Lin". She couldn't help herself but let out a heavy sign again. Having recovered from the initial shock and confusion, now she's capable of figuring out almost everything that's happening around her with a sober mind.

She was in a plane crash and had slim to none survival rate. She wasn't sure whether she was hit by a suitcase or a wreckage of the luggage rack. She passed out in pain. And then she woke up and...yes, she could swear with this body she has no idea whose it was that she is now in the patient ward of the long-lost Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital. Even if she couldn't recognize the decoration of the room anymore, she could never have mistaken the stern and serious face that belongs to no other than Dr. Bailey.

What happened in between? What is the force that brought her from thousands of miles away to this bed, to this body? Though she doesn't want to admit, she knows that the physical form of 'self' in her current cognition doesn't belong to Cristina Yang. So now she's the revolver who rose from the dead?

Shit! Cristina swear brutally at herself. Her worldview, her values, everything that defined her were smashed to tiny little pieces. She glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall. Should she be grateful that at least she doesn't come back 100 years later when everyone she knew will already be dead? At least now she's in the timeline of a week after the plane crash.

Although something doesn't sound right...Cristina could vaguely feel that something here sounds strange instinctively.  
"Here you go...mirror" Mark swept his way into the room, gasping for air after he handed the mirror to Cristina's hands with droplets still dripping from her IV like he was presenting some sort of treasure.

Cristina couldn't wait for any longer and hold the mirror horizontally to her face to reflect her feature. Now is not the time to think about the weirdness of her situation. Under the circumstances, her priority is to acknowledge 'herself'.

"Jeez, darn it..." Her eyes were fixed to the face in the mirror, her heart sank at the confirmation. This is not the face that she has carried around for 37 years (she's 28 when doing the ectopic pregnancy surgery, plus 5 years of residency and 2 years of fellowship when she took over for Burke, plus the timeline now is 2 years after S10). This is not the typical Korean face that she was starting to get tired of. This face doesn't have the long, thin, monolid eyes and the exotic eye brows that Meredith always made fun of. Even the oval shaped chin is replaced with a protruding one. This is not me, this is not Cristina Yang. This is an alien. The only feature that this new face shared with her is the Asian feature.

"Um...you don't need to be so frustrated..." Sensing her distress, Mark scratched his head and tried to sooth her in a low voice. "You actually look good. You look pretty...I'm not just saying this to console you, you really are stunning...Do you know Nikita? You look a bit like that half-caste Asian actress. You have this special charm of hybrid of the east and the west...Don't take me wrong, I'm not trying to hit on you...I'm just telling the truth, I..."

Cristina squinted at the young intern who's obviously digging himself an increasingly deep hole. Glancing at his blushed cheek, Cristina is too exhausted to address her sarcastic comments.

Maybe this face can be classified as beautiful. The exquisite features, the impeccable curve. The image resembles the old-school portray of an angle in a strict sense. However, she's not me, not Cristina Yang. Cristina shrugged secretly. The idea of switching to a gorgeous face doesn't give her a high or a rush. As a surgeon in the pursuit of greatness and a working of the soul in the way of excellence, her only expectation for the exterior is to be work appropriate, elegant, not always the newest wrinkle, but not out of style either. Physical attractiveness isn't in her vocabulary. She's hot in the scrub, she's hot in the gown. She's hot naked, she's hot polished. In her book, confidence has always been the sole ingredient of harismatic women.

But then again, making a stranger fall head over heels for you with only appearance doesn't seem so bad. She takes one last glance at the blush on Mark's cheek that has extended to his ears by now.

Maybe it's because she's been through hell, maybe it's because she's too well-trained to panic, she's always able to maintain her composure and extreme calmness. Cristina is relieved that she isn't washed over by the impulsion to scream like the casts in soap operas would do under the same condition. Fine, the truth is clear and simple. She - Cristina yang's spirit is somehow vested in this half-caste girl named Fiona Lin. What seems advantageous for her is that this girl has no family, which saves her the trouble to explain to her family about this supernatural phenomenon.

Since her brain has acknowledged her loud and clear that all of her previous memories, self-assurance, skills and education had confirmed her to be THE Cristina Yang, there's no need for her to pretend to be the other completely different self only because she was forced to switch a body. On the one hand, anyone who could possibly care about Fiona or break his heart by Fiona's death no longer exist anymore. On the other hand, the actual, living Cristina Yang has her person, her friends, her partner, the ones that would be devastated for her death. That's why she should tell them, she should tell them that she's still very much alive, just in a different form.

She couldn't help but feel her heart stung at the thought of the people she love. God, she couldn't imagine what Alex, Meredith and Owen is going through right now. They've already been through so many bereavements together. Nobody knows better than she does about the excruciate pain. She should never make her family suffer from that kind of heartache again...

"Mark, right?" _I have to do something_. Cristina cleared her throat and find the voice quite dulcet and gentle, except for part of her Chinglish accent.

But it's not the time to worry about that. She reaches out for the intern still immersing in his embarrassment. "Please page Bailey for me."

"Who? Dr. Bailey?" The intern is alerted by Cristina's poke, he answered her with another question after the initial hesitation and couldn't stop staring at her beautiful face. "Why do you want to talk to her? I'm in charge, you could just talk to me."

"You can't solve my problem." Cristina doesn't want to waste her time talking to him. "I want Bailey." She insisted.

"But there are other patients that Dr. Bailey has to tend to. Besides, it's her son's birthday today, we plan to throw a surprise party for him. Dr. Grey, Dr. Hunt and Dr. Shepherd, they will all attend the party. All the staff have prepared him a gift. We interns even hung LED lights in the lobby. If you feel...um...better, I assume you would also like to...come along..."

Bailey wants to celebrate birthday for her son, that's why she doesn't have time to check on me. Meredith, Derek, even Owen would go...Cristina's hand suddenly stopped in its tract in the air. The piece of information that sounds irrelevant to her initially now starts to float in her brain repeatedly. It finally occurs to her why she felt something was off earlier...

"Tell me, Mark, does the name...Cristina Yang ring a bell?" Cristina swallowed hard before she finally managed to grunt the name through gritted teeth.

Mark's face darkened at the mention of the name. He nodded silently.

"Yea. She used to be the head of cardio here. Everyone says she's the best surgeon, a dear friend and colleague to Dr. Grey, Dr. Hunt, Dr. Shepherd as well as Dr. Shepherd. She left Grey-Sloan Memorial two years ago to take over a research institute in Zurich. Lately...unfortunately...she was in a plane crash...I think she...passed away."

Cristina's heart sank bit by bit at Mark's explanation. She felt a sharp pain spreading in her chest like someone was stabbing and twisting her heart.  
This is why she felt odd...Cristina Yang is literally DEAD, yet her friends and families are still happily moving on with their lives...like nothing-happened-at-all kind of content and peace...


	4. Chapter 4 From a whisper to a scream

Chapter 4 From a whisper to a scream

"How did George O'Malley die?"

"He jumped in front of a bus to save a girl on his way to join the army. He's a true hero. He donated all his organs, including his corneas and his skins to other patients after he passed away."

"What about Izzie? Where did she go?"

"Dr. Stevens was diagnosed with end-stage melanoma, she couldn't be a doctor anymore so she left Grey-Sloan Memorial."

Mark answered all the questions patiently that came from the girl lying on the hospital bed, her face pale as a vampire, despite the fact that he couldn't understand why the patient just woke up from a 2-year coma is so obsessed with the life stories of the former doctors that have left this place a long time ago instead of caring about her own condition. Hell, he couldn't understand how this girl named Fiona even know about these names that even to him are just monuments that belong to the chronicles of Grey-Sloan Memorial."

"Yea, Dr. Grey currently has two kids, she and Dr. Shepherd adopted the African girl."

"That's right, there used to be two Dr. Greys in the hospital, one of them was called Lexie Grey. It's a pity that she was in the same plane crash with Dr. Sloan and they took their last breath together."  
"About this, I've never heard anyone discussing this in any former occasion, but according to the nurse's gossip mill, several outstanding female surgeons have all terminated their pregnancy in this hospital, including Dr. Grey and Dr. Yang...as for the reasons?...I vaguely overheard them talking about it...but I don't know much about the details...they're too private..."

As she expected, Cristina violently fell backwards onto the white pillow provided by the hospital. With each answer confirmed by Mark, the pain in her chest escalated increasingly. She was trying so hard to sugarcoat her situation and tried to fool herself that she's just travelling to an alternative universe, that the Cristina in this universe would be different. Maybe she hadn't been through all of those joys and sorrows, angsts and cheers, life and death with her people, so that they hadn't created those historic and extraordinary memories together, so that her death wouldn't cause her loved ones as much pain.

But the truth leaked from Mark's mouth destroyed all her fantasies and pulled her out of her wonderland. Everything that happened happened. The past few years in this universe are nothing different from those in hers. Nothing has changed in this universe. The only subtle difference is the 'container' currently hosting her pathetic soul loathed in solitude and misery.

Why? Why haven't she heard about the gossip of the heart-wrenching pain of anyone? Or even just a shed of tear with a tiny bit of empathy? Why is every single person that made her who she is and gradually became part of her acting like nothing happened? Why are they so damn calm?

She couldn't even go to the birthday party they hold for Bailey's son cause she couldn't bear to see the look on those people's faces in person, she couldn't stand to confirm her doubt in flesh. But it's clear to her that nobody, except for the little intern bruised and battered by her interrogation, ever mentioned the tragic death of Dr. Yang to her. Everything is running perfectly fine, peacefully and smoothly, just like nothing substantial ever happened.

Cristina turned the pillow over and then turned it backwards repeatedly in fidget. The memory when Dr. Bailey couldn't even step into an OR after George died is still fresh like new. The dreary heartbreak that lingered in the surgical floor for so long after Mark and Lexie died doesn't seem far away either. But why is it that no one is mourning for Cristina, for her? Even the people she love the most - Meredith and Owen are carrying on with their lives...

"Um...Fiona...how come you know so much about the hospital's history?" Feeling uncomfortable about the constantly changing gloomy looks on Cristina's face, Mark finally break the silence and pluck up his courage to question her. But his words are cut by Cristina impatiently before they can be uttered from his vocal cords.

"Mark, all my stats are stable now, I want to be discharged immediately."

Mark was caught off guard and raised his head in hesitation.

"What? I can't ask to be discharged?"

"Well...technically you can if you really strongly requested to do so..." Mark is slurring his words. Ever since this girl woke up from the coma, she's been recovering at an astonishing speed. It's been shorter than a week and she's already as normal as everyone else. Plus the shortage of bed in the surgical ward, he couldn't find another reason to keep the girl hospitalized. He didn't know why, but instinctively, he wants to detain her. "However I would suggest you to stay and observe for a prolonged period to let us monitor..."

"There's nothing to watch. Go talk to your chief of surgery. I want to grasp some fresh air for now." Cristina pull herself out of the bed and marched out of the door without giving him any chance to object.

It's the same lobby, the same hallway, the same staircase, everything is freaking the same. _Maybe she's the only one that has changed, along with people's diminishing feelings for her_. Cristina growled under her breath, then found herself pacing towards the OR out of her control. To the old Cristina Yang, this was the one and only place she could clear her mind and think. Every time when something was bugging her, she would hide in that room and let the strong scent of sterile water sooth her fluctuating emotions.

She still remembers how she used to wipe every shining but cold surgical tools in silence and solitude. The forcep, the clamp, the scissors, the retractor, the probe...those equipments that freeze you from the epithelial right to the heart. The accurate, precise, inhumane and forbidding nature hidden behind her exterior stimulated by those equipments is still lingering at her fingertips...Cristina always believed that her forbidding nature should be the unique and irreplaceable attitude of a surgeon. Maybe only those who could keep their edge forever can share the possibility of becoming the best surgeon, those who could keep their composure no matter what they went through or is going through...including disease, farewell and...death.

But now that faced with her death, when the people she love is actually maintaining the edge that she lost and missed, why is her heart still filled with the unspeakable torment and frustration...  
"Dr. Bailey, is Dr. Grey present?"

An unknown voice came from the scrub room. Cristina decided to stop in her track behind the half-closed door after a moment of hesitation.

"What's up?" Cristina can hear Bailey's stern reply.

"Um..." The guest is obviously scared by Bailey's expression. She hammed for a moment before she finally continued, "It's a mail from Zurich..."

 _Zurich?_ Cristina's heart stung at the mention of the place. _Could this possibly referring to me?_ She leaped forward unconsciously to eardrop the conversation more clearly.

However, for a long gap of silence, Bailey's answer didn't come through the door. The two people in the OR seemed to fall into a deadly silence. _What is Bailey waiting for? She knew about my death a long time ago, didn't she?_ Cristina narrowed her eye brows and waited anxiously for Bailey's reply.  
After nearly a whole two minutes' interval, Bailey's serious voice finally came through the door again. "Is it about...the funeral?"

"Yes, cause it took much more longer than they estimated for the family to recognize the body, they postponed Dr. Yang's funeral till in two day's time. They're writing to invite the hospital to send someone to attend. This is the place Dr. Yang worked so long for after all..."  
"Okay, I get it." The nurse's unfinished explanation was interrupted by Bailey rudely. "Just place the letter in my mail box."

"But the funeral is in two days' time, you want to start booking the flight and the room..."

"Did you forget to bring your ear with you? Did you not hear what I said? Now, the patient with ankylenteron is lying on the table, waiting for me to save his life. Anything would wait after I finish this surgery!"

Bailey's bark is earth-shattering as usual. Judging the situation, Cristina skillfully hid herself behind the door again. As she expected, a young nurse with red, puffy eyes stomped out of the door with record speed. The light of the gallery was turned on in rhythm with her increasingly distant footsteps. Cristina knows from experience that is a sign for the official starting point of the surgery.

This is how a hospital works. Saving a person with a beating heart is always more important than mourning over the ones whose heart had stopped beating. Cristina signed inwardly. The angst in her chest seems to be soothed a bit but the pain raised from a 6 to an 8. _Damn, why am I feeling all this pain? I'm supposed to have a high threshold for pain. I'm supposed to stay focused all the time_. _Will they go? Will Meredith, Owen, Derek, Alex or Bailey show up on my funeral?_ After all, this is the last chance to bid me a proper farewell, they shouldn't miss it even just as my colleagues instead of my dear family.

A weird sense of curiosity blended with confusion and angst starts to rise in Cristina's mind. _Not everyone get the chance to witness their own funeral. What would be more...irritating or weirder than to get the chance to see people kissing my own body goodbye or listening to them addressing their memorial speech to commemorate me? Those scenes are...in my own way...thrilling...even just imagining the scenario made me stiffen_.

Cristina tried her best to mesh down her overwhelming idle curiosity and find herself a reasonable excuse for her to give away to the desire to go and witness her own funeral. Anyway, that would also be a perfect place to decide whether she should disclose her real identity to her loved ones and to choose another different way to live in the after, wouldn't it?


	5. Chapter 5 Losing my religion

Chapter 5 Losing my religion, keeping my breath

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Yea the story is a bit confusing and complex at the beginning, it will start to make more sense as you read through the later chapters. I promise.

"What? Where did you say? Zurich?" Mark repeated the answer coming from the other side of the phone in disbelief, he unconsciously cast a glance at Dr. Bailey who is standing in front of the nurse station, exhorting the nurse regarding the dosage.

"Why did you even fly all the way down there? What? You're going to Dr. Yang's funeral? You don't even know her...Even if she saved your life...But..." Sensing Bailey's sight was moving to his position, Mark started to feel cold sweat dripping from the tip of his nose. "You can't just leave like this. You haven't finished the discharge procedure yet, you still have paperwork to sign...No, you can't do this...You're not a doctor, you're a patient...We still have to do some tests to confirm...No, please, don't hang up on me. You know I'll be penalized by..."

"You will be thrown into the pot by Dr. Bailey and deep fried until you melt, right?" Bailey stared forcefully at the young intern standing in front of her and the phone he was clutching tightly in his fist. A shiver seemed to be travelling along the spine of the tall and weak boy. Bailey leaned her body against the counter in leisure and kindly ran up his unspoken lines, "Where is your patient?"

"She, she's not in the hospital anymore." Mark didn't even bother to look at Bailey's face. He stared down at his shoes in a blue funk, fearing for his life, as if a mold was going to grow from there in no time. "She said she's in Zurich."

"Zurich?" Bailey was stunned. _Damn, is Grey-Sloan Memorial jinxed by Zurich since the past few weeks? Why does every shitty things have to do with the damn place?_ "Why did she go to Zurich?"

"She said she wanted to show up on Dr. Yang's funeral. Dr. Yang performed the humpty-dumpty on her two years ago. She wouldn't have survived were it not for Dr. Yang's surgery. No matter personally or Professionally, she ought to see her for the last time. Dr. Yang passed away, she's an amazing surgeon. Fiona is devastated for her death. Though she didn't get the chance to express her gratitude when Dr. Yang was still alive, she could at least express them to her body..."

Mark bowed his head and couldn't stop chattering and rambling, scared that Dr. Bailey would find a slack to interrogate his negligence in duty. _How could he let a patient escape the hospital like that? He's so incompetent that he couldn't even keep an eye on a girl who woke up from two year's coma in less than a week ago. He's so humiliating..._

"Enough." A hoarse voice immerged slowly from the side.  
"You have to trust me, Dr. Bailey, I did keep an eye on her. I don't know who she heard from about Dr. Yang's funeral. I mean, yes, I did tell her about Dr. Yang's tragic death and I did noticed her look was a bit off. But I really had no idea that..."  
"I said, enough! Shut up, Mark!"

The intern was stunned by the sudden outbreak. He gazed up in horror and found Dr. Bailey gawking at him with violence in her eyes that he had never seen before.

"Dr. Bailey, I..." Mark was frozen in his breath. He didn't know what he did wrong that made Dr. Bailey on her war path, like she was an injured beast and he stole her kids away. "I...I'm so sorry..."

Bailey straightened her breath deeply. She knew she frightened the young and naive intern standing in front of her. But he just have to keep repeating that name, that word...Yang, death, funeral...he made her unable to deny all this anymore. Yang, Yang...Although none of these was his fault...but he made it impossible for her to...to...

"Ok, Mark." Bailey inhaled and exhaled again, trying her best to sooth the erupting emotions in her chest. "I told you, Miss Lin is your patient, so she's still your responsibility until she is discharged. So go, chase her and bring her back! Also..."  
Bailey softened her tone and whispered in a low voice, "Go to the funeral...on behalf of us...this is the place Yang once worked nonetheless."

 _This is a perfect funeral, isn't it? The solemn and venerable cathedral, the well-dressed people with modest staged sorrow. All the flowers, the carpet, the melodious and somber music to set the mood. Everything is just so damn...appropriate!_

 _The only thing inappropriate is something minor. Yes, just one minor detail that couldn't be more minor or more hilarious, which is...there isn't half a man she knew in this funeral!_

 _Nobody, no one, nothing._ Not the woman remarried to the oral surgeon that knew nothing but decorating and redecorating houses, not the cocky and arrogant evil spawn Alex, not the giggling, funny and sometimes prissy Callie, not even Bailey with the mean face, always better at barking than speaking... and definitely not her and him, her dearest dark and twisty sister Dr. Grey, and Dr. Owen Hunt who used to leave sex marks on her butt. There are only people she couldn't recognize. They wouldn't stop babbling about how she had saved their lives, about how she changed the face of medicine on the table in OR, about how great and outstanding is her contribution to the cardiothoracic surgery...

Cristina stood beside her coffin desperately. She clung one hand to the lid of the coffin in exhaustion to support her and stop her from slipping to the side. She couldn't tell what are the emotions about to explode in her heart. She couldn't tell whether they are animosity or anger. She just couldn't stop question herself repeatedly. Why? Why did none of them come? This is her last goodbye, isn't it?

She couldn't pluck up the courage to look at the pale or even horrible face in that wooden cage. She's scared that the scars and sutures on her face which couldn't even be covered by the most cakey make-up would make her gag. She had never thought the last thing she left this world with would be so unbelievably ugly, sad and pathetic...god, she couldn't stand this anymore, she's really going to puke...

"Really touching, right?" A familiar voice suddenly penetrated her ears, with a low voice he grunted. "There are so many people came to see Dr. Yang through her last journey. I heard the majority of them had been saved by Cristina Yang."

 _Mark?_ Cristina knitted her brows in disgust. She wanted to turn around and leave, but she found herself drained of all strength like a meshed potato. She used all her strength only to find herself twisted her neck. _The infuriating whiny intern, why is he everywhere_.

"Don't give me this look. I know you're mourning for Dr. Yang." Catching a glimpse of the twisted look on her face, Mark consoled her, thinking he got straight to the point. "But you should really feel happy for her. I've never seen more patients willingly came to their doctor's funeral than Dr. Yang's. Just think about it. How many lives did she save? How many people got their new beginnings because of her? If there would be one tenth the amount of people coming to my funeral, I would be jumping on top of the roof. Miss Lin, you may not know what this means to a surgeon. This is the best honour and compliment a surgeon can get!"

Fuck the honour, these are all bullshit! Cristina was screaming inwardly. No friends, no families, she's just surrounded by a bunch of people she never really knew...what kind of honour could that be? What kind of content and satisfaction could that lead to?

The only thing she wanted was several shed of heartbreaking tears, the devastated look on her loved ones even if they faked it. Was that too much to ask for? Cristina straightened her body with all her strength, kneaded the rose she had been clutching in her hand to pieces and threw them into the still not closed lid.

"Where are you going?" Mark was following her every step she went.

Cristina didn't even bother to glance at him. She barged out of the entrance with scattered footsteps. Enough. This is enough. She couldn't stand one more minute of these loads of craps. She had to run away from here, from that pathetic and hilarious body, from the room full of turbulent crowd, from that annoying stalker, from this perfect funeral for a surgeon...

She had no idea why everything turned out like this, why her, why the Cristina Yang ended up lying alone in the wooden coffin, with scattered body parts collected from nowhere in the woods, with scars and sutures done by god-knows-who all over her face and her body, with meaningless praise and compliments coming from god-knows-who...

But is that true? She really doesn't know the reason? Warm liquids were floating in Cristina's eyes. She tried so hard to mesh down the waves erupting in her chest...No, No...she did know. Actually, she did know about the reason. She realized that a long time ago, even when she was still alive. She's just unwilling to admit, to admit that all the solitudes and loneliness of yesterday, today, of all the time were all on her. It was all because of her. It is her, it is Cristina Yang that abandoned the people who she should love and who should love her. It is her that was always running away. It is her that was always fleeding from her loved ones when they needed her the most. She abandoned them, again and again, at the crucial times when she had to sacrifice her career or when she had to give up a piece of her. She always chose to give up on them.

She wouldn't compromise so she aborted the child she made with Owen. She wouldn't compromise so she divorced him. She wouldn't compromise so she left Grey-Sloan Memorial. She wouldn't compromise so she threw away ten years of friendship with her person. She wouldn't compromise so she left everyone who had once accompanied her with her journey far behind...She sacrificed all these things to achieve her dream, to become the best cardiothoracic surgeon.

An ironic smirk appeared on Cristina's face. Look at this big and perfect funeral! She did it. She succeeded, didn't she? This is the utmost honour any surgeon could ever imagine, right? Lying alone in that coffin, listening to her patients' gratitude and her fellow surgeons' jealousy and compliments. What is more to ask? What is the point holding a grudge? She asked for this. She asked for the solitude. She gave up. How could she ask them not to forget about her? She stumbled out of the hallway in a curved line. She was so anxious to get out that she started to scuttle.

Cause she wanted so much more...not only those cold welcomes and fames, she wanted those people who truly love her, she wanted their warm hearts that were beating only for Cristina...

She was in such a hurry that she was about to run into the thick and heavy wooden door...She vaguely realized the incoming danger and wanted to avoid it, but she was too exhausted to do so...

"Watch out..." A strong arm suddenly came into view and grabbed her body that was swaying and struggling back and forth. The gentle but distant voice startled her.

"Thank you!" Cristina replies instinctively but felt a bittersweet familiar sense in the man's voice. This voice...the scent...

"You..." She lifted her head up in surprise. But she couldn't move anymore. She just gazed at the man in front of her, dumb-folded in her tract. The good-looking dark skin, the piercing brown eyes, the long, delicate nose, the dimple in his chin and the his thin, soft lips that captured each other. Why is HE here...

"Dr. Burke, you finally came. Everyone is waiting for your speech." The host caught sight of the scene at the entrance. He quickly jumped off the podium and headed towards their direction.

Cristina felt the grip on her arms softened. The always tall and handsome figure was already walking passed her shoulder and sweeping his way into the opposite direction.


	6. Chapter 6 All that I know

Chapter 6 All that I know is I'm breathing

A/N：A big thank you for vickyvicky890 to point out her confusion! Thank you sarphilin1 for the favourites and follows. To answer the guest reviewer's question, yes, Derek and Meredith are in this story, Derek is not dead. As I received lots of feedbacks saying you guys are really confused, I write a Q&A for reference.

Q1: About the timeline and how Cristina died.

First，the timeline of the story starts two years after season 10，everything before S10 on the show happened, everything after S10 is AU in this fiction. For instance, Derek is not dead, Arizona and Callie are divorced but get back together in later chapters, but Cristina did go to Zurich.

Second, in the beginning of the story, Cristina was on a plane from Zurich to Seattle to receive her Harper Avery award（last time she was nominated but didn't win because of foundation's relationship with GSM, after two years of research in Zurich she's winning this time）. And she was in a plane crash again. She physically died in the plane crash （like I said in the chapter no one on that plane survived，her body died）.

Q2: How can Cristina be dead but not dead, and someone named Fiona is Cristina?

First, about the story of Fiona: two years ago from the story begins (which is S10 when Cristina was still working in GSM) ，a girl named Fiona was in a car accident and both her parents were in the car and they died. Cristina performed heart surgery on Fiona but Fiona became brain dead afterwards. In normal condition the hospital would inform the next-to-kins to decide whether to unplug the life support or donate her organs etc. But since her parents died and none of her other relatives would like to take the responsibility to unplug her，She kept lying in the hospital in a veggie state.

Second, about Cristina: When Cristina found herself waking up again from the plane crash，she found her soul miraculously residing in Fiona's body. Where did Fiona's soul go？Well she's brain dead so her soul is dead. She's been brain dead for two years so when Cristina's spirit/ soul/ ghost (whatever you call) reside in her body, her body is 'empty' without an 'owner'. Kinda like her body is a 'puppet' and need something or someone to control its 'movement'.

Q3: How did this happen? I'm confused how could Cristina still be alive after she dead.  
Think of it as Cristina's soul travelled out of her body after she died，her soul was unconsciously finding a body that matches its soul (note I said unconsciously, Cristina had no idea how this happened, which is why she felt her worldview was completely altered after she woke up). Her body died，but her soul/ her subconscious mind didn't want to die so she keep searching for a body to live (well I'd like to think about those movies describing dead people's ghost lingering around loved ones as these ghosts want to live as well, it's just they couldn't find a body that is 'empty' and match their soul). Then Fiona's body came up，it didn't have a soul in it + the brain wave ，magnetic field etc kinda matched with Cristina's soul so her soul get into Fiona's body unconsciously and she became alive again.

Q4: If Fiona is indeed Cristina, why doesn't anyone recognize her?

Because this whole her-soul-live-in-different-body-and-become-alive-again thing can't be explained by science and all her friends only believe in science (no kidding they're doctors, except for April of course). They would just think she behave a lot like the dead Cristina and sense she's kinda familiar. They wouldn't even think anywhere near the truth of what happened. Well, Meredith probably would believe that if Cristina tell her, cause she saw her mom and even talked to her soul in S3 when she was drowned. This is a crazy experience, Cristina wouldn't believe this kinda thing could happen if she didn't experience it herself. So she didn't wanna tell her friends cause they would just think she's joking or think she's crazy.

Q5: Will you give them a happy ending?

Yes, MerDer Bang Calzona they all deserve a happy ending so they're getting one in this story.

Q6: Why did you set such a complex background for the story, making Cristina dead and then alive again?

This setting is really important for the story to flow because this unique near-death experience changed Cristina's attitude and inspection towards certain part of her life ( I can't tell you which part or you'll lose fun reading but Hey take a guess ) . This experience made Cristina softer and more humane.

Personally I think the process of how Cristina learned to love and live her life outside her career and still be hardcore, how Cristina softened along the course but still persevere in herself is the highlight of Grey's anatomy. So I would like to make it right and be as true to the character as possible to describe how she changed her vision towards certain part of her life.

Q7：Why didn't Meredith and Owen come to the funeral?

These will be explained in the future chapters, there's an episode happened to Meredith. Also, for people in GSM, their way to deal with grief is denial.

Sorry about the confusion caused by the story. If you guys have any other confusion that isn't mentioned in this Q&A, please leave it in reviews or PM me, I'll try my best to explain them to you.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO

"Without further ado, let's welcome Dr. Burke for the eulogy." The host declared at full volume and took the lead to applause.

Cristina felt her body stiffened, her brain agitated in chaos. She felt like she was in a train, everything around her faded and fused with the background, only the man on the stage became increasingly vivid. He's so distinct that made every nerve of hers stink. Why? Why is he showing up now...on this funeral...

" It is my privilege to be given the honour to address the speech." His voice still spoke for his arrogance and rational judgments, only in occasional intervals were the softness formed with the passage of time revealed. He was still tall and slim, the sharp-looking, well-fitted black suit made him more attractive than he was nine years ago with his scent of maturity. He just stood there on the podium like he belonged to it, like he was born to stand on the high stage bossing and commanding. He was steady and sure. His brown eyes shared the colour of espresso, rich with reddish brown flecks, with a sense of openness and kindness, like you could drown in the ocean of his gaze.

"I am not sure if I've known her thoroughly. But if you want me to describe Dr. Yang in a simple sentence, then it would only be she's a great surgeon. Among all the doctors I've met, nobody else was more brilliant, more persevering, more precise than she was. She knew her dream. She chase after it. She fulfilled it. She's Cristina Yang."

After a short pause, the audience blessed him with an enthusiastic applause.

Cristina bit her lips heard, staring at the meticulous profile of the speaker.

 _This is what you think of me? A brilliant surgeon? Just like...them?_

"However, no one knows how much she sacrificed for that. Maybe this should be described by her family or friends, instead of me - her former boss and supervisor. But apparently, she's not that wife who would make allowances for her family, she's not that mother who would give all of herself to her kids. She's determined. She's unstoppable. She sacrificed everything for her greatness, for the honour of the best in her generation. She never depends on anyone, or compromise and change for anyone. She speaks for herself. She's the one and only Dr. Yang."

The applause became louder. Everyone started to whisper.

"She's so great." "She's indeed a great doctor." "Not every woman can be Dr. Yang."

"I heard that you used to be her attending. Can you tell us the story when Dr. Yang was still young? When she was an intern?"

A young voice in the crowd shouted, uncontrollable admiration and passion for his dreams were evident in his voice. The man on the stage didn't think he would be raised with that question. He remained silent. He gently placed his hands on the table and glanced across the dignified and majestic windows, and stopped his gaze at a certain point. The question seemed to initiate his long lost memory. After a while, he curled his attractive lips and stated calmly, "When Dr. Yang was young? She was...um...a very eager and stubborn student."

Cristina felt she was stabbed in the deepest corner in her heart. Warm liquids rolled down the corner of her eyes against her will, along with the continuous pain. She inhaled and exhaled deeply. She recalled that morning a long, long time ago. It was so distant that she almost thought she had forgot about it. The morning when she was left in the vacant apartment.

 _(falshback)_

"I'll promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I'll promise you...me." _Who said that? Who said the most astonishing vows with his voice that she couldn't resist?_

"And if I loved you, if I loved *you*, not the woman I am trying to make you be; not the woman that I hope you'll become; but you, if I did, I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go." _Who said that? Who said the cruelest farewell with intentionally slowed down and gentle tone._

 _He flied the kite, he initiated the fights, he put her through the biggest contradiction in her life, he softened her...but all of these moments were too short. They were too short that they were gone before she could reach out and grasp them, just like the fluffy white dress that was cut open right in the middle..._

 _(end of flash back)_

"Fiona, Fiona, are you alright?" Mark's alarmed tone was coming from somewhere far away. His voice sounded surreal.

Cristina waved her hands in the air and straightened herself with the help of his force. She didn't want to hear it anymore. She didn't want to hear a man who exposed his happily ever after to her without her. She didn't want to hear him assessing her life value. This was too ironic, she couldn't take it anymore...

"A big thank you to Dr. Burke who brought in the real Dr. Yang. Let's give him our warm applause again..." The host was engaged in making his conclusions on the podium. Under the stage, Cristina turned around.

"No, that is not Dr. Yang. Or I shall put it in another way...that is not Cristina."

The tall man withdrew his arms on the table and straightened his upper body in a slow motion. Cristina was startled and stopped her tract.

"The Cristina I knew was bright and confident. She knew this and she was proud of herself. She's always straight to the point with no false pretenses so some people hated her. She's lazy so she seldom do her laundries, she would always buy new under wears. She had those magazines she would never read but she wouldn't throw them away either. She's ambitious and she doesn't bother to hide her ambitions from you...She's..." He didn't end the speech. The unplanned and uncontrollable words made his speech fast and disoriented. The crowd was confused by his words which didn't sound like a eulogy at all. The constant whispering kept flaring up. But he didn't care. He closed his eyes and collected his thoughts.

"She's more than a surgeon. She's an adorable woman. When she fell for you, she could be straightforward and bold. You could be burnt by her temperature. She never hide her sarcastic comments from her friends but when they needed her, she always stick with them. She's not used to express her feelings to her patients, but she'll do everything in her power to salvage their lives. Her laugh is never external, they're always internal. She refused to change but not because she didn't love you or she's selfish, but because she's scared that she would end up giving away every pieces of her."

The crowd became peaceful again. Nothing despite the sound of their breaths were audible. Only the deep and gentle voice of a man was hovering in the spacious cathedral.

"Yes, that's correct. That is Cristina Yang. Not Dr. Yang, but Cristina. She's an unforgettable, unreadable and unfading woman. Loving her can be consuming but it is worthwhile. No matter how much she suffered, she's still capable of standing up on her two feet again, and not only standing on top of medicine and life cycles, but standing on the top of the world for eternity..."

"So, we're here today, not to honour the most brilliant surgeon of the generation, not to honour the doctor that saves countless lives, but to honour Cristina - the warm, stubborn and always right Yang."

His voice ended, but silence continued to linger in the empty hall for a long time...until the first few claps fused into an ocean of perennial applause. People clapped their hands crazily like they just crossed a dense fog. The large figure was surrounded by enthusiastic audience again. Several people were forcing their way into the crowd to shake hands with him regardless of background. But the speaker seemed to think he had accomplished his mission. He fetched his long legs and crossed through the space of the crowd meticulously.

"Dr. Burke, that was amazing. Your pep talk...um, no, your speech." The host couldn't stop following him and praising his brilliance. The man with dark skin caught a glimpse of the door in front him before he finally turned around to shake hands with the host for a goodbye.

"You won't attend the rest of the session? We arranged the audience to say goodbye to Dr. Yang's body individually."  
Burke's body stiffened at his mention of 'body' but returned to his normal self straight away.

"No, I'm good." His tone clear and steady, with undeniable firmness. "My wife is still waiting for me. I can't leave her alone for too long. Plus, Cristina wouldn't be too happy to meet me...I'm going to leave." A look of pity appeared on the host's face, he wanted to say something further to keep him here, but Burke already withdrew his hands neatly.

"Sir, how would you define death?" A melodious voice with a strange accent suddenly appeared behind him. Burke stopped and turned around his shoulder. It's a young girl with a gorgeous face except that she's a little too pale.

"What did you say?" He didn't know if it were because of her same Asian-American feature as Yang. The Burke that hated small talks stopped his steps.

"I'm saying, do you think death is a new beginning." The girl knitted her brows and asked with a serious tone. Burke felt an indescribable deja vu from the girl's face.

"You're referring to Yang?" He paused before he continued answering her.

"Maybe. Where do you think Dr. Yang's destination would be after she died? What would she do? Would she feel sorry for her friends and families that are still alive? Would she continue her career as a surgeon? Or would she start a different life?"

Although the question doesn't sound like it came from an actual adult, her look seemed serious. Burke curled his lips and glanced at the beautiful girl that could stop your breath. He's not a person willing to talk about spiritual or religious question with a stranger. But at this moment, he didn't feel like he was offended or impatient at all.

"I don't know what Yang would choose to do. But I know wherever she is now, she will not regret the choices she had made. She will not let her past stand in her way. She would look disaster in the eye and follow her heart." Burke deepened his smile. He felt like the burden that had been lying on his shoulder was lifted for the first time in two weeks. This girl has a face of an angel. She has the power to cure. Maybe he should ask her name. "Did my answer satisfy you?"

The girl was in her own world. She didn't nod yes, nor did she nod no. It's a pity that Burke didn't have a chance to ask about her identity. The phone in his pocket was ringing. That's a ring of incoming text messages. He glanced down in his pocket and stiffened immediately. It's his wife. It's Edra. He have time to stay here anymore. Burke turned around quickly, without an adieu he barged towards the parking lot.

He caught a glimpse at the girl leaving into the opposite direction, fusing into the darkness of the night. Burke slowly inserted his keys into the lock. The unexplainable image of Yang's perplexed figure in a white dress when she was left in the altar came into his mind.

"I'm free." Cristina declared.

Mark looked at the relieved look on the girl's face in confusion. He couldn't keep up with her thought.

"What did you say?"

"I said, I'm free." Cristina inhaled the air deeply. For the first time since she woke up, she felt the air was incredibly fresh.

Mark scratched his head and although he still didn't get her, he swallowed back his questions.  
"Ok. Let's introduce ourselves again. Little intern, I only knew your first name- Mark. What's your full name?" Marked glared at the hands reaching out to him in awe but answered anyway.

"Um...I'm Mark Avery."

"Avery? As in THE Avery?" Cristina repeated in surprise but regained her chuckle soon. "Ok, Avery it is then. My turn..."

"I know who you are, Miss..."

"No, you don't." Cristina cut the boy's words and cocked her head high in pride.

"My name is Fiona Lin."


	7. Chapter 7 The end is the beginning

Chapter 7 The End is the Beginning

A/N：Thanks for the reviews. Please R&R, rewiews delight me and delight leads to more updates^^

"Shit." Cristina flopped down on the bed, staring down at the diploma in her hands, feeling the urge to curse the universe.

 _A M.D. diploma? What the hell?_ After all the contradictions and internal struggles, just when she was determined to throw away her past and begin the new life journey, she found out that this Fiona Lin had survived 6 years of medical training.

 _This is pure irony and hatred from life._ Cristina put the green cover of the diploma into her mouth and chewed it hard to let out her rage.

 _No, hell no, I'm not doing this again._ Last time, she sacrificed so much to thrive for the best and to be the extraordinary surgeon. How could she repeat the same path again and end up all alone again? _Screw it. Even if the original Fiona Lin did graduate from medical school, so what?_ Now she- Cristina Yang is in charge of this body, the future is in her hands.

 _OK, it is settled then. None of these happened._ She didn't find the M.D. diploma and no way in hell would Cristina yang become a doctor again, whatever doctor it is - a surgeon, a gynecologist or a dermatologist. Hell, she doesn't want anything to do with medicine. It is true that the hospital gave her a high and a rush. She doesn't regret a single decision she made in the past. Her career used to be the only thing that spoke values to her. But now she knew, this job was not enough for her. She needed more, she wanted more. She couldn't live like this anymore. She couldn't be that woman lying in the coffin alone. Her new start has to be far away from medicine, far away from the hospital, far away from anyone or anything she knew before...She had sweared to draw a line between her memories and her present. She has no intention to cross the line in any near future. _Ok, great. The deal is done, the decision is made_.

Cristina spit out the plastic chunks left in her mouth and stared contently at the crushed diploma. _Damn, this thing was nasty, even more stink than the formaldehyde_. _But at least I destroyed it to some extent_. With a perfect parabolic curve, Cristina threw the piece of paper to the bin. The next thing that came in line was how to feed herself. Cristina jumped off the bed and went for a stroll around the only property Fiona's parents left their girl with - a house in the suburb.

 _What about a lawyer? This is the perfect job for her hostile characteristics. But that also meant 5 years of training starting over at law school._ She's not scared to study, it's just though Fiona Lin might seem young, she was actually around 27. Wasting 5 years in school, especially for women- the weaker sex is a big deal. Let alone law field is similar with medicine, you have to be a shark, both mentally and physically. Dragging a 32-yr-old body and fight with 20-yr-old eager wolfhounds... she doesn't want to lose at the starting line.

 _Then what else? Office worker?_ Fiona Lin's diploma is more than qualified for the job, but then again the regular job with repetitive contents, fighting tooth and nails for a promotion or pay raise didn't sound attractive to her at all.

 _What about a sales or a waitress?_ No fixed hours, salary depends solely on her work hours, no pre-requests for qualifications. The job description doesn't sound bad to her. Even if the social status is low, she never cared about that, she used to try out a bartender and she actually enjoyed that. Except for the part of kissing the asses of cocky customers and putting up with their harassment. Cristina nodded her head in disapproval instinctively. She could already imagine her sarcastic comments stunned the female customers or beating the crap out of the lady-killers. Anyway it would end up badly as a crime or an assault.

 _Then what should I do?_ Cristina paced back and forth on the floor with bare feet. _Suitable for my personality traits, not wasting too much time to study..._ suddenly, she stopped her tracts at the mirror placed at the corners of the room. Her sight locked with the slim and beautiful figure in the mirror.

 _This is indeed a perfect girl. Gorgeous features, pale skin that's nearly transparent, warped boobs, slim waists, peach-honey butt and long legs._

Cristina marveled at the body in the mirror. She couldn't help but gasped. Though she didn't consider appearance as a must for females to express their charisma, she still had to admit that this new body was more stunning than her own. This woman is God's craft. If what Yang had in her previous life was standardized mass production, then what Fiona Lin had was the real limited edition handcraft. Gosh, these beautiful women had it all. Recalling the hospitality the neighbor across the road blessed her with, Cristina signed in defeat. The former Cristina Yang lived in Zurich for two years yet the concierge of the apartment still couldn't recognize her face. Fiona stayed in the hospital for 3 years yet the wrinkled middle-aged man still managed to recognize her at the first glance and scrambled to help her carry her luggage.

"Cause you're the most beautiful angel in our community, sweetheart. Oh, don't be upset baby, though your parents aren't here anymore, all of us are your family." Listening to his sycophantic flatters, Cristina couldn't wait to take a photo of the lechery look on his face and sent the photo to his wife. _So this is the so-called privilege of the beauty? That they could caught men's attention instantly?_ She wondered how Izzie must felt all the time...

Wait...Izzie...The old memory suddenly flooded back to Cristina. She could still remember how she made a crack that if she had Izzie's body she would walking around naked all day. It suddenly occurred to her that the best job that would make the optimum use of this body would be...a model. Since her look is her strength, it would be a pity to waste it. _Even if her height would be a flaw compared to natives like Izzie, modeling is two-dimensional and could be retouched, this face would be enough to speak volumes for her. Another advantage of this job_ _would be she doesn't need to talk much, therefore the Chinglish accent of this body wouldn't be exposed._ As a woman of her words, Cristina picked up the magazines left on the side table out of curiosity and got a flying start to search for interviews. _The original Fiona Lin had these natural features and still chose to go to medical school? That's just...a crime against nature_!

 _Damn, this is beyond exhausting._ Cristina cursed inwardly whilst putting the so-called 'sexiest' pose under the spot light. For 5 hours, for godsaken 5 hours, she had to tolerant these jackass Nazi and annoying man stick ordering her around, switching various outfits and changing all kinds of pose: lifting her boobs higher, lifting her butt higher, separating her legs more apart. She wasn't sure if it was her false impression, but she felt she was becoming more and more exposed and lascivious.

 _How dare these photographers still keep bossing me around like they are purely professionals? They really think she's too dumb to acknowledge what their nasty eyes were engaged in?_ Cristina wanted to ask them to wipe their drooling saliva that was nearly reaching their chins. These jackasses were meaner than the hobos harrassing female waitresses. They doesn't even have the courage to face their preys, they just hid behind the cameras and had imaginary sex with the model.

*Ring, Ring* Just when Cristina couldn't suppress the urge to teach the photographer a lesson, her phone rang.

"What are you doing? Stand still!" Watching her softened her body and left the backdrop, the photographer screamed at her. _Who does he think he is to tell me freeze?_ Cristina ignored his instruction, grabbed a blanket to cover her body that was only left with a thong and scurried towards the exit. _You should be grateful for the phone call or I would have already practiced Izzie-in-the-trailer mode on you!_

"If you get out of that door, you'll never get a chance to come back!" The photographer was still barking orders in her back. Cristina gave him the finger without turning around. _Lady killer, go to hell._

Cristina let out a breath the moment she stepped out of the narrow studio swamped with the strong scent of tobacco and sweats that nearly suffocated her. _This is the bottom of the modeling food chain?_ _Being sliced open like a corpse by flirting eyes, let alone sleeping with the photographer to get a good angle? Damn it!_ The thought of the old man's hands touching her body inside out made her nauseous. _That was physically unacceptable!_

*Ring, Ring* The person calling her from the other side of the line wouldn't give up.

Cristina knitted her eye brows in confusion. Who would that be? She just bought the new cell phone, the only one that knew the number was the doorkeeper of her community apart from the hospital. She didn't even bother to gave it to the shameless middle-aged neighbour bugging her every day. She took a close look at the number. She didn't recognize it but it sound familiar. Cristina thought about it for 2 seconds then pressed the 'answer' button decisively.

"Hello, this is um...Fiona Lin." Cristina hesitated for a moment before she finished her self introduction for the first time.

"Hello, this is NBME."

 _National Board of Medical Examiners?_ Cristina stiffened at the rigid voice. _Why do they have to put sand in the wheels just when she decided to make a clean break with medicine?_

"What do you want from me?" Cristina sounded a little impatient. A long day of 'audition' left her with no patience to slight over the target she had no interest in.

"Oh, Miss Lin, here's the thing." He seemed like he hadn't sensed her crappy mood at all and continued matter-of-factly. "We received the call from Grey-Sloan Memorial informing us that you woke up from the coma. I guess congratulations are in order."

"Thank you." _What does that have to do with you?_ _Do you really care about me? Since when did Grey-Sloan Memorial become busybodies? Why did they inform NBME?_ Cristina cursed inwardly.

"Since you're a registered physician with our committee, we managed to pull out your record for the exam you took four years ago. You took the phase two exam four years ago and then went through one year's surgical intern training. You applied for sitting the phase three examination, however you missed the exam due to the car accident, which is a pity. So we're calling to confirm if you still want to proceed with the test. If you do want to continue your career as a surgeon, we have to revaluate..."

"Thanks for asking. I'm not interested in being a doctor." Cristina cut his endless stream of words rudely. No kidding, she would never put herself through all that heart break again, even if he begged her.

"Oh...that's good to hear." He notably breathed a sign of relief. "We were worrying about...never mind, this is a win-win then. Congratulations again for your revival, we..."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Cristina was pissed by his weird wording and phrasing, she questioned him in disgust. "A win-win?"

"Please don't mind my words. I'm just saying your choice would be the wisest decision for both of us and saved our precious time." Though he was a bit slow, he sensed Cristina's unpleasant tone and tried his best to explain himself. "You've been in coma for two years after all. You know what that would do to your brain and intelligence. And being a doctor requires constant learning and topping yourself. If you wish to proceed with your career, we would have to reevaluate your professional skills and knowledge to decide your competence. Now that you claimed you don't want to be a doctor anymore..."

"Wait, are you implying my intelligence was influenced that I'm too dumb to be a doctor?" Cristina began to act like a challenged hedgehog with its hairs standing on end at his humiliating comment. "Who gave you the right to judge me!" "Miss Lin, I didn't mean it..."

"Then what do you mean? If you want to debase my professional qualification and capability, you have to state your evidence! Slanders without evidence is not acceptable!" Cristina cut him off furiously.

"Miss Lin, I never intended to..." Scared by Cristina's outbreak, the person on the other line started to slur on his words. Sounds of swallowing his saliva were passed on through the line. "I'm...I'm just saying if you wish to proceed with your medical training, you have to prove to us you're still capable of...um...your position...so..."

"Spill it, how do you want me to prove it?" The man's despise drove her crazy. Cristina blustered out of her mind.

"Retake the phase two exam." He declared in a low voice but added in fear, "Of course, we could give you six months top to get ready."

"Not necessary. I don't need any time to prepare for it. As long as you have standardized tests and patients, I could take the exam tomorrow!"


	8. Chapter 8 My favourite mistake

Chapter 8 My favorite Mistake

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Yea, I know, having a chance to relive your life is incredible, though Cristina wouldn't think so. Please note that in this AU Warren and Bailey divorced. By the way, I was watching Acro Army from AGT and was totally astonished by their stunts. Why didn't they win? They totally deserved it!

 _I'm a moron, an utterly moron._ Cristina grunted in a low voice, glaring at the letter in her hands for one more time in despair. A line was printed with new Times Rome on it, "Your result for USMLE phase two exam is 250, you passed."

 _250? Yes, I'm nuts_. _I can't stand a few prods that I went and took the test_ , _and most stupidly, I passed_. _Cristina Yang, what are you trying to prove? That you're still capable of being a doctor? That your intelligence is still at the top notch? That you didn't forget your professional knowledge? Tell you what, you only proved that you're a completely, utterly moron._

"Fiona, what are you doing in Grey-Sloan Memorial? Did the hospital give you any notice?" A familiar voice approached Cristina's ears. She secretly rolled her eyes at the sound. Mark's face with freckles fell into her sight as she expected.

"Hi." She greeted him reluctantly and began to walk pass him.

"Wait, you still haven't answered my question." Mark dragged her sleeves with perseverance. _Damn him, he touched me!_

Cristina suddenly narrowed her brows until Mark withdrew his arms shakily in fear of her fierce look.

"Little intern, I'd say do not stick your nose into my business. But since you work here, how about you tell me where can I find Ben Warren."

"You're looking for Dr. Warren?" Mark scratched his head out of habits. He couldn't understand why this gorgeous angel was always cranky. "Usually at this time of the day Dr. Warren would be assigning residents their work. I think he's probably still there, follow me. But..." Mark hesitated for a few seconds but still added, "Can you tell me why you're looking for him?"

"I'm looking for him for a tiny, tiny simple favour." Cristina glanced at the frightened look on the little intern's face, "I'm gonna tell him I'm not accepting my internship at Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital!"

On the narrow hallway stood a high and handsome black man in a crowd of dandified caucasians. He was delivering his instructions gently but in a serious tone.

"Joe, your job for the day is the clinic. I know what you want to say, but for the patient with cerebral tumor Dr. Shepherdess picked Stephanie. The rest of you come with me to the ER entrance. There's an incoming ambulance. UCC informed us about a car accident on high way. They're sending two severely injured patients here. Remember to assign your interns before you leave."

The man's voice was low and attractive, the smile at the corner of his lips seemed warm and cozy as usual. Sensing the distress of the pretty woman besides him, he patted her shoulder, trying to sooth her about her bad luck.

"Ok, Jo, wipe that look off your face. I had no idea Dr. Shepherdess would switch assistant at last minute. I assure you that I'll recommend you for her next surgery."

"Immature." Cristina was standing silently by the door initially, she couldn't help but let out her sarcastic comment in a low voice.

"Who are you? Who allowed you to step inside?" Apparently Cristina's voice was louder than she thought. The black man withdrew his hands placed on his colleague's shoulder and suddenly turned around over his shoulders. His gentle gaze turned sharp when he caught sight of Mark followed by.

What surgeons hated most was others peeing on their territory. Mark's face turned to pale white in fear knowing these resident's crappy mood. He pulled the corner of Cristina's shirt nervously. But Cristina seemed oblivious of the situation she put herself into. She raised her large piercing eyes and stared right at the handsome black man's face.

"Hello, Ben...no, Dr. Warren. I'm Fiona Lin. Can I have a minute? I have something to talk to you." Dr. Warren's thick eyebrows arched almost invisibly. His deep sight shot a quick glance at Fiona's exquisite features and her fearless expressions.

"Miss Lin, right? Since you're brave enough to comment on my decision, then I can assume you heard me loud and clear. Now, neither me nor any surgeon here has time for your questions." Ben smirked at her after a less than 2 second's interval and strode his legs towards the entrance regardless of Cristina's instantly darkened face. He glimpsed at Mark who was punishing himself and stood silently facing the wall.

"Dr. Avery, what are you waiting for? When I move, you move. Now as your punishment for being late, you're getting all the enamas tomorrow." Mark's face turned paper white at his words. He felt nauseous instantly. _A whole day's enema, a whole day...this is unexpected calamities_. He shot a look to Cristina's still tensed face in despair and kept up with Warren nonetheless, resigning to his fate. In a moment, all the doctors in white lab coats followed Dr. Warren's steps out of the clinic except for Jo who started to tend to her patients with distress written all over her face.

"Dr. Warren, I won't account for too much of your time. Just one sentence." Witnessing all the doctors stepping into the hallway, Cristina started to scurry after them and growled across the hallway, not giving up. "At least hear what I'm here for."

Behind Dr. Warren, all residents were casting glances at the pretty young girl secretly. _Who is she? Why is she chasing after Warren? Is she some one night stands that Bailey didn't know about?_ The residents couldn't help but started to gossip about the worst possibility and smirked silently.

"Aron, shut it, I'm not interested in your perfectly white teeth." Sensing Cristina's intense stares and his colleague's tumult, Dr. Warren stopped at his tract and informed his companions reluctantly. And then he gestured Cristina a stop sign with his hands in a serious face.

"Miss Lin, I don't want to answer your questions. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I don't know who you are or what you want to talk about. Let me put this straight- you're the new intern the hospital's going to assign to me, but you don't want to do your internship at Grey-Sloan Memorial. Am I correct?"

Cristina quivered at his words, and once in a lifetime, a surprised look appeared on her face. A look of satisfaction appeared across Warren's eyes. He deliberately continued the conversation calmly like he didn't sense her stunned expressions at all, "I read through your application forwarded to the medical boards. But now is not the time for your personal crap, please stay here in the hallway and wait. If you have the patience and determination, wait until I saved the patients' lives who just went through a massive car accident."

Mark was stumping towards the OR, he ran pass the hallway, beating his head off. He screamed in panic before he even reached the door nob.

"Dr. Shepherdess, Dr. Shepherdess. Dr. Warren was asking for you. ER received a patient in coma, the scalp of his left temporal lobe was torn, he kept vomitting and Dr. Warren suspect that he may have subdural hematoma..."

"Stop yelling. Dr. Shepherd found her patient had cerebral edema so her surgery was cancelled. She never showed up here today. And you called her Shepherdess to her face? Are you looking forward to death sentence?" A clear but impatient voice came from Mark's side and interrupted with his scream.

"Cause there are two Shepherds, we just want to differentiate them." Mark answered instinctively, then stopped dumb-folded in his tract. _Who was asking me?_ He turned around in panic, looking for the source.

Cristina's slim and petite figure was lying on the wall beside the OR, playing with the pre-Op agreements that was hung high on the wall out of boredom.

"Fiona? You're still here?" Mark was stunned by her presence. It had been 4-5 hours from the morning. The girl was indeed following Dr. Warren's instructions, waiting at the hospital. Even from his knowledge about this girl's hostile characteristics, he could hardly believe she's that obedient.

"Dr. Warren is still busy with his patients?" Cristina asked, knowing the answers already. Watching Mark running around looking for attendings, she could already tell today's patient was something.

Mark shook his head as she expected and suggested carefully in sympathy, "How about you go home for now. I'd say Dr. Warren would be pretty swamped until mid night."

"Then I'll wait till midnight." Cristina's tone was firm. _Is he kidding me? Cristina Yang would never postpone what should be done today to tomorrow. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today- that's her principle._ Sensing Mark was still struggling to say something, she patted his back forcefully, "OK, shut it. Go on, find your Dr. Shepherdess. But do NOT say that in her face." Mark staggered at her pat. _Though this girl is petite, she sure has strong upper body strength_. But patient's lives come first. He scurried to the direction he was coming from, short of time to bid her goodbye. However, he bumped into another intern as soon as he turned around. "Mark! Great, you're here." The intern was a head taller than Mark, his rigid body similar to an athlete. He dragged Mark's body that was nearly slammed towards the ground by his push. He shouted at Mark, "Dr. Shepherdess already went to the ER, you can stop looking for her. Dr. Warren wanted you to help out at the clinic. The accident was more severe than expected so the paramedic made those with milder injuries looking for help in the ER. You're in charge to deal with their injuries." "Me? But I don't have any experience...I never..." Mark was instantly dumbfounded. Though mild injuries referred to common scratches, he only started his internship two weeks ago. He never got a chance to deal with the patients on his own. His companion couldn't care less about his reactions. As soon as he finished passing on the message, he turned around and left. "Wait..." "Ok, Dr. Warren said if you have any questions just ask your brother. Jackson Avery was in charge of the ER. Mean face, I don't have time. Dr. Shepherdess already allowed me to scrub in for the patient with subdural hematoma!" Before Mark could utter another 'wait' and stop him, the intern already disappeared at the other end of the hallway inexcitement, leaving Mark stunned in his spot. _This is so...inappropriate_...Mark stiffened his body in desperation. _He wants me to ask Jackson?_ If he could, he never want anything to do with that Jackass. This bunch of surgical hungry intern that would do anything for a chance to scrub in... He hated them when they turned into hungry hyenas at the scent of blood. Suddenly a hand reached from his back, grabbed his collar and dragged him along the hallway. "Fiona, what the hell..." "Shut up kiddo," Cristina stopped him impatiently without stopping her steps, "The hospital is a combat, interns are soldiers, you either get used to it and train yourself like a hungry hyena, or you gave the battle and let them straddle over your body. Complaints? Hesitation? Those are useless craps, you'd better throw them into the wind. But one thing you have to bear in mind- you follow your boss's order, no matter what happened." 


	9. Chapter 9 The first cut is the deepest

Chapter 9 The first cut is the deepest

A/N: There will be a shock and an episode happening in the next few chapters, stay tunned!

Please leaves reviews on what you think about the story and thank you _roganjalex_ for your follows and favourites!

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It was a complete chaos in the clinics. The tiny space was stocked with stuck-pig alike squeals, painful moans, bleeding wounds and grumpy complaints. Normal day-to-day patients were swamped with victims from the car accident, they were exchanging glances in fear whilst waiting to be called by the doctors.

It was proven that Mark's concerns were unnecessary. Jackson was too busy to make small talks with him, he just waved his hands and assigned Mark to debride other patients. There were no communications between them except for Jackson's random complaints about Mark's clumsy. Mark exhaled a breath of relief. He always looked up in awe upon his brother who he shared the same family name with, but only half of his DNA. Especially now he was Mark's superior...The thought of the horrible reality often left Mark breathless.

"You're unnaturally dumb." Cristina sat down beside Mark, commenting his suture techniques matter-of-factly, "Like you were never properly trained." Mark's needle trembled and poked the patient's skin. The middle aged man who was suspecting his qualification in the first place yelled on top of his lungs immediately.

"God, is there a qualified doctor here?" The man cursed under his breath, his sights lingering on Cristina. "I assume you're also a doctor, why don't you try and help me."

"I'm not an intern here so I'm neither interested nor allowed to suture you." Cristina ignored the eyes poking her in the back like swords. She straightened herself in boredom and stretched her arms.

"By the way...Fiona, you really went to medical school? I mean...you don't sound like a people person, how did you pass your interview?" The question had been swirling in Mark's head for a long time ever since he heard Warren's words in the hallway.

"Yea." Cristina replied without ado. "Not only did I pass my interview and get into medical school, I actually passed the test of first two phases, finished my intern year training and is currently applying for the phase three exam. But since I lied on the bed in Grey-Sloan Memorial like a corpse for two years, NBME hoped that I could repeat my intern year."

"Then why did you tell Dr. Warren you don't want to join the programme in Grey-Sloan Memorial?" After hearing her reporting statements, Mark observed her face tentatively before he continued with his questions.  
"I'm not against Grey-Sloan Memorial...okay, it may have something to do with this hospital as well." Cristina shrugged, " I'm just done being a doctor."

"But you learned for years..."

"So what? I'm done with it. I'm done with facing a bunch of blubbing patients every day. I'm done with back-to-back surgeries around the clock. I'm done with being elbows deep in the endless examinations and treatments. But what do I get? There are always more patients dead on your table than those you saved. There are always more patients rubbing it in your face than those appreciating your dedication. I'm sick of death. I'm sick of all the sacrifices I made to become a surgeon. I'm sick of sacrificing my life, my friendship, even my love...This is a path with no return. I prefer turning back now before I'm too preoccupied rather than regretting my choice afterwards."

Apparently, Cristina's answer was more than Mark had expected. His eyes widened, staring at the girl standing in front of him with porcelain skin and chiseled features. This didn't look like something that would come from a 27 or 28 year old young girl just graduated from medical school with smug faces. The bitterness concealed under the words that appeared to be calm made Mark's heart wrench.

"Fiona Lin, you're...you're..." _...a tempting enigma._ The rest of the sentence nearly slipped by his tongue, but he bit it hard and finally managed to hold it back.

Cristina locked her eyes with Mark's increasingly blushing face, suspicious about what was the object of the sentence he didn't put his finger on.

"What did you want to say to discredit me, smelly boy?"

"I..." Mark gaped at her, he knew whatever he was about to say would only make it worse. "I...I..."

"So this is how you value a surgeon." A warm, gentle but low voice saved Mark from his misery. Cristina was caught off guard, she looked over her shoulder instantly. Dr. Warren's elevated figure was leaning back against the wall of the clinic.

"You're finally done with your patients." She shot back impatiently.

"For now." Warren nodded his head randomly, his eyes not leaving the gorgeous but stubborn face of the girl. "I'll have to admit that I never thought you would really wait this long at the hospital."

"I'm not used to postpone today's job till tomorrow." Cristina fronted straight in face with Warren. Their difference in height made her even more petite than usual. But her stern expression said something different. "Now you know my demand, just approve it outright."

Warren grinned silently, he bent down his head and rest his eyes upon the girl's with a long day's exhaustion. It was a pair of vigorous and eager eyes with an unspeakable sparkle in the almost transparent pupils.

"I need to consider it." Warren opened his mouth slowly.

"What is left for you to consider? I'm the one who quit. I'm the one throwing away years of education. You just lose an intern that's very likely a crappy one. There's always another one, a better one assigned to you." Cristina exclaimed anxiously.

"What I have to think about is the real reason you quit being a surgeon." The girl's overreaction didn't startle Warren. He continued calmly, "And how can you be so sure that I would lose the brightest intern that I could ever come around?"

"I..." This time, Cristina was taken aback. _Ben Warren, you're so carried away. How dare you pull out your mentor face. Did you forget who's the boss. When you were still a resident, I, Cristina Yang was already a senior cardio fellow_.  
"I don't care what you think. I..." Cristina was ready to revitalize and start over.

"Oh, no!" Before her great speeches had a chance to be uttered, the middle aged patient beside Mark rapped out and squealed. His intact hand grasping his nose, turkey red blood was dripping through his fingers. He gripped the unfinished prolene in his hand blankly and asked with his trembling hands, "Sir, are you okay?"

The man was clearly suffering from excruciate pain that he could barely string coherent sentences together. The blood flooded from his nose faster and faster, forming a thudding stream.

"Ah, ah!" The man was yelling like a wounded beast. Desperation and horror filled the clinic in the blink of an eye.

Warren who was smiling rushed off to the man's side. He pushed away Mark who was still in a haze and lowered the patient's head cautiously. Then, he lifted his left arm and applied pressure to his nasal bone neatly. The blood flow finally slowed down in a few seconds.

Warren lamented before lowering his voice, "Sir, how are you? Did the car crash your head?" The man's mood was apparently soothed. He finally managed to come up with a relatively coherent sentence.

"I...I feel dizzy, a bit blurry. I was just scratched in the arm in the car accident, I'm sure about this. There no way that I..."

Warren nodded and gestured Mark to take over for him. Then he pulled out a flashlight pen from his pocket and started to check on the patient's pupils.

"Sir, what's your name?"

"Jonny...Jonny Wash."

"Ok, Jonny. Tell me, what's your medical history?" Warren didn't find dilated pupils so he took out a stethoscope and listened intently to his lungs.

"I'm...I'm always healthy. It's just there's some running nose, bleeding, and I couldn't quite smell anything...Oh! My god, not again..."

Before he could finish his explanation, he moaned in pain again. The blood that had just been stopped erupted from his nasal cavity again like a dancing fountain. In a split second, Mark and Warren that were standing in front of him were smeared with bright red inside out.

"No, No" Mark's face was covered with sweat, he deepened his pressure but it's not working anymore. In less than a minute, the man's face turned pale and he was starting to lose consciousness. Even his breath was becoming shaky. _If this continued, he would definitely go into shock due to excessive hemorrhage._ Warren kept stuffing absorbent cotton into his nasal cavity and pressed as hard as he can.

"Jonny Wash, Jonny Wash." He called out loud, but the patient was already in a coma. _Damn it_. Warren frowned in angst. He could hear his spontaneous breath slowing down, but he couldn't take the risk of the stopping his task at hands.

 _If this continued, the patient would show symptoms of hypoxia. Apart from stopping the blood flow, he should be incubated orally immediately and inhale pure oxygen._ Warren glanced down at his blood-stricken hands. He could clearly feel the wriggling blood vessels under his fingers. Once he let go of his fingers, the blood would most likely explode again. But the patient's face was starting to turn gray. _There's no time for hesitation!_

Warren turned his head abruptly to his side and screeched out at a stunned Mark.

"You, grab a tube, do a tracheal incubation for this guy, right now!"


	10. Chapter 10 Sometrimes a Fantasy

Chapter 10 Sometimes a Fantasy

A/N: What would happen between Warren and Cristina? What about Mark and Cristina? There was certainly a click. Something bad is going to happen, take a guess, let's see who'll predict correctly.

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Mark's face abruptly turned paler than the patient's, his eyes wandering over Warren, distracted, his hands distinctively trembling.

"I...I've never done one..."

"I know you've never done one. But now you don't have a choice. Cause the patient isn't left with another option." Warren lifted his head and softened his voice as much as he could. He understood how scared it could be for the young guy standing in front of him. He would never intend to mess with the clumsy and anxious intern if there's another choice. But the problem was the two of them were the only doctors nearby. Life is too precious to be wasted in hesitation.

"Listen to me, Mark. It's not as difficult as you think. You must have practiced in models when you were in medical school." Warren tried in earnest to sound calm and gentle to Mark. He was patiently trying to persuade the boy quivering like a blancmange. "Think of Jonny as the dummy you practiced on. Trust me, you can do this."

Mark swallowed hard, he picked up the tubes and the balloon placed on the side table with trembling hands. He was well aware of the emergency of the situation. He knew if he didn't do the incubation right now, the patient would die.

"Ok, you're doing good." Warren was deepening his pressure on the vessels whilst he kept an eye on Mark. Mark was inserting the tube into the patient's oral cavity with wobbling hands.

"Ouch!" The man squealed out abruptly in his unconsciousness. Mark bit his lips, he was on edge of bursting into tears.

"Dr. Warren, I...I incubated in his esophagus...oh my god, I couldn't find his trachea..."

"Shh...Shh...calm down. You got this, Mark. Just relax and use your muscles to feel the touch." Warren's forehead was covered with cold sweats, but he knew now was not the time for scolding. "Come on, you've got this!"

"Ah!" The patient screeched out again. There were blood coming from Mark's lips cause he bit them too hard. His hands were shuddering when gripping the tube. _It's still not working_. Warren watched as more blood coming out from the patient's mouth. He knew Mark could have caused a laceration in his esophageal wall. If Mark couldn't do this right he would mash the patient's pharynx and larynx. Warren's face stiffened, he was making the final call. He decided to give up applying the pressure momentarily and did the incubation himself. Although this could cause another massive haemorrhage, forcing oxygen into the patient's lungs was the priority now.

Warren gritted his teeth and counted silently, praying this guy was tough to get through this...3...2...1...

Suddenly, a dashing figure broke his countdown and flashed across them. She grabbed the blade from Mark's hands and inserted it smoothly and meticulously into the patient's trachea. Then she started to inflate the cuff and ventilate the patient without a pause.

Warren stared at the pale but stern pretty face standing in front of him, stunned.

"Lin, why did you..."

"Shut up cause I don't know either?!" The woman answered in annoyance, her piercing eyes not daring to lock with Warren's. Warren smiled silently under his breath. _She's done with being a surgeon? Somebody's body was more honest than her mouth, isn't it?_ Warren bowed his head but remained silent, he just continued with his task at hands. Soon, the patient's hyperventilation slowed down and his face returned from pale gray to normal colour.

Feeling no more blood scrambling to erupt under his fingers, Warren let out a deep breath and released his fingers. He finally managed to save this guy's life for now.

"Mark, stop looking like an idiot and pushed the stretcher here. Fiona, help him to move the patient onto the stretcher. We have to take him for a MRI stat."

Cristina didn't retort upon Warren's order which was apparently in a superior tone. She worked together with a still shaking Mark to move the man into the stretcher.

The patient was sent smoothly into the MRI scanner. Warren and the two interns were standing in the image room, waiting for the MRI results.

"Let's talk about this now, what do you think it could possibly be?" Warren folded his arms and asked tranquilly.

Mark was too scared to answer his questions, he lowered his head in shame. _God, I almost screwed up. If it weren't for Fiona's help, the patient could have died on his watch. His fellow interns were right about him. He's a moron, a complete and utterly moron_.

"Ok, Dr. Avery. Now is not the time for remorse. I'll give you a hell of a time tomorrow. But in this very second, you need to consider all the possibilities carefully." Warren shot a glance at Mark's head that was almost dropping to the floor and reminded him steadily. Then he paused and his eyes wandered over a still pissed-off Cristina.

"Fiona, what do you think?"

"I think I'm a moron." Cristina clenched her fist and mumbled. Hearing her saying the lines that should have belonged to him, Marked gazed up in surprise.

"Fiona, you did a great job there, you know." Warren knitted his eyebrows, slightly amused by her reaction.

"As a person who just swore to get a clean break from being a surgeon, you think I did a great job?" Cristina quipped and curled her lips, her tone irritated.

She couldn't understand what's wrong with herself. _She was determined not to go anywhere near medicine. But when it came to a choice, when she watched Mark incubated the tube into the patient's esophagus, watching the man's pale face and shortened breath, witnessing his life fading away bit by bit in the timeline...She just couldn't help herself. Her blood boiled, her mind in a blank and she just had to interfere...Damn it, damn it. Those disobedient hands, she might as well amputate them_.

"Actions speaks louder than words." Warren gazed at the girl's stubborn face, his eyes crinkled at the sides, "Fiona, you have a heart thriving to be a surgeon, and a fast body of a surgeon. Though you may disagree. Though your reasons for quitting maybe sufficient. But I want you to ask yourself, when you are faced with a dying patient, will he give you a high and a rush? Will you jump on the opportunity like a hungry wolf jumping on its food? Will you do everything in your power to try to save a life?"

Cristina glanced at her hands, she seemed lost in her thoughts. This was a pair of white but not spoiled hands. The skin seemed a bit rough. Her fingertips covered with calluses. Nobody knew the cause of these calluses better than she did. Those were traces left by thousands times of soaking in sterile waters, thousands times of strewing french chalk and thousands times of holding a scalpel. The marks were so profound and persistent that even a two year's coma didn't manage to erase them. _The owner of these hands must be extremely passionate about her dreams of becoming a surgeon._ Cristina suddenly realized that.

Ever since she woke up, she's been taken over by her own life. Never once did she consider about the life of this body's former owner- a young and eager med school graduate deprived of her passionate pursuits of dreams by an unexpected car accident. After two years of struggle and suffering, her body was taken over by a stranger and her spirit disappeared and lost in time. _Maybe I shouldn't have selfishly put only Yang's choice into consideration_.

Cristina bit her lips. For the first time, she was thinking in Fiona's shoes. The thriving heart, the experienced reactions, maybe those didn't just reflect herself, maybe those reactions also reflected a young girl and her dreams of becoming the most brilliant surgeon.

"No matter what you decide to do, do you mind telling me your diagnoses for the patient?" Witnessing the girl's inner contradictions and struggles, Warren quietly placed a hot coffee in front of her.  
"It's just a coffee." Warren shrugged.

 _Just a coffee..._ some familiar memories were swirling in Cristina's mind, her sight started to blur at the long lost memories. _The same black complexion, the same deep eyes, the same gentle tone..._

"The patient has experienced nasal haemorrhage, anodimia and blurred vision. His nasal cavity went through massive haemorrhage without almighty crash. He even experienced difficulties in respiration. I checked his nasal cavity, there were smooth pink lumps. They seemed to root in skull base. So my primary diagnosis would be nasopharyngeal angiofibroma." Cristina didn't touch the coffee. She intentionally composed herself and answered.

"But it's a rare tumor and it's mostly seen in adolescence. Jonny is already 45." Warren deliberately played the devil's advocate, but appreciation already filled in his eyes.

"Rare doesn't necessarily mean impossible." Cristina insisted, "But my diagnosis does need to be backed up by MRI results."

"Good." Warren nodded and pointed to the MRI screen, he waved his hands to the interns, "Let's have a look." The screen indicated clearly that there was a large mass in the nasal-orbital ethmoid area. It had intruded his left external carotid artery, even invading his basal skull.

"Now we know why Jonny bled excessively. Fiona, good job. Your diagnose is correct. Mark, go find Dr. Shepherdess and tell her there's a patient in need of a surgery." Mark followed his order and scurried to the exit, for the second time of the day he was on his way to find Dr. Shepherdess. The empty image room was left with the man and the woman standing in front of the screen.

Warren glanced at the coffee cup left untouched on the counter and asked evenly, "Aren't you thirsty?"

"I just hate coffee." Cristina backed off carefully, trying to narrow the overly close distance between them caused by observing the screen together.

"Oh, really?" Warren arched an eyebrow. He sensed hostility suddenly coming from the young girl he met for the first time. Did I piss her off? He tried to step forward and as he expected, the girl's exquisite face stiffened.

Warren curled his lips in amusement. He would rather refer to the look on her face as panic than disgust. He was surprised that his existence could alert the unshakable girl to a certain extent. _That was a special kind of honour._

In a passing fancy, Warren fronted on purpose until his shadow covered the girl's petite figure. Before she could back off, he smirked and questioned her serenely, "You're not interested in coffee. What about the surgery? Do you want to scrub in with me on Dr. Shepherd's surgery?"


	11. Chapter 11 The name of the game

Chapter 11 The name of the game

A/N: Thanks for the review! Yea it'll be getting even better after 20 chapters but I'm still working on it. Cristina is in a big trouble!

 _Ben Warren is a complete jackass, and the most infamous one, yea I said one, not one of them._ Cristina cursed inwardly before she stepped foot into the locker room that she couldn't be more familiar with.

Last night, the crafty man didn't only lured her to scrub in on Derek's surgery, he stuffed a note into her palm forcedly before he caught her off guard and left the hospital.

"This is this month's rotation for interns. I already included you and readjusted it. Remember, being late is not in my vocabulary." The guy threw the order to her and disappeared in swaggering steps despite Cristina's stunned and stern face.

 _This is blackmail. He's dangling the carrot!_ Cristina gritted her teeth, she nearly lost control and screamed to the empty hallway. But the one she mostly wanted to scream at was herself- a moron who set an alarm, woke up on the time written on the rotation schedule, washed up like a conditioned reflex and didn't realize her stupid behaviour until she walked through the entrance of the hospital. She hated to be controlled, she hated to be bossed around. _No one can lead Dr. Yang by the nose. Anyone who attempted to do it, she would make him pay, maybe not today, but one day._ Cristina swore furiously. _As for now, she would put it aside. Take things as they come, right?_

After last night, Cristina had to admit her "nightmare" fate- to be a surgeon- the everlasting pain for herself and for the initial Fiona Lin nonetheless, but also the everlasting passion and pride. She might had to stick with the plan before she could find a better destiny.

 _"Somebody's body said something different than her words."_ The playful gentle voice appeared again beside Cristina's ears. She frowned and opened the locker as hard as she could.

*Bang* The loud voice startled the few remaining interns in the locker room. They all turned around to glance at the adorable girl who looked like a doll with her features, but was now wearing an infurious look on her face.

"Hi!" After a moment of silence, a tall and rigid man perched his way in front of her and greeted Cristina, "Isn't this the pretty girl with mean face last morning? Hello, ring a bell? I'm Lenard, we met outside the OR."

Cristina ignored him without turning her eyes, she slammed her bag into the locker, apparently not interested in the routine hook up. The man was sent off with a flea in his ear, but his mood was not a bit affected. He bombarded, "Don't be so cold, sweet heart. I'm hot and I'm a surgeon. Are you into the mean face? Don't be fooled by his smart look. He's a dumbass."

Cristina couldn't help but rolled her eyes. She simply closed the door of the locker that was blocking their faces. She looked straight into the man's brown eyes and scolded, " Lenard, right? Let me put this straight. You're an intern, so am I. I came to Grey-Sloan Memorial to save lives, not to flirt with anyone who has a cock. So, if you want anything from me apart from work-related interactions, think twice about it. FYI, the one you called mean face was standing right behind you and judging from his face, I think he's gonna punch you."

The so-called Lenard was visibly astonished. He turned around immediately. As he expected, Mark's pale face came into his sight. His blue eyes widened.

"Dude, I didn't mean that..." Lenard was trying to explain. But Mark didn't seem to have noticed him at all. He walked pass Lenard in a quick motion and fronted towards Cristina. "You're really here." There was an obvious thrill in Mark's voice. "So you took the position? Does this mean you're working for Dr. Warren as well?"

Cristina shrugged and opened the locker again in boredom. She neatly pulled out the intern's scrub and put it on over her head. _Oh, damn it. It's been ten years and she had to put herself back in this disgusting clothes again_. Cristina stared at the baby-blue coloured cloth in the mirror and knitted her eyebrows in detest.

"What did you say? This girl is indeed an intern? And she's working under Dr. Warren like us?" Lenard grasped Mark's collar. Disbelief filled his face.

"Didn't she just say that? Plus, she wouldn't have been here if she's not an intern." A sweet but bold voice appeared behind Cristina. "Lenard, for once, can you stop hanging around like a walking love stick taken over by your lust?" The woman who just quipped at Lenard was a tall girl. A blonde with green eyes, healthy glowing wheat coloured skin, overly plump boobs and a pair of gorgeous long legs.

"Hello, I'm Penny, Penny Duquette. An intern under Dr. Warren's supervise, just like you." The belle smiled brightly, she eagerly reached out to shake hands with Cristina despite the fact that Cristina was measuring her with the eye. _Duquette, another familiar last name._ The thought flashed through Cristina's mind but she didn't think much into it. She hoped the girl has nothing to do with the Duquette she knew. She hated to be drawn into the dramas that she had no intention to be involved. But Cristina still reached out her light-complexioned fingers and shook hands with her.

"Fiona Lin."

"You are THE Fiona Lin?" Lenard screeched out abruptly again. He didn't bother to react to the blonde's squeal and shouted, "You're the genius weirdo who refused the position but successfully performed an intubation on your first try and scrubbed in on Dr. Shepherd's surgery?"

 _Um? That's how they judged me!?_ Cristina cocked her head and thought about it for a moment before she concluded that she was generally satisfactory with the description.

"Um, Fiona, about last night, I haven't had a chance to thank you." Being drawn into the memory last night by Lenard's words, Mark lowered his head and trailed off.

 _He's such a baby_ , Cristina signed silently, thinking that Mark was not suitable for the surgical combat- the law of jungle. _But who knows? George was like this at the beginning, yet he turned out just fine as an awesome surgeon?!_

"No need to thank me, if you really feel guilty, might as well tell me about the rules here. I don't want to the new girl pissing anybody off." Cristina patted on Mark's shoulder wildly.

Marked smiled at her in gratitude, but before he could start, Lenard who was standing next to him took his opportunity.

"As for rules, there are 'the Nazi five' spreading in the hospital. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. They already hate you. That's not going to change. Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. Nurses will page us. We answer every page right away."

The blonde Penny flicked her hair and added with a chuckle,

"Rule number two, we answer the page in a run. On call for 36 hours. We're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. Run labs, write orders, work every second and night until we drop and don't complain."

Mark glanced at the two. He wrinkled his nose but continued reciting fluently,

" Rule number three, if they're sleeping don't wake them unless our patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when they get there. Not only would we have killed someone, we would have waked them for no good reason. Rule number five..."

" Rule number five, when I move, you move." Cristina cut Mark off and continued quickly. _Oh God, why would I missed these stupid rules so freaking much!_

Cristina's words stunned the three, they stared at each other for a while. Penny recovered first, she laughed hysterically, closed the locker for Cristina and commented, "Looks like you did your homework. Welcome to the heaven for interns and residents- Grey-Sloan Memrial Hospital."

The changed four made their way out of the locker room towards the clinic. Mark stalked after Cristina, he couldn't stop gushing over the introductions along his way.

"Fiona, the cafeteria is on the second floor, but most doctors buy their own sandwiches and eat them on the roof. We only had 3 people so we had to give a seat to patient's family or some other random guy. But now you came, we could occupy a table. Also, lounges are not for us interns, only attendings can rest there. So if you're asked to look for an attending, check there first. If we're exhausted, we would normally go to on call rooms to sleep. And remember to be fast, don't be picky or you wouldn't even be left with a blanket. There are vents in lobby and hallway, you could get some snacks there if you're hungry. And..."

"Shut it, mean face. Why do you have so many to say, you're even more annoying than my mother!" Lenard squinted at Mark and rapped out.

"You should let him finish. Those were his precious experience." Penny shrugged. "He made mistakes, that's why he noted in particular. But Mark, you forgot to tell Fiona the most important one, Dr. Warren asked us wait outside the clinic everyday for him to assign us."

"Um...how is Dr. Warren?" Cristina weighed her words and questioned cautiously.

"How? What are you referring to? Teaching? He doesn't like hiding stuffs, though he would snap at you sometimes, he would definitely teach you a thing or two. Surgery? He has his strings, as long as you impress him, you can scrub in with the best attendings in Grey-Sloan Memorial...So, in conclusion, he's not bad. But, speaking of strings, Fiona, guess how he find us those cool surgeries?" Penny blinked her green eyes mysteriously. She seemed wanting to whet her appetite.

"Oh, I know, he's Dr. Bailey's husband!" Cristina had no interest in the gossip she knew for years. Come on, five of her fellow interns including her, three of them slept with attendings, one married a resident, nobody knew better than she did about those 'special strings'. Warren was just applying it to his interns.

"What? Dr. Bailey's what...? Oh, no, no, Fiona you get this wrong...maybe before they are...but now..."

"Now you need to stand still and listen to me."

Penny's unspoken words were interrupted by a stern voice. Cristina stopped in her tract, her sharp nose nearly bumped into a rigid muscle wall.

"Dr. Warren." The other three interns except for Cristina all turned pale, even their greetings sounded embarrassed. Getting caught gossiping about your boss, not a good sign. But luck seemed to be on their side this time. Warren didn't dig deep into their little small talk. He acted like he hadn't heard anything and assigned their tasks calmly.

"Penny, Lenard, you two wait at the entrance for the ER incoming patients together with Dr. Avery. Mark, you're helping out with Dr. Kepner at the clinic today. As for you," Warren cast a meaningful glance at Cristina who was touching her nose, his voice lowered, "Fiona, follow me."

There was a strange tone in Warren's voice, Cristina glanced up at him, but he turned his sight away like he didn't want to lock eyes with her. _Something is up!_ Years of experience had made Cristina sensed the abnormal situation immediately. Someone who was trying to flirting with you yesterday suddenly turned cold today, if the two of them weren't initiating a fight between a couple, then that meant something pretty serious happened.

Would it be the patient? That Jonny Wash had a complication? But it couldn't be, he was stable when he was wheeled back to the wards.

"Dr. Warren." Sensing that Warren didn't want to drag anyone else into this, Cristina followed his steps obediently until the other three interns all carried out their missions and got lost, "Did anything happen to Jonny Wash?"

"Oh?" It was obvious that Warren didn't think Cristina would ask the question. He looked over his shoulder at her but turned away shortly, "You..."

"Something did happen to Jonny Wash, right?" Although the gaze was a split second, it was enough for Cristina to read the angst and depression from the brown piercing eyes.

Warren stopped in his tract abruptly, his mature figure like a rising wall. He just stayed in his position and stopped in front of Cristina for ten seconds until she was thinking she couldn't get an answer from him, Warren suddenly turned around and gripped her shoulder with an irresistible huge force.

"Dr. Warren..." Cristina exclaimed terrified, she even forgot to struggle.

Warren didn't reply her, he grabbed her arms, with a slight effort he quickly brought them to the neighbouring staircase.

"Dr. Warren!" After an earth-shattering dizziness, Cristina stabled her feet. She tried to brush off the hands that were still on her shoulders in anger and kept screaming, "What the hell..."

Warren's hand didn't seem willing to let go. He was still holding Cristina tightly. He bowed his head and stared at the beautiful but panic-stricken face standing in front of him.

"Fiona, quit being so stubborn and listen to me. As you already had this feeling, I don't want to lie to you. Jonny Wash, the patient with nasopharyngeal angiofibroma, he had a complication. He couldn't utter a sound since he woke up this morning. He hired a lawyer. He wants to sue us, to sue whoever was responsible for the inappropriate emergency treatment of Grey-Sloan Memorial last night that turned him into a mute."


	12. Chapter 12 What have I done

Chapter 12 What have I done to deserve this

A/N: There will be more Bang after chapter 20. This is a bang fic so it would be Bang end game. But before that Cristina needs to tie up some loose ends first.

"This is the doctor who gave Mr. Wash first aid treatment last night?" The lawyer in black suit fired on high horse.

Cristina stood in the angle between the walls next to Warren. She bit her lips, trying to fight down the smouldering anger rising in her chest with visible efforts.

In front of her, Jonny Wash was sitting on a round table with Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Bailey, in a stance of interrogation from the disciplinary commitee.

 _Why isn't Owen sitting on the chief's position? Why is Derek who should have long gone to Washington is filling for Owen?_ The situation confused Cristina for a while cause she assumed the two Shepherd that Mark was trying to differentiate were Meredith and Amelia. But soon her attention was drawn to the man skulking behind the backs of the lawyer.

 _Coward!_ Cristina cursed silently to herself. She tried to lock eyes with Jonny Wash for several times, but he refused to have eye contacts with her. Cristina was really curious how he would react to her- the doctor who saved his life yesterday, yet getting sued by him today. But he was acting like a weak-kneed mute in the pockets of his lawyer.

"I have a name." Cristina straightened her body and answered melodiously, "Fiona Lin."

"Whatever." The lawyer shrugged, his sight switched to Dr. Shepherd who was sitting next to him with a stern face. "Since everyone involved are present, I'll repeat myself. I'm Jonny Wash's lawyer and I'm here to file a law suit against Grey-Sloan Memorial. The reason being you used an intern who haven't been officially hired to perform emergency treatment on my client, which caused him permanent damage in his vocal cords and couldn't speak..."

"Sir, with all due respect, I have to correct your inaccurate cognition. A potential damage to vocal cords is a common complication for tracheal intubation. It's not a medical error, it's an unforeseen accident. And no one can sue the hospital for an accident." Derek interrupted the lawyer calmly, in a way neither servile nor overbearing.

"Ok, Dr. Shepherd. I know as an acting chief, it's not your intension to have any episode in your hospital. However, I'm professional and I won't litigate without evidence." The lawyer squinted at Derek arrogantly and emphasized on the word 'acting' deliberately. "Of course I'm aware that a damage to vocal cords are a common complication of tracheal intubation. But my client isn't suing her for the accident caused by the intubation, but for you allowing an intern who wasn't even officially hired to perform an intubation without knowing her actual medical techniques."

"Bullshit, you're importunate!" Dr. Bailey couldn't suppress her anger, she broke out into curses. She was forced here as soon as she was on duty and had to listen to this racist snob scorning her with his nostrils for nearly an hour, finding some lame excuses to sue the hospital. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Dr. Bailey, I respect your professional knowledge, but if you showed any disrespect from now on, I'll add this to my litigation- libel and slander." Apparently, the lawyer was riding roughshod over Bailey. "Had Fiona Lin reported for work last night? I think the majority here knew better than I did. She admitted in the ER that she didn't want to work in Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital, I could easily find over 10 witnesses who was present last night."

The lawyer finished his statement and then eyed Cristina who was still trembling in anger with a frivolous look, "Miss Lin is such an attractive woman after all."

"You scoundrel, hooligan!" The last control inside Cristina was diminished by his obscene shaman. She clenched her fist and was about to rush off to him.

Warren covered his hands in his palm with his eagle eyes and sharp sights. He grabbed her arms and forced her back to her position next to him.

"Let go of me." Cristina was twisting her limbs infuriously. "Screw the vocal cords, you're bullshitting. That's a load of crap. I did the intubation for him. No one knew better than I did. Mark might have scratched his esophagus, but I'm damn sure the blade didn't go anywhere near his vocal cords. He said he can't talk? Let me whip him and see if he could hold back his cries."

"Fiona, you have to calm down." Warren tried his best to restrain her and whispered beside her ears gently, "Mr. Wash's condition needs further acknowledgment."

"That's true." Derek glanced at the still clewing Cristina who was acting like a lion. The weirdo intern was a trouble maker, the first day of her work, she's already giving him such a generous gift. But he didn't hate her. On the contrary, he felt something familiar inside her ever since he saw her the first time in the OR last night. Besides, he could almost figure out the truth behind today's drama.

"Dr. Warren is correct, we hope that we could perform a full set oral examination for vocal cords for Mr. Wash. If there really is a problem, it wouldn't be too late for you to file the lawsuit against us. If you're suspicious that there would be any 'inside job' plot, you could choose a qualified hospital yourself. However, I insist that one of our staff should be perfect during the course of examination."

Jonny Wash's face blushed tremendously at Derek's words. He glance at his lawyer, bewildered. His lawyer remained as cool as a cucumber, he even managed to fake a smile at the corner of his lips.

"Of course, a full check-up is necessary. But Dr. Shepherd you should be aware that there could be underlying psychological reasons for mute. For instance, in this case, my client experienced a nightmare intubation by an intern with no proficiency in her techniques, who scratched his esophagus and vocal cords several times. The trauma was huge and horrible for him. It's highly possible that he could lose his ability to speak because of that."

"What the hell?" This time before Cristina could break out, Bailey jumped on her feet first. "This doesn't make sense at all. For psychological reasons? Psychological trauma? You can't prove that, you could just make that up. What makes your behaviour different form blackmailing?"

"Psychological problems could be vetted professionally." Bailey's rage shaken the lawyer a bit. He swallowed hard before he finally continued, " And the court was OK with the vet."  
"What exactly do you want?" Derek stopped Bailey and asked as calmly as he could.

There was a sparkle flashing through the lawyer's eyes. That's he's been waiting for. He exchanged a glance with Jonny Wash who was standing beside him and stared at him with scary eyes. He opened his mouth with a smirk, "Free medical care. This is what we want to give up the lawsuit, and it's our bottom line as well."

Cristina stumbled into the hallway in anger, she bit her lips hard, nearly caused blood out of them, but the pain brought by her action still couldn't mesh down the rising rage struggling to explode from her chest.

 _Damn Jonny Wash, for god's sake, she just freaking saved his life yesterday, and he wanted a lawsuit, just to save the medical expense? See, this is what you get for being a surgeon_. You saved their lives. _But they thought that was your obligation. Even if you just made a tiny little mistake, they would chase after you like a hungry wolf. Let alone she did nothing wrong._

"Damn it. Damn it." Cristina exclaimed and stamped her feet as hard as she could. Patients, doctors and nurses passing by were all shooting her weird looks but she couldn't care less. She felt the rage was burning her up and eating her alive.

Suddenly, a hand came around her back and grabbed her with a strong force. He took her into the staircase. After he closed the door and isolated the space from the outside world, he uttered peacefully with a low voice, "Fiona, you can't lose it like that in public."

"Dr. Warren, you tell me, where can I, or shall I say where am I allowed to express my rage?" Cristina muttered through gritted teeth without glancing up at the man.

Warren lamented silently. The girl was giving him her back. She lowered her head so he couldn't see the look on her face. But judging from the stiffened body, he could only imagine her anger.

"Fiona, we all know it's not your fault." Warren softened his voice and tried to console her.

"Oh, really!" Cristina let out a sharp laughter. She turned around abruptly, her exquisite features twisted together, "Then do you mind telling me, whose fault is this? I saved his life from the death and he wanted to sacrifice my career? If I had known that, I should never have grabbed the tube from Mark and saved him. I should have watched him die!"

"Fiona, you're a surgeon, you couldn't have done that. You should trust me. You should have faith in Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital. We would all help you!"

"Help me?" The curve at the corner of Cristina's lips became sharper. She cocked one brow and looked straight into Warren's brown eyes in detest. "If you wanted to help me, why did none of you had my back in that conference room? No one is having my back cause the intubation that irritated the patient was done by Mark. Whatever, cutting open his vocal cord or esophagus. But me, my intubation was impeccable, it was perfect! There's no way I could have caused him any burden!"

Warren couldn't help but let out a loud sign again. He fronted and tried to shorten their distance.

"Fiona, you know it. It's not about whose intubation traumatized Jonny Wash, it's he was determined to set up Grey-Sloan Memorial so he doesn't have to pay the expense anymore. And what you said last night gave him the reason. His jerk lawyer knew better than anyone else that if he sued it was Mark's tube that muted Jonny Wash, it wasn't even legally correct. Damage to vocal cords is a common complication to tracheal intubation, no court would accept the suit. But if he came after you, it would be a whole different story. You hadn't reported to work yesterday, so as your superior, I had no idea about your techniques and what you're capable of, neither had I taught you an intubation. And I let you do it under the circumstances. If anything happened, it wouldn't have been an medical accident, it would more probably be an negligence."

"So they put the shit on me, um?" Cristina refused him from getting closer to her, so she backed a large step.

"What do you want?" Warren looked at the increasingly larger empty spaces between the two of them. He felt like the girl was like a hedgehog with defensive splinters, refusing to open up. "Don't drag Mark into this. That would be meaningless sacrifice except for embarrassing his family and his brother, it would do no good..."

"Oh! His brother, his family." Cristina was acting like a wolf being stumped over its tail, she jumped up instantly, "This is the reason! This is why all of you remained deadly silent in that room! You don't wanna hurt the grandson of the great Harper Avery, the dear little brother of Jackson! So I...the not-so-important, the new comer nobody became the best candidate for his whipping boy..."

"Fiona!" Warren was nearly roaring like a beast. He reached out and caught a hold of Cristina's shoulders and stared at the fiery eyes beyond his tolerance.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing? Not only are you making assumptions about your fellow intern, you're making the worst possible assumptions about Dr. Shepherd, about Dr. Bailey, about Grey-Sloan Memorial, about me! You know how much we value you. Though you're only here for one day, we wouldn't want to see you get hurt or being wronged, we wouldn't want to lose you..."

 _Wouldn't want to lose me?_ Cristina felt her eyes blurred. _If you really wouldn't wanna lose me, why in hell did no one came to her funeral, to Cristina Yang's funeral? If you really cared about me, why are you handling my death with such peace and moving on with your lives like nothing ever happened?_

 _No, I don't believe you_. Cristina nodded her head in horror, her bodies began to tremble in fear. At this moment, all the sorrow that belongs to Fiona and Cristina gathered together in her mind.

"No, I don't trust you, none of you." Cristina mumbled repeatedly. _The Cristina that is already dead has lost her chance to make it right, but Fiona who's still alive has a chance. She's not staying in this cold place anymore, even if she's born to be a surgeon, there are so many other great hospitals she could choose, right?_ Cristina raised her head abruptly and shot a glance at Warren's handsome black face.

"You don't have to figure anything out for me. Since you've already decided to protect Mark, since you've already decided to let me take all the fault, then why not let me be. Now, I'm going to tell Jonny Wash and his damn lawyer that I had never been employed by Grey-Sloan Memorial. So I had no qualification to practice medicine here. Dr. Warren didn't give me any order to proceed with the emergency intubation either. It was me. It was all me. I did the tracheal intubation recklessly alone. It had nothing to do with Grey-Sloan Memorial."

The sharp and desperate words coming from the girl stunned Warren. It didn't occur to him that the intern would be so stubborn that she would rather die gloriously than live a shameful life, that she would do something like commit-suicide for her career. He tightened his finger instinctively and wanted to grip the arm in his hands as tightly as he could. But Cristina escaped from his grasp sooner and scurried towards the exit.

"Fiona, stop!" Warren was calling in vein, but he couldn't detain the girl's stiffened figure. The door was opened forcefully and shut heavily.  
"Damn it." Warren was finally brought back to earth. He cursed loudly and strode through the hallway to catch up with her.


	13. Chapter 13 The self destruct button

Chapter 13 The self destruct button

A/N: Sorry for the late update, I was caught up with work and uni. Please support the fic by R&R!

Mark stood outside the conference room with a pale face. He had spent the whole morning in the pit listening to Jackson's bitter and sarcastic 'lesson'. He felt like he could collapse on the bank right now. He was always the guilty one in the face of Jackson, like a criminal that should spend his life making things right for his adultery mother!

"Ouch!" When he was in a haze, a slim figure made a beeline for his arms and took him out of his thoughts.

"Fiona?" Mark gripped the girl's arms in awe. "What happened?"

"I'm fine." Realizing the man she bumped into was half responsible for what she suffered today, Cristina broke away snappily.

The pain from his arms made Mark bit his lips, he finally sensed the rage written all over the girl's face. _Did Dr. Warren piss her off?_ The thought made Mark's heart sank. He could feel the chemistry between Dr. Warren and Fiona ever since they met, a flame that made him jealous from the back of his mind. Maybe they haven't recognized it yet, but as an observer he could figure that out pretty clearly.

"Stop her, don't let her step into that conference room!" Warren's voice was coming from the far end of the hallway. He barked at Mark infuriously.

The tone in Warren's voice seemed to prove Mark's hypothesis, so he loosen his grip unconsciously. Cristina dodged flexibly and pushed open the door of the conference room.  
"Damn it. Didn't you hear what I said?" Warren snapped at Mark, finally catching up with Cristina, gasping for air. He waved his hands in defeat, seeing Mark's reddened face. "Fine, I can't stop what's doomed to happen. You're done here, get out of my way, now!"

 _Is he gonna do something with Fiona that he wouldn't want me to see_? Mark was alarmed at the obvious impatience in Warren's tone. On the one hand, he pretended to be ackowledged and nodded. On the other hand, he placed his ears on the surface of the wooden door immediately after Warren walked into the conference room.

"I did it, it's all on me. I'm not an intern in Grey-Sloan Memorial, everything I did had nothing to do with anyone in this hospital." As soon as Cristina entered the room, she declared her presence before she could stand still.  
The four people sitting around the table that were 'battling' all raised their heads. The room was filled with utter silence.  
Jonny Wash's lawyer recovered first. He frowned and jumped from his seat right away.

"What do you mean 'you're not the intern of this hospital'?"

"Yea." Cristina answered calmly. "If you don't believe me, you can check the record at the application form. When I was performing emergency procedures on Jonny Wash, I hadn't signed the contract yet. So technically, I wasn't the staff member of Grey-Sloan Memorial. My conduct wasn't supervised by the hospital either."

"If you wasn't the staff member in Grey-Sloan Memorial, why did you do the endotracheal intubation on Jonny Wash? Wasn't there any other doctor present?" The lawyer was clearly on edge. He screamed at Cristina. Nobody knew better than him what the girl's testimony meant for the case. Once her words were taken, he and his client would lose the reason to file a lawsuit against the hospital. Even if he couldn't sue Grey-Sloan Memorial anymore, he could go after the intern. But his client wanted free medical care, he wanted money. Even if he could put her into jail, what's the point?

"There were other staff members of Grey-Sloan Memorial at the scene. But none of them were as fast as I did. I grabbed the tube first." Cristina shrugged reluctantly. "I'm a professionally trained medical student. I couldn't let people die on my watch. I did what I had to do to save Mr. Wash's life."

"You!" The lawyer's face turned green instantly. He turned around in anger and shot an understanding glance at the still stunned Derek, "Great, this is just great. This is your strategy, right? Making her the scapegoat and denied any relationship between her and the hospital. Dr. Shepherd, I shouldn't have belittled you."  
His intense scold pushed Derek out of his thoughts. He opened his mouth in confusion, just as he was about to speak, Bailey who was sitting next to him pressed against the back of his hands. He glanced at Bailey in awe. Bailey gave him a look that said 'wait'.

The lawyer couldn't get a contradiction from Derek so he became more affirmative about his hypothesis. He turned over his shoulder abruptly and stared at Cristina, the corner of his lips curved into a sneer, "You're so dumb, so easy to be taken advantage of. What benefits did Grey-Sloan Memorial promise you? Sooner promotion of resident or pick whatever specialty you like? I can assure you now, if you acknowledged that everything were your individual decisions, none of those promises would have a chance to be realized."

He stumped into Cristina's face whilst he was talking. He lowered his head and nearly touched his nose with Cristina's. "Are you aware that all the actions of an intern, an intern that didn't pass phase three exams of USMLE and got her full license should be supervised by her superior. Fiona Lin, where is your superior? Who would be responsible for the medical procedures you did on Mr. Wash?"  
The lawyer's hot breath stank. He spread his breath on Cristina's gorgeous face. His greedy and sharp eyes were darting back, poking her in the stomach like swords.

"Let alone the fact that my client was in a professional hospital with a fame, a hospital with many sophisticated and skilled doctors. I could charge you with murder considering your actions alone!"

"If I wanted to murder him, I would have used a knife instead of a tube." Cristina tilted her head in disgust, meshing down her desire to punch him in his face. The lawyer could sense the girl's disgust but he chuckled with even more evil. A look merged on his face, like he was a cat catching his mouse. He stepped back a bit, as if he was about to observe Cristina's change of expression from a distance.

"Yes, it's true that I might not be able to convince the judge and jury that you intended to murder my client. But I'm 100% sure that they would suspend your license and you wouldn't be able to be a doctor anymore for the rest of your life." The lawyer was staring at the intern, like he was staring at a mouse at the palm of his hands. _She wants to fight me? The poor girl is too naive_. _I'm good at this cat role- torture the mice a bit before I managed to eat them_.

"You want to be a doctor, right? A surgeon? If not, why didn't you just pick an easy job but went through long years of training? Think about it, if you take the fault for the hospital, though my client wouldn't be able to get the compensation from the hospital, your career would be over as well. Twenty thousand dollars versus your whole life. You're a big girl, you know how to bargain, right?"

Cristina pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, a spark with mingled feelings of anger and calmness flickered through her eyes. Another man threatening her with her dreams and her career. He thought he got her Achilles' heel? Maybe Dr. Yang from her previous life would care, but now, the Cristina Yang standing in front of him? Now she was used to betrayal, she was used to being discarded.

She squinted at Derek and Bailey who were sitting still at their spots, remaining silent. For all the time she's been in the room, they didn't step up and defend her, instead they chose to make her suffer from the gangster lawyer's interrogation. They were pretty clear about their stands, weren't they? The testimony she gave matched their intensions. Making an irrelevant intern to take the blame and clear Grey-Sloan Memorial, Mark Avery from the episode. Perfect plan, they may even regret now why didn't they come up with the idea originally.

Cristina knew she was stuffed with rage, and bitterness, the bitterness of being tossed aside. The feeling was like a knife, stabbing her in the chest and brought her a dull ache. She knew this was the best choice for everyone, she knew she was the one who made the choice. She knew she shouldn't blame anyone. She knew she shouldn't blame the people she used to call friends for not willing to sacrifice for her. After all, in their eyes, she's the new intern, she's nobody, she's the one that could be sacrificed for the hospital's honour. But...damn...her heart couldn't stop thrubbing.

 _I picked to be the role, I had to finished the act even if I'm dying inside. I wouldn't show them my weakness._ Cristina tried her best to control the mingled feelings in her chest. She raised her eyebrows calmly, and looked straight back into the lawyer's aggressive eyes.

"Save it, you can't intimidate me. I said I did this. It was all on me."

"Shit." Sensing the firmness in the girl's eyes, the lawyer jumped behind his back, nearly hit the conference table. He had never once in his life seen such a stubborn person. Who would deliberately crash against the rock they knew would be a solid obstacle? He didn't know whether she was stupid or immature.

"Ok, you want to admit it?" The lawyer was still holding onto his ground. He had one last trick he hadn't used. "Fine then. Right here, right now in this conference room with four witnesses in it, could you repeat what you just said, and I would record it and use it as the testimony against you!"  
He went back to his seat and pulled out a small digital recorder. He pressed the start button and sent it under Cristina's nose. _Stupid girl, dare you say that? You knew the moment you say it, you could never take it back._ The lawyer was taking off her coat silently with his eyes.

 _You think I would be terrified?_ Cristina curled her lips ironically. She opened her pink lips without hesitation.  
"I, Fiona Lin, performed a..."  
"Damn it, Fiona. Shut the hell up!" A sudden roar cut off Cristina's statement, followed by a fist punching fiercely on the lawyer's wrist.

"Ouch..." The lawyer retracted his hands in pain. The recorder was dropped on the floor accordingly and slipped under the conference table.

"She's my intern. Whatever she did was under my order." The tall and rigid man appeared abruptly, he leaned his body against the door frame and exclaimed with a cold but firm baritone.

"Ben!" Bailey stood from her chair, staring at the man who was rubbing his hand in awe.

"What are you doing here?"

"Checking on my intern in case she say something out of her mind." Warren stared at the intern sternly, who was still standing there and giving him her back stubbornly. "Looks like I was right."

Cristina's shoulder shrugged almost invisibly, but she recovered her stiffen pose soon.

The lawyer aside was more excited than ever. He marched in front of Warren like a hungry wolf who just saw its food, regardless of his wrists that were still in pain.  
"What did you say? That Fiona Lin was your intern and you ordered her to perform the emergency intubation on my client- Jonny Wash?"  
"Yeah." Warren glanced at the lawyer in disgust and confirmed his words in detest.

"Ben, think twice before you make a statement. Miss Lin did refuse to be our intern, neither did she sign the contract with Grey-Sloan Memorial." Bailey warned Warren with a high-pitched voice, trying to cut off his answer.

"It's true that she didn't sign yesterday. It's also true that she once refused to join Grey-Sloan Memorial. But," Warren caught a glimpse of Bailey's darkened face, before his eyes darted to Derek who was still remaining silent, "But she's my intern, ever since I ordered her to perform the emergency procedure on Mr. Wash. She's my intern. She's a member of Grey-Sloan Memorial. And Grey-Sloan Memorial wouldn't give up on any of its employees, not a single one of them. Whether She's a world class attending or an obscure intern. Am I right, Dr. Shepherd, Chief Shepherd?"

Derek looked at the bold man staring right into his eyes. At that minute, Derek read a lot out of the man's firm and robust eyes. He sensed cherish, protection, begging, rage and...persistence. The persistence in his belief, in himself, in Grey-Sloan Memorial, in hippocratic oath, in the ethics of what humans were born to be. Derek rose from his spot slowly and finally spoke.

"Yeah. Dr. Warren was absolutely right. Dr. Lin is our intern. That is for sure. We're responsible for every medical procedures she performed, especially inside the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial." Then he glared at Jonny Wash who was now over the moon and his lawyer who was acting like he managed to steal the money out of their pocket in aversion.

"As one of our doctor has caused Mr. Wash his loss, we would consider reducing his medical expense and continue to offer him with free medical treatments."

With a victory smile, the lawyer stepped out of the conference room in pride, dragging a Jonny Wash with a mixed look on his face. Derek who was stalking them shook his head in loath. He gestured Warren towards Cristina who was still as stiff as a statue and implied him to keep an eye on the tough girl. Warren nodded at him and mouthed him "I got this".

"If I'm done here, can I get back to my job?" Cristina asked with a tough voice after Derek and Bailey walked out of the door, regardless of the code signal between the two men and the satisfactory look on the lawyer's face. "I offer to help out with Dr. Avery in the pit, of course Jackson Avery."

"Fiona, you're..." Warren felt an urge to suffocate the girl in front of him, at the same time he couldn't help but want to protect the slim figure. "Can't you just act like a common beautiful girl, even once in a while?"

"Dr. Warren." Cristina turned around slowly, her light face in a stern expression. "I don't know what is called a normal girl. Should I throw myself into your arms now or burst into tears?"

"I never expected such a scene." Warren chuckled gently, showing his white teeth. "Though I wouldn't mind if you did so. But at least a simple thank you would be appreciated."

Cristina was taken aback. Her translucent eyes looked into a pair of black eyes, they were a warm sea, silently reflecting her face in it, like she could swim in his eyes.

"Thank you." She spluttered unconsciously, lost in her own thought.  
"You're welcome." Warren smiled even more tenderly. "Promise me, from now on, whenever you make a decision, consider my suggestion first, Okay?"

"I..." Cristina wanted to say something wise, but nothing came to her mind. The feeling of being protected and taken care of touched the soft spot deep in her heart, where she had only let her dear Mere, Owen and...Burke in.  
 _Thanks for trusting me. Thanks for protecting me. Thanks for not giving up on me when I needed you._ There were so many words swirling in her mind, but she couldn't string a coherent sentence.

"Ok, wipe that look off your face. I said Grey-Sloan Memorial wouldn't give up on a single employee, neither would I give up on any of my little interns. So go to pit, you're assigned." Warren waved his hands in the air, pretending to lose his patience. Cristina bit her lips. She hesitated for several seconds before she finally nodded obediently.


	14. Chapter 14 Save me

Chapter 14 Save me

A/N: Thanks for the review, it meant the world to me, really glad that someone likes it, it's my favourite piece too. Cristina is facing a tough choice, stay tunned to see what she would do!

Warren followed Cristina out of the conference room, he was grabbed by a sheer force when he was about to catch up with Cristina.

"Miranda? You're waiting for me?" Warren glanced at the face that couldn't be more familiar to him. He questioned in a not-so-surprised tone.

"I have a question to ask." Bailey's face was stern. She went straight to the point, "You're protecting her, the intern. Do you know her? Or..."

"Yesterday was the first time we met. For now, our relationship was strictly superior resident and subordinate intern." Warren replied calmly, "I wasn't trying to protect a good-looking chick. I was having my intern's back." Bailey carefully examined him in the eyes for a while before she finally nodded.  
"I trust you. You know better than anyone else that I hate the extracurricular activities between mentors and students. Besides, don't you think what you said back there was inappropriate?"

"I don't reckon I said anything that I couldn't undertake." Warren shrugged.  
"You don't think, you don't reckon..." Bailey stared infuriously at the guy she used to share her bed with. "Do you have any idea what you said could cost Grey-Sloan Memorial? It's not about the money, but the name of ER!"

"Miranda, I know you care about this place deeply, even more than the chief. But you should know that what Grey-Sloan Memorial boosted are not only fame and academic records, they are the loyalty and spirits of the doctors that it's composed of." Warren exclaimed with dignity in his voice, "The Grey-Sloan Memorial I know would never let any of its members take the fault for it, whether it's Mark Avery or Fiona Lin. She's one of us!"

"What? You think I wanted to sacrifice her career to save the hospital's name?" Bailey stood on her brows, she felt rage building up inside her. _Years of marriage, this man still couldn't fully understand who she is. He couldn't get her_. "Yea, I did suggest not to disclose that Mark Avery also tried to intubate the patient, and I did stop Derek from preying to compulsions and let his rage speak for him. But I most certainly did not intend to make her the fall guy. Did Jonny Wash has psychological issues? Did he ruin his vocal cords? Those can be assessed by specialists and any reckless decisions we make before the results are disclosed would only bring the hospital and the intern troubles. I hope that you, Derek and that girl could wait calmly instead of scrambling to be your so-called super hero!" Bailey bombarded a storm of her speech and strode across the hallway without looking back.

Work had once again proven itself to be the best anaesthesia. After sending the last patient to the ward without troubles, Cristina breathed a sigh of relief. Back to back patients had prevented her from thinking about the shit Jonny Wash caused her to go through. Although the physical exhaustion resulted in stiffness and soreness, it disengaged her brain. Now she could finally enjoy her lunch.

"Well done, way to go!" Jackson patted her on the shoulders to show his sincere appreciation. The intern who had just started her first shift stunned him with her superb techniques. She was crafted and clean-cut. She wouldn't cross the line and she was bang-on with every orders and instructions from her residents. Ben sure did dig the gold. Jackson was now regretting not spotting on the weirdo rock star when he was choosing his interns.

Cristina curled up his lips politely in response to Jackson's compliment. If she couldn't even accomplish the job of an intern after being an attending for four years she might as well drown herself into the Puget Sound.

"Fiona, here, here!" Soon after she bought her sandwich and coffee, a blonde with icy green eyes waved at her intensely whilst she was still processing which seat to choose. _Penny, you're unnaturally perky_. Glancing at the "interns of Warren" association, Cristina rolled her eyes inwardly. She held her tray and walked towards them.

"Hey dear, just sit here." Penny was exhibiting her shiny smiley face that could dash your eyes. She patted the seat next to her warmly and didn't bother to stop until Cristina landed her hips on the chair.

"I heard that Jonny Wash who came in yesterday was a hell of a heckler." Lenard who's as rigid as a rugby player grumbled whilst biting on his huge hamburger.

Cristina was not in the mood to talk about that. But her interest rose when she caught a glimpse at a reddened Mark lowering his head in panic, like a guilty man apprehending danger in every sound.

"You do have your source. Who told you that? Share with me your secret connections." She deliberately raised her voice and acted like she was half joking.  
Lenard rotated his eyes. He grimaced at Mark, but soon returned to his normal state.

"Since they're secret connections, I couldn't tell anyone." He curved his lips in loath and stumbled, "But that Jonny Wash was an ass. You and Dr. Warren saved his life, and then he paid you back by doing this? Unbelievable!" Apparently, Lenard was trying to switch the topic. Cristina signed silently at Mark's severely blushed face. _Anyone would lose the desire to chase after such a shrinking violet_.

"Screw him. Patients always went behind your back." She was playing with the straw in her hands, an annoyed look on her face. "They think you're too dumb. They would say they wouldn't have made the same mistake if they were doctors. But that's because they had no idea how diseases work. That's why they could say such irresponsible things. It's easier said than done. If we came across bullshits like this, I don't know what else I could do apart from cursing the universe. Pray that I wouldn't be kicked out from the programme..."

"Fiona, I...I'm sorry." It seemed that Mark couldn't take the pressure brought by his guilt anymore. He cut Cristina off abruptly. Rising from his seat all of a sudden, his eyes were glistening. He mumbled, "It's my fault...I was clumsy and I hurt Jonny Wash's vocal cords. I am the one that should be punished, me..."

His weeping tones with regrets quickly drew the attention of people enjoying their lunch on the roof. Everyone was dropping their forks and staring at their table.

"That's enough. Sit down! You've made plenty of a scene." Penny reached out and forced Mark back to his seat.

The other three around the table lowered their heads and pretended they were gulping down their food like it's their first meal in a week.

"Damn!" Lenard exhaled deeply when he noticed people had gradually withdrew their attentions back to their friends and their food. He barked at Mark in a low voice, "Mark, are you out of your mind! Playing the public apology scene."

"I...I..." The boy was on his verge of bursting into tears. "I'm so sorry. This was all because of me but I made you and Dr. Warren took the fault."

"You didn't mean it." Cristina was not used to bullying the weak. She knew Mark was really trying his best to save Jonny Wash. He was just so nervous and rusty that he made mistakes repeatedly. Besides, it's not Mark's attitude that pissed her off, it's Derek and Bailey's behaviours as the board.

"No, it's not. I meant it. I didn't pluck up the courage to..."Mark muttered for a while and finally swallowed his saliva, "I overheard your conversation with the lawyer outside the conference room this morning. I heard you said that you weren't a staff member and you wanted to take all the fault alone, I...I was standing right there. I should have pushed the door and told everyone the truth cause I performed that terrible intubation. But I was dumb folded, I couldn't move, I..."

Mark bit his lips hard in remorse. Never in his life had he despised himself more than he did now. _He wasn't qualified to be a doctor, he didn't even deserve to be a man. He let a girl, a girl he had a crush on took all the fault for him._ But he, Mark Avery didn't dare to move, he was hidden in his shelter like a turtle.

"Ok, Ok." Cristina locked eyes with his blue eyes full of glassiness. She finally signed and waved his hands in the air. She couldn't utter the words of forgiveness because if she was in his shoes, if she was the Cristina Yang in her previous life, she most possibly wouldn't have done any better than Mark. She could emphasize the fear of losing her medical license and the feature without her dreams. In terms of this, in her opinion Mark didn't do anything that required her forgiveness.

"Forget about this. Even if you stepped up, it wouldn't change anything apart from one more victim." Warren's words suddenly popped into his mind, she quoted his words in the back of her mind.

Mark shot a look at Cristina in gratitude, but his expression didn't soften. The kid wouldn't let go of himself. Lenard who witnessed all of it couldn't help but whistled, he curled up his thumb in admiration.

"Fiona, you're a superwoman. You tried to take all the fault?"

"But I didn't manage to, Dr. Warren took the credit at the moment of truth." Cristina cocked her eyebrows, perplexed that she owned him one.

"If it were up to me, this proved to us that some people were born to be nasty, you should have watched them die!" Penny took a sip on her coke furiously.

As if in cue to verify Penny's jesting, an earth-shattering mourn came from a table in the cafe.

"Oh...Oh..." The group of interns elbows deep in their conversations turned around abruptly. They saw a strong man was holding onto his chest. He collapsed on the floor of the roof.

 _He's in trouble, we need to operate on him ASAP_. Cristina's surgical instinct was kicking in. She rose from her seat and rushed to his side. But her actions stopped when she saw the man's face.

"What happened?" Mark who was following her couldn't understand her reactions, he inquired in confusion.

"It's him...It's Jonny Wash."


	15. Chapter 15 Let the truth sting

Chapter 15 Let the truth sting

A/N: Thank you Patsy for your reviews and jacquelacina for your favourite and follow! Please R&R, enjoy reading.

Cristina furrowed her brows, she had a feeling that she was poked fun at by the universe. _Is this some kind of meant to be? Seriously?_

Jonny Wash was lying on the floor beneath her, his eyes wide open, staring at the intern in front of him.

Abruptly, he recognized her. His brown eyes bugged from his orbit. A certain mood was rallying inside his eyes. Cristina was quite clued up with the sense- it was desperation.

"Save me...Plz..." Jonny Wash managed to squeeze the help out of his throat, despite his reasons told him not to get his hope up, the hunger for his life made him call out for one last time.

"Fiona." Mark was reminding the girl by his side cautiously, at the same time asking for her opinion.

 _Didn't this guy claim to be mute caused by the damage to his vocal cords? But he didn't seem to have any difficulties crying for help now. Apparently he was lying. He deliberately set up Fiona to avoid his medical expense_. _Should we save him, should we save this ass? Or should we just let him be? Maybe Penny was right, the world would be much more better if a guy like him ceased to exist. Plus, if he dies, no one would charge the hospital or Fiona anymore_.

"Plz...plz..." The man was becoming more severely hyperventilating, sweats cascading down his forehead. His fingers held onto his chest, twisted into a weird shape.

"Fiona." Penny exchanged a glance with Mark, she lowered her voice and asked. How do they treat the lying bastard? The three interns chose to hand over the choice to the same girl in unison.

Jonny Wash's pupil began to dilate, his conscious mind fading away. In the most possibly last moment of his life, he finally understood what goes around comes around, what is karma, what is everything happens for a reason... _Maybe I deserved it_.

"Fiona." Lenard raised his question at the last minute, "He's circling the drain."

"He could have myocardial infraction." Cristina ignored her companion's call. She bent her head to the man's chest and instructed them serenely, "He doesn't have a heartbeat. Mark, get a gurney here, remember to bring crash cart, tube and oxygen, he could be hypoxemia soon. Lenard, go find Dr. Warren, tell him that we have a cardio patient that needs emergency surgery ASAP. Penny, help me with the CPR." Cristina ordered straight and rapidly.

The three interns were stunned, they seemed to have lost the ability to understand her implication.

"What're you waiting for? Move! There's a patient already in shock. We have to save him, no matter who he is." Cristina repeated firmly and without doubt.

The three stiffened individuals finally seemed to be snapped out of their nightmares. Mark and Lenard veered across the hallway. Penny bent her waist and helped Cristina to lay the patient completely flat.

Cristina overlaid her hands and compressed the man's chest as hard as she could. One, two, three...

"Come one, come on." She mumbled, "You son of a bitch, wake up. If you die like this, who do I turn to to even the keel? Come on, stay with me jerk."

Penny was covering her one hand to stop herself from laughing whilst she held his head still with the other hand. _She knew now was not the time, but Jeez, what Fiona was doing in front of her, it was too damn dramatic_...

Cristina didn't have time to notice Penny's look. She was focusing on her compressions. But the effect wasn't effective. A deadly grey colour was starting to form on Jonny Wash's face.

Watching the man's life slipping away right in front of them, even Penny who hated him the most sighed in frustration.

"Fiona, we have to wait for Dr. Warren to come." Under the circumstances, she didn't think there was much that an intern could do. Maybe this guy was doomed to die on their watch, despite Fiona had done everything in her power to save him.

Cristina seemed oblivious about Penny's words, she just kept doing the compressions forcefully. _No, what Dr. Yang had saved would not be revisited by death, at least not so easily_. She bit her lips hard, _there must be something else she could do_...

"Fiona, what are you doing?" Penny was stunned to find the girl by her side stopped her reactions, and brushed our lips over the man's abruptly.

"Penny, keep the compression going on, but keep up with my speed." Cristina scolded whilst she put her lips and faced a cabinet of ancient.

Oh my god! Penny's eyes rested upon her side. She roughly knew what Fiona was about to do- mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. _Though many medical specialists considered it's meaningless to do it, it's the only option they were left with. But seriously, Fiona had to touch her lips with that guy? Gross!_

It was lucky Cristina couldn't see Penny's face. She focused on forcing air into Jonny Wash's trachea, Penny compressed the man's heart in regards to her rhythm.

 _One, two, three_...

"Come on, come on." This time even Penny couldn't help but prey for them. _Fiona sacrificed so much to save you, come on you sorry ass, wake up_.

*cough, cough* After several times of forcing air into his lungs and compressions, Jonny Wash abruptly let out a drastic cough. Penny felt the heart started to beat under the touch of her palm.

"He could breathe on his own!" Never once in her life had Penny felt such joy and content. She saved a life！

 _Finally_. Cristina supported herself by hanging her wrist to the ground, she was so sore that she nearly collapsed. It's great that her efforts were worth it. Though Jonny Wash hadn't regain consciousness yet, at least his face started to show some vitality instead of the deadly grey.

"Ermm...good save, Fiona. But could you let go of Mr. Wash's mouth?" At the inspiring moment, a low and deep voice suddenly came on top of Cristina's head.

Cristina's heart skipped a beat. _Come on, I bumped into him in an awkward position like this again?_  
She raised her head with an exhausted pale face, and just as she expected, a handsome black face came into her sight. "Dr. Warren, could you stop laughing at my expense?"

"Mr. Wash, you're just stable for now. We'll consider the appropriate surgery for you when the CT result came. But before that, I need to inform you one thing." Warren was standing beside Jonny Wash's bed, he glanced at the guy lowering his face and concealed his look. "My interns saved your life, twice. Especially Fiona and Penny, you wouldn't be sitting here charging us if they hadn't performed an emergency CPR on you."

"Puhh..." A quiet laugh occurred behind Warren's back. Warren pretended he didn't hear anything, put on his stern face and continued.

"Not only did they gave you compressions, they also used artificial respiration. They did it quick and in time."

"Hahaha..." The quiet laugh turned into uncontrollable belly laugh. The two interns were rolling in the aisles.

"Come on, you're over reacting." Mark tried his best to remain serious, he poked Penny and Lenard. But the two just couldn't keep their mouth shut. They burst into laughter again in less than two seconds.

"Seriously, mouth-to-mouth? Fiona, you have a unique taste."

 _I have to keep calm, I have to control myself_. Cristina was leaning her back against the door, giving herself a pep talk. But those laughters were so out of line, so irritating and harsh...she abruptly jumped on her feet and threw the chart on Lenard's face.

"How could you laugh at me! I did it to save this guy's life and I managed to! Do you have any idea how many times I brushed my teeth? 10 times, literally ten times! My gum almost bleed!"  
"Oh my god...this is so hilarious..." Sensing the distress look on Cristina's face, Penny and Lenard couldn't suppress their laughters.

"Okay, Dr. Duquette, Dr. Rhimes, we are in the patient's room, take other's feeling into consideration and stay professional. Dr. Lin, you don't have to care about what others said. You didn't only did it right, you did an outstanding job, no matter technically or morally." Warren patted Cristina on her shoulder softly, "Not every doctor could save a patient that is trying to charge her. Dr. Lin, I look up to you for what you did today." His voice was dignified and majestic, nothing like the usual joking tone. Penny and Lenard also stopped their laughters and made their way to her side.

"Fiona, we admire you. You're a genuine surgeon." Penny draped an arm around her shoulder with a bright but earnest chuckle.  
"As for other aspects," Warren cleared his throat and continued coldly to Jonny Wash who was sitting on his bed with his head hanging. "We would practice according to the procedures, whether you decide to charge Grey-Sloan Memorial or pay your medical expense."

The man half hanging on the bedside visibly trembled. He buried his head, nearly under the sheet. The exposed part of his ears through the cranky hairs was blood shot. He clenched his fists and clung to his waist line. He felt like his throat was stuck by a lump of cotton. He couldn't utter any sound. _Is he going to go on pretending he's mute?_ The five doctors in the patient ward sighed in unison. _Shame on him, the cheek of it, lying to them in their faces_.

"I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to lodge a false accusation." In the deadly silence, Jonny Wash abruptly raised his head, his beady eyes full of remorse and self loathing. "I lost my job last year, and my medical insurance was overdue last month..."


	16. Chapter 16 Don't stand so close to me

Chapter 16 Don't stand so close to me

"Don't talk, especially when I'm absent." The door to the room was slashed open from the outside. In came no other than the notorious lawyer. He scurried to the bedside of Jonny Wash infuriously, spun around and stared at the doctors in the room.

"My client wasn't in a suitable place to talk with people. Please give us some space, we need to..."

"Are you out of your mind, Mclawyer?" The blonde Penny spun her hairs. The beautiful circle in the air created by which nearly blinded the lawyer. "This is a hospital. Jonny Wash is a patient that needs an emergency surgery and you're asking the doctor to get out? Are you implying you're going to deal with the consequences if anything happens to him?"

The lawyer blushed. He knew what he just ordered was against law and morals and was hilarious. After several second of silence, he spun around and threatened his client, "Ok, I'll go. But, Mr. Wash you have to promise me you won't utter a word again."  
"Oh, not even help right?" Lenard squint at the two. The other three interns were giggling in his back. "When do you plan to make him pretend he's mute? Because I could find at least ten witnesses at the cafe that could prove he screamed for us to save his dear life."

"I..." He was defeated by his own words. The lawyer was outraged. He squeezed his words through gritted teeth, "If my client did call for help, it could be the psychological damages were temporarily eliminated by the extreme sense of incoming danger and cause him to call for help under extreme conditions. It doesn't necessarily mean the psychological damage cause by your rusted skills didn't exist!"

"What the hell..." Lenard moved forward and tried to grab the lawyer's collar but was stopped by Warren. He knew punching the guy in face would only benefit him and be used against themselves. The closed space was filled with anger and rage. The lawyer pitched his head high, proud of himself that he could make the smart doctors speechless.

"I'm warning you. I'll keep an eye on you. If you fail to provide my client with the best possible medical care he should receive, that wouldn't only be regarding his medical expense. Cause I'll sue Grey-Sloan Memorial until it's broke!" The lawyer exclaimed in a cocky voice.

Cristina clenched her fist. She wanted to kill the guy in front of her with her bare eyes. But she couldn't forget she's a doctor. If the same scenario happens again, if Jonny Wash were to collapse under her watch for another one hundred times, she would still choose to save him.

"I hasn't been mute, never." A weak voice chimed in abruptly. "The intubation doctors here of Grey-Sloan Memorial performed for me didn't hurt my vocal cord, nor did it bring me any psychological damages. On the contrary, they saved my lives, twice."

The sudden change stiffened everyone in the room. Within their sight, Jonny Wash was still blushing. But his eyes told them otherwise. His eyes were saying he was standing on his ground.

Cristina was leaning against the wall in the staircase. She poured all the coffee into her mouth and sighed a breath of relief.

"I thought you said you never drink coffee." The tall black figure standing next to her teased halfheartedly.

"This is for celebration." Cristina answered at ease and gestured her cup towards the man's direction, showing him a gesture for a toast.

The unexpected law suit was finally gone. Cristina felt relieved. Mr. Wash finally decided to admit in front of Derek and Bailey that his vocal cords were never damaged and he never had any psychology issues. He was just jobless for too long that his medical insurance was suspended. He worried he couldn't afford the medical expense so he hired a lawyer. But to his surprise, the dude taught him to pretend he was mute for money.  
Recalling his crying and regretful face, Cristina felt the first slice of joy in a long time. Although she would still save him if she were given second chances, It felt good to know that the one you saved had some appreciation and conscience in him. Let alone his appreciation outweighed his greediness and selfishness. The victory of humanity was always good to see.

What was a pity was that the end wasn't exactly the traditional happy ending. The twisted look on the lawyer's face when he was standing next to Jonny Wash listening to his confession flashed through Cristina's mind. The guy tried to make Wash take all the blame as soon as he realized his startegy wouldn't work out. He even emphasized that he followed his client's instructions all along the way. How could he even say that? The four interns were so pissed that they nearly pour the urines passed out by the catheter over his face.

If it were up to Cristina, she would sue the guy until he's broke and is suspended his license. But Derek was kind enough to give him some slack. He scolded him for several minutes before he let the lawyer leave. The interns wondered how such a kind man could climb his way up to be the chief...

 _Fine, this shouldn't be my concern now. Maybe the world can't be perfect. I should be over the moon about the current result._

"You look happy." Warren stated genuinely. He was overlooking the perfect complexion of the girl and the curve of her lips.

"Yea." Cristina nodded wholeheartedly. "I am indeed. Not just for me, but for Jonny Wash. I heard Dr. Shepherd had already heard about his financial difficulties and agreed to apply for the support from the fund. I hope he could get through this and initiate his new life."

Cristina smirked whilst she was telling Warren the truth. _Despite from the rough start, it is a good day, isn't it?_

Warren was indulged in her sparkled and shiny eyes. He could see the falling sun and light red clouds reflected in her splendid eyes.

"You are something else." He moved forward gently and sighed inwardly. "You were always on fire whenever you shouldn't be. But you were also quite tolerant about the stuff others couldn't stand. Fiona, day by day, I still can't understand you, but strangely, I just couldn't take my eyes off you..."

His warm breath carrying his temperature caressed her young and pale face, triggering a sense of dizziness. Cristina felt her heart stopped beating for a second. She switched her glance elsewhere in panic and mumbled, "Of course I'm something else. I'm..."

"You're an outstanding intern and up-and-incoming brilliant surgeon." Warren's voice continued. His breath was surrounding Cristina's ears, and gently through to her body. "But right now you're a stunning gorgeous girl...incredibly beautiful..."

Cristina tried to step back only to find she was trapped into Warren's embrace. He put his hands on the stair rails , his rigid chest leaning towards her. She found herself like a pitiful animal in his constraint of rigid body and arms. She couldn't move, literally.

"Go...leave me alone..." Cristina uttered a weak defiance that even herself couldn't be threatened.

"I heard you brushed your teeth ten times after you did the artificial breathing for him?" An earth-shattering smile appeared on Warren's handsome face. His eyes brought her warmth, just like his breath. "Do you know that the best way to get rid of the bad smell is to cover it with a new one." Before Cristina could react, two warm lips covered hers firmly.

*Bang* Cristina slapped Warren's distinct face hard.

Warren was stunned. He glanced at the girl's glistening eyes filled with rage and offence. It didn't occur to him that the kiss that sounded perfect to him made the girl so upset.

"You're married, Dr. Warren. Think about Dr. Bailey. Shame on you!"

"Miranda?" Warren hesitated. At that instinct he figured out why the specific name was raised at the particular moment. He gave a close look at Cristina's still trembling body and her infurious expression and threw his hands on his forehead. He knew she misunderstood.

"Jeez! I don't know your source, but apparently it's out of date. I was married to Miranda but it's a pity that we signed the divorce paper six months ago."

"What?" This time it was Cristina who gaped at the news. Ben divorced Bailey, why didn't she hear a word about it?

"Fiona, if you think I'm cheating then you're wrong!" Warren frowned and said to her in a serious tone. "I'm not a bit interested in the drama. If I'm after a girl, then I'm sure as hell both of us are single. Tell me, Fiona, you don't happen to have a husband or a boyfriend, do you?"

"But you're my superior nevertheless! I can't date you!" Cristina's mind was blank. But her personality forced her to retort upon him unconsciously.

"There is no rule in Grey-Sloan Memorial that states residents are not allowed to date their interns. This is how all the couples here became couples." Warren folded his hands across his chest. He seemed calm. "You haven't answered my question. Are you involved, Miss Lin?"

"I...no..."Cristina hesitated before she finally shook her head."But..."

"I'm serious about the kiss. I'm attracted to you, Dr. Lin." Warren stopped her unspoken refusal firmly. "I would be really happy if you would consider my proposal- date me. Don't say no straight away, give yourself some time to consider it thoroughly. Fiona, think about it. Do you really have no feeling towards me?" 


	17. Chapter 17 Raindrops keep falling

Chapter 17 Raindrops keep falling on my head

A/N: Thank you Ljttt for your favourite and follow. Thanks for the guest review. I know some of you may dislike the relationship between Ben and Cristina. Here's a quote from the original writer: "I just loved Ben's cast so much, his smile, his eyes. I could swim in his eyes. Besides Shonda made Cristina slept with Shane so I guess the idea that Cristina was with Ben for a moment wouldn't be that inappropriate. It's gonna be Burktina endgame so no need to worry."

The door of the intern locker room was slumped open and in walked chuckling Penny and Lenard. Before they could approach their lockers, they were frightened by a 'statue' standing outside the door.

"What the hell? Fiona, what are you doing pinning over there like a ghost? It's not like today is halloween or whatever." Lenard threw his hands over his chest and complained.

Cristina was too busy to care about his rambling. She raised the pile of charts in her hands and asked coldly, "Who wants to know what patients do we have today? How many of them needs surgery and which ones are the most interesting?"

The two interns' eyes turned green immediately. _Damn, this girl came to the hospital so early and stole all the charts of Dr. Warren. What's more, she even had time to read through all of them_.

"You...don't you need to sleep?" Penny managed to speak her words through gritted teeth.

"I live close, right across the street. Besides, I'm used to it." Cristina explained briefly, apparently she was not interested in the topic. "Let me say it again, you really don't want to know?"

Penny exchanged a look with Lenard and lamented reluctantly, "Fine, what do you want?"

"Who's the chief of surgery now? The one signed on my contract was Owen Hunt but why is Dr. Shepherd doing the chief job now?"

"Chief Hunt was on his leave for two weeks. Rumor has it that he's leaving Grey-Sloan Memorial. He asked Dr. Shepherd for a favour to come back from NY and cover for him on a short notice."

"Where's the attending Dr. Grey from general surgery? Why haven't I seen her lately?"

"Dr. Grey took her kids to the seaside for a vacation. HR said that she's coming back next week."

"What about Alex Karev? Have you seen him in the hospital? Of course he's just on the board so he might not show up regularly."

"He's currently abroad for a meeting. Yes, he's indeed on the board but he's also the peds attending. Especially after Dr. Robbins left, he's the only peds attending here in Grey-Sloan Memorial so he has to show up!"

"Arizona, oh no I mean, Dr. Robbins left? What about Dr. Torres, did she leave too?"

"No, she's in ortho. Sometimes she would take Sophia to work, she's such a sweetheart. Wait, you knew about their relationship? They've been divorced for about a year. You really know a thing or two, Fiona."

"But Fiona why do you care about these? The change in the board or attendings has nothing to do with us. We don't care who the attending is as long as he or she let us scrub in."

Cristina surround her arms around her knees. She was sitting on the bench, staring blankly at the roof, a stunned but stern look on her face. She didn't answer Penny's question because she didn't know how. She cared about them, not as an intern sucking up their bosses to get more chances to scrub in, but as an old friend sighing about the rollercoaster changes happened in their lives. Ever since she heard that Warren and Bailey divorced last night, Cristina was in a chaos. It never occurred to her that so many has changed in Grey-Sloan Memorial just in the two years she left.

She hated changes, she's scared of them. But she couldn't stop these changes from happening. There was a time she loved changes better than anyone else because she believed changes would bring opportunities, and opportunities force you to adapt to the environment and prevent you from falling behind. But now she's scared of changes more than anyone else. However, unfortunately, the only eternal thing on the earth is change. Sometimes she thinks she's drowned in an unknown stream. The stream is rolling and pouring forward whilst she is trapped in the whirlpool. She couldn't see the direction, she couldn't see her future. She just let her body sink without clinging into anything to support herself.

 _Mere, you're nowhere to be found now, along with Owen. Especially Owen, he's planning to quit his beloved job? Is that because of my death? The death of Dr. Yang made you unable to proceed with your work in Grey-Sloan Memorial after all?_ Cristina lamented again. Although her beloved people didn't show up on her funeral, although she had decided to start her new life, she was attached to her past. It was rooted deep in her heart and she couldn't make herself just throw it away and pretend nothing in her past had ever happened.

"The most interesting surgery today is Ivy Lee's spinal correction. You should go and find Dr. Warren now if you want to scrub in." Cristina handed the charts for the two predators and instructed flatly.

Two arms approached the pink charts greedily. Whoever remembered these charts by heart, whoever present most details at Dr. Warren's rounds today has the biggest chance to scrub in on the once-in-a-lifetime spinal correction. Their fingers touched the charts at almost the same time. After a fierce glance, the two started to grab the charts by the opposite sides.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

Cristina lazily stood up regardless of the two children behind her fighting for their candies. She made her way towards the exit and pulled open the door.

"Mark? What are you doing here?" Cristina glanced at the blushed face of the boy, puzzled. "Are you ear dropping?"

"No, I didn't. I'm just late." Mark switched his glances as if he was trying to avoid eye contact with the girl. "I'm not that...privileged as you."

Cristina knitted her brows. His words gave her a feeling of jealousy. But she didn't remember pissing him off? It's not her fault that the apartment her parents left her with was right across the street. Mark fled into the locker room. Cristina shrugged and gave up on guessing his thoughts. She had never been a good guesser on men's thoughts and would never be. Not that she's anywhere interested in it.

"I know which surgery you're working your ass of trying to scrub in." Dr. Warren glanced the serious faces of the interns standing in front of him. Nurses told him that they couldn't find the charts from yesterday. That's when he knew who stole them. But on the other hand he's quite happy that they finally learnt how to prepare themselves in advance. It's a pity that this time he has to disappoint them.

"But I have to refer the surgery to another resident as I just got a call that a couple in a car accident was sent to our ER. Today all of you're on my service so you have to save them."

Penny and Lenard's faces turned white. They glanced at each other in hatred. They were mad that they fought all morning for nothing.

"Who won?" Warren patted Lenard on the shoulder out of expectation whilst they were running towards the ER.

"She did." Lenard pointed at Penny and answered in frustration. He didn't know he would lose the game to a woman.

Penny showed her fists to him in a great mood, implying him that it's never a wise choice to look down on women. Warren was entertained. He chuckled and turned around to glance at Fiona and Mark who were following them silently.

"Neither of you joined the fight?" He asked.

Fiona rolled her eyes, stating that he asked a stupid question. Mark, on the other hand, had a haunted look on his face. He bowed his head and fixed his eyes on the ground like he didn't hear Warren's question.

 _There's something wrong with him_. Just when Warren wanted to approach the intern and ask him about his day, the sirens of ambulance filled the entrance of ER.

"Female, 38, her car collided with the van, her left leg was injured, BP 120/89, breath rate 100." The paramedics announced whilst he was jumping off the ambulance after it stopped.

"How does it look?" Warren stepped forward and helped to transfer the stretcher.

"She's awake and alert, probably broke her left leg." The paramedic glanced at the patient and whispered in Warren's ears. "Her husband drove the car and bumped into the rail. Their car was turned over and her leg was pinned under the steering wheel. We tried all out to get her out. But thanks to the airbags her organs were fine..."

"I'm not deaf!" The woman that was fixed in the stretcher abruptly opened her eyes. "Thanks to the airbags?! Are you kidding me? You think I didn't get it in the neck enough? I'm telling you it's my damn husband. How many times did I warn him to slow down, but he just wouldn't listen...where's that ass?"

The paramedic rolled his eyes and pointed to his back.

Warren nodded in acknowledgement, "Madame, your husband is on the ambulance behind. We're going to help him in no time."

"Help him? You're helping the bastard that make me here? Oh no, doctor." She turned her heads in annoyance. "He wasn't hurt at all. He even had the strength to help the paramedic dig me out of the car. He was scared that I would scold him so he wouldn't get on the same ambulance with me! He..."

"Okay, okay, calm down Mrs." Warren stopped the woman's endless complaints and gestured Cristina and Mark who were helping out with moving the stretcher for help. "You two are in charge of the patient now. Sent her for a brief evaluation first. Penny and Lenard, follow me and wait for the next ambulance."

Mark and Cristina pushed the stretcher and walked pass the other two interns. Mark saw Lenard gave him a look that said 'shit' on his way to the entrance.

"What's wrong with him?" Mark enquired out of confusion.

"He's mad that you get his patient." Cristina rolled her eyes at Lenard and told Mark in a low voice, "Didn't you hear her, her husband is not injured."

"He is NOT injured!" The woman on the stretcher had unexpectedly sensitive ears. "He crashed his cars and made me disabled whilst he was perfectly ok himself. He did it on purpose. He meant it!"


	18. Chapter 18 Bring the pain

Chapter 18 Bring the pain

A/N: Thank you Patsy for your reviews for every chapter, they really made my day. Since Owen is out of town mourning over Cristina's death, the hospital needs Derek for the chief job. And Meredith didn't really went on 'vacation', that's just what Derek claimed to the hospital staff. As I said earlier she was having an episode which you would know in later chapters. Hope I cleared things up. Happy reading!

"Mrs. Baker, please be quiet." Cristina was checking the open wound on the woman's leg impatiently. She had been standing her endless complaints for a while, but she just couldn't hold back her impatience anymore. She had grew increasingly patient with her patients and improved her bedside manners drastically over the years, but still Cristina is Cristina. _Living with that woman is an utter nightmare_ , she thought whilst glancing at the man lying on the bed beside the woman.

"You're telling me to shut up? Seriously?" As if she were irritated by Cristina's ordering tone, her face flashed even redder. She squinted and tried her best to see Cristina's name tag clearly. "Dr. Lin, right? You're way too young to know what a horrible creature man can be. You were pregnant for ten months and gave birth to their babies. You cooked for them and did all the chores. But what do they do? They think you're less than a maid. They could never see the efforts and sacrifices you made. The only thing they see is the wrinkle on your face!"

"Okay, Abby, fine. I know it's all my fault, ok?" The man put his hands over his forehead as if he was begging for her forgiveness. "I shouldn't drive that fast. I shouldn't have checked that damn message. And I'm so, so sorry. Can we just get past that?" But his apologies were useless, just as the previous a thousand times.

"Of course it's your fault." The woman was so infurious that she nearly jumped from the bed. It took Cristina and Mark a long time to restrain her obese body. "Do you have the nut to tell the doctors here whose message was you checking at that time? I bet you don't cause I'm sure as hell it's from that slutty salesgirl, right? Oh, what's her name again? Martha? What a beautiful and sexy name. Yea, I bet she's damn attractive, the blonde hair, blue eyes, booties as large as basketballs and a waist like a wasp's. No wonder you drop by that jewelry shop several times a week. She took away your souls!"

The man's face was as pale as a ghost. His eyes were blood-shot. He wanted to defend himself, only end up finding that he couldn't catch a time to chime in his wife's shrieking obscenities. Out of resignation, he just propped back to his pillow abruptly like a deflated balloon, totally frustrated.

"Say whatever you want, Abby."

"You think if you made that face I would just stop talking? Think twice. I know you're over me, you wish I could die so you can be together with that bitch, right? That's why you smashed your car into the fence? But I'm lucky, just broke my leg." The woman wouldn't stop spouting the same old platitudes. "What? Why are you staring at me? You regret doing so? Oh, enjoy your remorse cause I'm not divorcing you even if you went down on your knees and beg me. I'm going to make your life like hell and torture you for the rest of your life. Martha? No woman initialled with M is a decent lady!"

The woman was on her war path. Her poor husband just buried his head in his pillow and fantasized that she already disappeared. The four interns that were examining them abruptly started to burst out into laughters towards the door.

"What are you doing? Where are your bedside manners? Didn't you see I'm in pain? And you're laughing at my expense?" The woman knitted her brows.

"Of course they're laughing." A set of footsteps penetrated the woman's bed. She turned over her shoulders abruptly and found a short black doctor staring at her with a stern face. "Because my name is Miranda which initiated with an M!"

Mrs. Baker let the black doctor checked her heart rate, breath sounds and her legs in an awkward silence. She shot secret glances at the round but dignified face. She swallowed hard before she started to apologize.

"Erm...I'm sorry, Dr. Bailey. I didn't mean it...I had no idea..."

"That's a fibula fracture, but I'm not sure if she needs to be casted. Mrs. Baker's other stats are stable. Dr. Lin, Dr. Avery, find Dr. Torres and ask her to do a further assessment." Bailey parroted her diagnosis and walked pass the woman's bed as if she didn't hear her at all.

"How is Mr. Baker here doing?" Bailey took the chart and asked Penny and Lenard who were standing beside her.

"Erm...everything looks normal now. No open wounds, awake and alert. Apart from his pain in left shoulder and relatively low BP, he looks fine." Penny's voice was trembling. She knew Dr. Bailey was the most strict attending in GSM. The infamous Nazi five roles came from her. For any intern in this hospital, unless they wanted to scrub in with her, they would rather die than speak with her.

"Low BP?" Bailey cocked her eyes.

"Yes. I just measured, it was 110/80, HR 120 bp/min." Penny added cautiously. "Anything wrong?"

Bailey didn't answer the intern's question. She observed the man cautiously and listened to his abdomen carefully. She glanced at the machines and suddenly her face changed. She barked at her surroundings like a beast, "Page Dr. Warren. Patient's BP down to 90 over 60 with a heavy turbid sound." Frightened by Bailey's Nazi look on her face, all three interns except for Cristina ran towards the door.

Watching them crowded and stuck at the door like canned sardines, Bailey exhaled deeply and tried her best to mesh down her temper. She turned around and glanced at the still calm Cristina before she instructed, "Dr. Lin, stay with Dr. Duquette and help me with the procedures. You two, one of you go grab the labs of Mr. Baker, another one find me Dr. Warren and ask him to arrange an OR for me ASAP."

The chaos was finally solved by Bailey's orders. Mark and Lenard scurried into the hallway like someone was chasing them. Penny was doing the double intravenous injection together with Bailey.

"What happened to me?" The man asked weakly. Though the doctors' reactions scared him a bit, he wasn't feeling unwell himself.

"We suspect you might have internal bleeding, which caused hypotension and tachycardia. We would see if we need to open you up to find the bleeding source after we have a look at the blood count." Bailey answered his questions in a rapid speed.

"Internal bleeding?" Penny questioned Bailey before the patient had a chance to answer. "But I touched his liver, spleen and all other organs, they all had clear boundaries, no signs of being damaged."

"Could be traumatic delayed rupture of spleen and liver." Cristina dragged Penny's slaves and hinted her in a low voice. _Gosh, is she out of her mind? Can't she see how mad Bailey is? How dare she add insult to the injury?_ "The car accident caused a small vessel in his liver or his spleen to rupture. Initially, the hemorrhage may be slow and BP wouldn't drop dramatically, but as more and more blood clot started to form and cause pressure on his membrane, his liver or spleen would rupture consequently."

" Delayed rupture of spleen and liver? I heard these cases were extremely rare! How could he feel nothing himself?" Penny didn't get her friend's courtesy at all. She continued to question Bailey's authority without thinking twice.

Bailey who just changed her look because of Cristina's correct explanation immediately frowned, "Dr. Duquette, please do not show your ignorance in my face. You haven't heard of it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist." Bailey stared at the blonde fiercely, "Do your job and shut the hell up."

Bailey's fierce bark finally made Penny realized her rage. She swallowed back her curiosity and concentrated on her intravenous injection again.

However, the two patients present were out of Bailey's control.

"Doctor, my husband really has internal bleeding? But he looks perfectly ok, and he doesn't sound any weaker when he was scolding me. Is it possible that he's faking it?" Mrs. Baker inquired in confusion.

"What? God, Abby, what are you talking about? Why would I fake it?" Mr. Baker turned his head to his wife abruptly. Although he was skeptical about the doctor's diagnosis as well, it's also possible that he indeed has internal bleeding and he might die. When can this woman use her brain? "Did you crack your head and became a moron? Or are you actually hoping that I would die?"

Mrs. Baker's face turned red immediately. All her worries about her husband in the previous minute started to turn into pure anger.

"Ass, I'm not a moron, you are!"

Foreseeing the incoming argument between the couple, Bailey lamented out of frustration. She gestured for the interns to approach her.

"Dr. Lin, come together with me to send Mr. Baker to the room next door for abdominocentesis to prevent me from piercing through her husband's abdomen under her curse. Dr. Duquette, stay and keep an eye on Mrs. Baker." Cristina followed her instructions and started to push the stretcher. If they didn't do so, Mr. Baker would die from stroke caused by an elevated blood pressure even if Bailey didn't puncture his abdomen.

"You're taking him away? Great, go, I don't want to be next to him for one more minute. Carl, you said I want you to die. Yes, you coward, I want you to go to hell!" Mrs. Baker's loud curse lingered behind Cristina's back.


	19. Chapter 19 Make me lose control

Chapter 19 Make me lose control

A/N: You'll learn about Meredith's episode in 6 chapters, don't wonna do a spoiler.

Bailey observed the fluid withdrawn carefully, the more she looked at it, the worse her face turned. She raised her head and asked Cristina who was stabilizing the tube for her. "What do you think, Dr. Lin?"

Cristina thought for a while before she answered, "Fresh and non-sticky blood account for the majority, if it weren't the tube punctured his vessels, it's most likely that he has massive internal bleeding."

"You really did your homework." Bailey nodded approvingly. She was the second intern that Bailey actually regarded as competent. The last one was Yang and even Meredith lost her trust in the clinical trials once. Thinking of Yang made Bailey's heart sunk. She now understood why Ben stood up to protect Lin in the conference room. Because she's worth it. She's hardcore, brilliant and a promising surgeon. "Now I need to look at Mr. Baker's blood count. Where did the damn Dr. Avery go? Go and get him..."

"Dr. Bailey." As if he was waiting for the cue, Mark rushed into the room with some results in his hand. "It's Mr. Baker's..."

"Chart." Bailey added for the boy impatiently. Watching him out of breath, Bailey sighed in vein. His edgy figure would indeed harm the doctor's public image. "Ok, Dr. Lin. Read the results for him."

Cristina shot Mark a compassionate look although the boy turned his head reluctantly. _He's mad at me_. Cristina was genuinely surprised at the conclusion but she didn't dare to postpone Bailey's order.

"His hemoglobin is down to 9 g/dL." Cristina shouted out the result loudly, she knew Mr. Baker would have to be sliced open today.

As she expected, Bailey frowned and hesitated for less than 2 seconds before she continued, "Dr. Lin, Dr. Avery, he can't wait anymore. Mr. Baker has to have the surgery now. Page Dr. Rhimes and asked him which OR we could use..."

"OR 2." A rough voice took over for Bailey even before she had a chance to finish.

"Owen? You're back to work?" Bailey waved her hands excitedly at the man walking inside. But her delight soon turned into worry the moment she saw the distress and exhaustion that couldn't be covered up in the man's eyes. On his distinct face were deep dark circles.

"Are you ok?"

Owen forced a smile to reply Bailey's question. But the smile was like broken ice floating on the surface of the lake, made you feel like the smile was worse than tears. He was anything but OK.

"Bailey, I'm handing in my resignation letter." He said in a low voice, as if he was telling someone else's story. "And I bumped into Dr. Erm..."

"Rhimes." Lenard who was following him added.

"Yes, I came across Dr. Rhimes at the conference room. I heard him briefed the patient. I think I could give you a hand and since it's my last day here in GSM, I hope I could finish my job. That's way I came with him."

Bailey was stunned at the word 'resignation'. She opened her mouth unconsciously to say something but nothing came out of her lips. Because she didn't know what else was there left to say and console him, especially when she hasn't came out of her misery yet.

"Mr. Baker, male, 45, suffering from a car accident. We suspect that he has delayed rupture of liver and spleen which lead to his massive internal bleeding. We've done a full blood count and abdominocentesis, his hemoglobin count is lower than 9 g/dL. The majority of the withdrawn blood was not clotted." Bailey finally lamented and yielded her place to Owen whilst she briefed him again.

Owen nodded and quickly checked the patient's abdomen and other relevant sites.

"There's heavy turbid sounds in his abdomen, he's possible bled for a long time." Owen dropped his stereoscope and raised his head with a serious look on his face, "If we want to confirm the source of bleeding and stop it, the only option would be open him up immediately. Bailey, I'll scrub in with you."

Bailey gestured him a yes. She felt more confident with a trauma surgeon alongside her as well. "Okay." She turned over her shoulder and studied the three interns standing in a line, "Dr. Rhimes, Dr. Avery, go and prepare the blood. Dr. Lin, your excellent diagnosis won you the chance to scrub in with us. Remember you can only watch and answer our questions. No touching the patient or any other surgical equipments without our consent, understood?"

Mark and Lenard glanced at Cristina jealously, only to find her staring at Dr. Hunt. She was so lost in her thought that she forgot to answer Bailey's questions.

"Fiona." Lenard grabbed the girl's scrub top to gain her attention.

Cristina swayed her body at the force and finally replied to the question in a low and embarrassing voice, "I understood. Thank you, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey knitted her brows. She couldn't understand what's wrong with the girl. _Why is she staring at Owen? Do they know each other?_ Bailey examined Owen carefully but the man was still stiffened and tense as usual. He was observing the patient's stats, as if he didn't notice the scene at all.

"Help me move the patient." Bailey decided to put the matter aside. The most critical matter now was to stop Mr. Baker's bleeding.

The small space in the elevator became even more crowded after a gurney was stuffed in. The three doctors had to stand in a line and invade each other's space.

Cristina could feel her arms clinging to Owen's. The heat of his skin transferred to her through the thin layer of scrub top, making her heart melt like a volcano about to erupt.

Cristina felt she was in a haze the moment she saw him again. She felt like whatever she had said and done were foggy, the only thing that spoke value to her was his distinct and handsome face. She couldn't remember how long it had been since she last saw him. The wave and intense stare in the gallery that was forever carved in her heart was their last farewell.

He turned around, and she smiled at him. He turned around again, and she was nowhere to be found. She knew his distress, but she couldn't leave her back to the man she once deeply loved. She wanted him to remember her smiling face, even if they were sad smiles rather than her back.

Why hadn't she called him or visited him since then? Cristina knew the reasons were complicated. They were always complicated. She knew there were a lot of reasons, but at this particular moment, she couldn't think of any. Maybe she was scared. Now that she has experienced life and death, she could analyze her actions rationally. She knew she was scared that she had to witness their love lost its passion and temperature in the course of time, distance, separation or another woman. She was used to let go, she was used to not begging a man to stay, especially in a relationship because she knew their love would eventually became a torture to both of them when they couldn't figure their conflict out. So she let him go.

This is what she believed in firmly and what she is proud of- not changing herself for any man and let them go amicably. But now, standing next to him again as another identity, she found that she couldn't stand him looking at her like she was a stranger. He was looking at her that said there was never any connection between them, that their roads never crossed.

"Erm...Dr. Hunt." Cristina plucked up her courage to open her mouth after swallowing hard, "Do you think Mr. Baker's condition is serious?"

Owen was dragged out of his own world by the sudden question. He lowered his head and for the time, he had a close look at the intern next to him. She has a beautiful face with Asian features...just like Cristina...the only difference is his Cristina no longer exists in this world while this girl is still young, vivid and realizing her dream.

Owen's heart stung for the love of his life. The lump forming at his throat made him rude and fuzzy. "This is not a question you should ask!" He scolded her coldly, "You're an intern. An intern's job is to observe and listen, not to bother the attending with stupid questions."

Cristina's body stiffened abruptly. Owen's cold words stabbed her heart like a sword. She had to lower her head to conceal her glistened eyes.

"No one can make a conclusion until we open up Mr. Baker." Bailey saw the aggrieved look on the girl's face and lamented in distress. She understood Owen was still not in his best place, but he doesn't necessarily need to take it out on an intern. "Ok, Dr. Lin, we'll go there when we scrubbed in."

Cristina nodded silently but she didn't switch her glance to Owen again. She had to accept that the relationship between them was strictly professional now, and it would most possibly stay that way.


	20. Chapter 20 A hard day's night

Chapter 20 A hard day's night

A/N：Don't worry， I won't kill Meredith or give her alzehimer's.

Owen took the tenth blade from the nurse and calmly sliced Mr. Baker open. Bailey assisted him to separate the epidermis and adipose tissue cautiously.

Suddenly tons of blood started to erupt from the injured site and spilled onto their scrubs. The nurse was stunned and stopped her task at hands unconsciously.

"Don't just stand there, give me some pads!" Owen ordered forcefully whilst he was pressing the aorta abdorminalis regardless of his blood-smeared scrub.

Cristina was the first one to come around, she grabbed the pads quickly and stuffed them into the patient's abdomen.

Owen glanced at the girl elbows deep in her job and remained silent. He just worked with her and pressed the pads firmer to the aorta until the bleeding finally slowed down. Bailey clamped splenic artery under Owen's instruction.

"How does it look?" She asked.

"Difficult." Owen was sucking the remaining blood whilst he pointed the injury to Bailey. "Apparently, the source of bleeding came from the spleen. You were right, the accident only destroyed a small vessel in the spleen and now the whole spleen was ruptured."

"Can you stitch it?"

Owen shook his head in denial. "It's too far gone. All the tissues are bleeding. I can only try to ligate the splenic artery before cutting the necrotic tissues. But..." He raised his head and glanced at the machines, "He's losing too much blood. Although you've been supplying him with blood through IV, I don't think he can maintain his BP. And once it drops, I wouldn't be able to complete the surgery before he his heart and breath stop. On the other hand, I can't think of any other way to save his life other than cutting the tissues."

"So we can only bet?" Bailey asked nervously.

Owen nodded and instructed the anesthetist, "Keep an eye on his BP and HR, tell me if anything goes wrong."

Sweats were dripping from Owen's forehead. Cristina tried her best to mesh down her instinct to wipe them away for him. She stood quietly in the shade. Glancing at Owen's profile, her heart stung like she was the one lying on the table. Tagore once said that the furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when I stand in front of you, yet you don't know that I love you. But at this minute, Cristina knew the furthest distance in the world is when you watch your love pinched and drawn for you but you couldn't even give him a hug. _Owen, should I tell you or should I let you go forever?_

Owen who was working on the patient apparently had no time to pay attention to the mood sways of the girl hiding in the dark that he knew nothing about. He concentrated on the scalpel in his hand and cut through the damaged tissue carefully. The artery had already been ligated. He only needed to hold on for a little while to separate the necrotic part from the healthy part.

"His heart rate is skyrocketing, his BP lowering." The scream from the anesthetist broke the silence in the OR.

Owen raised his head and observed the stats on the machine. "Give him more oxygen. Bailey, inject 10ug dopamine. Just hang on, stay with me for a few minutes, I'm finishing off." He ordered anxiously and tried to get a hold of himself to stay calm.

The anesthetist gave the patient more oxygen. Bailey injected the required amount of dopamine as well. But the patient's blood pressure wouldn't stop dropping.

"Bailey, give him one more." Another shot of dopamine was injected, but his condition kept worsening, his BP still dropping.

"I can't find a breath sound, v-fib!" The anesthetist held the tube in one hand and shouted loudly. The atmosphere in the OR turned into a suffocating silence with his exclaim.

"Owen, you have to stop. His body can't take it anymore. We have to revive him." Bailey looked at the patient's ECG and said to Owen. Owen sighed heavily before he patched the injury and took the defibrillator from Bailey.

"200J, clear!" He shocked his chest but nothing came.

"300J, clear!" The patient jumped up from the table but the ECG still showed no change. He began to flat-line.

"Damn it, his heart stopped beating." Bailey started to do compressions on the patient's chest.

But Mr. Baker's face started to turn pale, a dead grey was starting to climb over his body.

"I'll do it." Owen took over for Bailey for the compressions. "Come on, come on. Mr. Baker, you can do this. Don't forget, you still have a wife and kids, you still have your loved ones waiting for you to come back! Come on dude, you can't give up now." Owen clenched his jaws and shouted at the patient forcefully, as if with sheer force of will he could bring his losing life back.

One, two, three...eight minutes have passed. But the patient's ECG remained the same. Everything on the machine turned to zero.

"He...Mr. Baker is brain dead." The anesthetist glanced at the EEG and reminded Owen with fear, who was still continuing to do compressions and ignored him.

"Come on, wake up! You can't just die like that. Do you have any idea how much pain the living ones have to go through? Do you have any idea how heart-broken it is for them? You have to stay with me, you selfish brat!"

Owen was literally shouting at the man on the table. The veins of his temples were bulging. His jaw clenched, his lips bitten into a straight line. At that moment, he resembled a roaring lion, ready to engulf everything next to him.

Bailey lamented knowing why he lost it. She ordered Cristina who was standing at the far end of the staff, "Find Mrs. Baker, ask her what she wants to do next. And...tell her to bid her husband goodbye."

Mrs. Baker was staring blankly at the doctor standing in front of her, dully repeating the new medical terminology she had just been informed.

"Brain death?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying." Cristina cleared her throat, she felt sorry for her. No matter what a bad term it had came between them, she lost her beloved husband. Nobody knew better than Cristina did what it felt like to lose the one you love, because she had been there before. "It means although the patient has a heartbeat, he couldn't breathe on his own as the central nervous system in his brain is no longer working. Once he's withdrawn from the life support he would be..."

"What's the patient's name?" Owen who was leaning against the door with a stern face interrupted her with a familiar question.

"Sorry?" Cristina didn't understand his point.

"Call him by his name. Don't you know his name? Every human being is unique. We don't have the title 'the patient' here. And speak English to the family."

Cristina bit her lips at Owen's harsh words. These familiar words replayed in her mind like it just happened yesterday. Except the man asking the questions haven't changed at all. He still couldn't get her like he couldn't back when she was still a resident and he was the new attending. He couldn't understand her, he couldn't understand who she really is and what she looks up to.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Baker. Mr. Baker's brain is not working, neither is he responding to the outside world. He is only alive now because of all the life support machines in ICU. He's brain...dead..."

"How could this even be possible? He was arguing with me a few hours ago. He called me a moron. How could he...? How could he become a vegetable now?" Mrs. Baker was murmuring with disbelief. Her face was paler than a white paper, her eyes darkened like a drained well full of devastation.

"Well not exactly, vegetable still has brain stem reflex and could still breathe on their own. Mr. Baker couldn't..." Lenard who was standing behind Cristina added in a low voice.

Mrs. Baker covered her face with her hands. There isn't any tears on her face. She wished she could cry, but she couldn't. She just rubbed her face vigorously with her hands like she was trying to peel her skin off her face.

"Shut the hell up." Bailey scolded Lenard infuriously. Then she put her hands on the woman's still trembling shoulders, "I know it's hard, but you have to accept that..."

"What can I do?" The woman raised her head abruptly and inquired with her trembling lips, "What's left for me to do for him now?"  
Bailey looked into her dry and sluggish eyes. She hesitated for a long time before she finally spoke up, "You'll need to decide whether you want him to live like this or you want to withdraw him from life support and...donate his organs to the people that need them to live."


	21. Chapter 21 Into the fire

Chapter 21 Into the fire

A/N：Thank you Mike Burn for the review and follow. Please R&R, cheers.

Owen kicked open the door to the staircase, causing a loud *bang*. He stepped in full of rage and stumped his fists into the white walls, regardless of the damage caused by the counterforce of the wall. Blood started to slowly drip down his fingertips.

"Dr. Hunt." A timid voice came from his back. Owen knitted his brows at the familiar voice. He knew it was the annoying intern again. _Why is she everywhere? Why the hell does she have to show up around him and remind him repeatedly what he had lost?_

"I'm not aware that you are a secret stalker." Owen didn't turn his head, he simply reprimanded her in a disgust tone. He hated his increasing weakness that couldn't hold back anymore. What he hated even more was that he had to expose his weakness to his colleagues, especially to his interns and residents.

"I...I'm just worried about you...you didn't look good back there in the OR..."

"I don't need your care." Owen turned around infuriately, "What makes you think you're entitled to care about me? I don't know you. Who gave you the right to care about me? Is it just my sorrow triggered your maternal instinct? Or is it simply a method to get closer with me and suck up on your superior?"

Cristina stared at his blood-shot eyes filled with storms. Suddenly she felt sorry for him. The sun shed through the blinds and created layers of shadows. In the middle of the darkness, Owen's spine was stiffened and straightened. But Cristina felt like a little bit more weight could crush him, even the weight of a fallen leave from the tree outside the window. She felt like a slight stimulus, he could burst into tears.

Cristina couldn't suppress the overwhelming grief flooding through her body anymore. She stepped forward and surrounded her arms around his waist.

"I know you're grieving. You're sad that Mrs. Baker gave up on her husband so easily. You hate that she had the slightest chance to save the love of her life but she wouldn't try." She buried her head into his chest like she used to, drawing strength and warmth from him and at the same time transferring her vitality to him. Cristina murmured, "But you shouldn't hurt yourself. They are different, they are not the same as...Dr. Yang and you."

"Who told you I'm grieving for Cristina Yang?" Owen didn't push away the girl in his embrace. He just retorted upon her blankly, "I would not shed a tear for the woman that left me behind two years ago without looking back or even giving me a call. She's nobody to me, nobody! Even if she died...she cease to exist...she left me forever..." Owen's voice began to trail off, like a wave splashed by the rock, scattered into the air. He finally realized she's dead, she no longer existed in this world. The selfish, career-driven woman, the woman who always put her career before her family, her love, the woman who would go all out even abort her baby to avoid being a mother is dead.

He should hate her. He should hate her for her selfishness, for her stubbornness, for her unwillingness to compromise. But the only thing he felt towards her leaving profile was craving, endless desire for her, and uncontrollable hope. Yes, it's true that she's gone for two years now. But he's still secretly hoping that maybe they still have a second chance. Cristina is just hesitating. She's just scared to commit so she needs time to figure it out. For countless times he consoled himself with that thought though he knew he was just lying to himself.

He knew she's not coming back because if she really wanted him, if she really wanted to savage their marriage, she wouldn't leave him without looking back, let alone avoiding contact with him in every possible way she could during the course of two years. Nobody knew her better than he did. Deep down in his heart, he knew this was it. This was how they ended up. He knew he was being pathetic but he couldn't control himself. Every time after Meredith went to visit her, every time after she facetimed with her, he would beat around the bush just to see if she mentioned him or how is she doing lately. Meredith's compassionate eyes would always beat him down.

That's enough. Owen told himself. Owen Hunt is never such a pathetic man begging for a woman's attention. He shouldn't stop right there where he was since Cristina had already moved on. Their past is just a part of his memory. He should make them one of his beautiful scars, he could think about them once in a while, maybe he could tell his children or even grandchildren about his epic love story with another woman. He just needed something to be good in his life. He deserved happiness so he finally claimed to himself that this was the end. But just when he decided to move on she just...died...she just died in the worst possible way, in the most suffering way. His world turned into its axes the minute he heard about the news.

"Cristina, your selfish brat, selfish brat!" Owen repeated with a furious but desperate tone. Only accepting she was at the other end of the earth already drained all his energy. And just when he was about to start over, she broke his walls again in such a stunning method.

He couldn't show up in her funeral. He couldn't confirm her death under his watch. He would rather keep himself in denial. He would rather he was kept in the dark. He would rather they made a mistake, the one lying in the cold coffin is not his Cristina. His Cristina is just momentarily forgotten by the world, but she's still safe and sound in a certain corner of the world.

But he still couldn't convince himself to stay in a place full of her presence. Every patient room of GSM, every tile in GSM, every ounce of air reminded him of her smile, the curve of her lips and her perfume. Those scenes flashed repeatedly in his mind, over and over, driving him crazy. So the only choice he's left with was to run away. He could only run away from his worst nightmare again, just like he ran away from the army. The only difference was back then he was forced to leave the army, but now every cell inside him was shouting for him to leave. How ironic is that? On the day he came to hand in his resignation letter, he came across this couple and they tear his wound open again. The wound that he cautiously wrapped around, not wanting to expose the ulcerated and festering injury to everyone including himself.

"Don't..." Cristina wrapped her hands around his shaking fist. She stared at the blood smearing his hand. She understood that physical pain couldn't cover the wound in the heart. At that moment, she understood Owen's absence at her funeral. He cared about her. He was grieving for her. He just didn't have the courage to face her death. The military officer that went through war, blood and death couldn't face the loss of the love of his life.

Gently, Cristina kissed the fist that she protected in her hand. She sealed all her love in the kiss. _Even if I can't kiss your lips, at least allow me to console you in this way._

The kiss warmed and burned Owen's nerve at the same time. He abruptly realized what he was doing with the intern he just knew. He pushed her away with all the force left in his body like a raging lion, regardless of the strong force that bounce the girl's petite body against the rigid wall.

"What are you doing? What the hell you think you're doing?" Owen barked at her infuriately. He hated himself more rather than the hatred he felt towards the girl in front of him. He couldn't believe he was accepting the console that came from a treacherous intern. "Oh, I know, the old tradition of interns, hooking up with the attending for more surgeries. What makes you think you could seduce me?" Owen held her up to ridicule with the harshest words he could think of, stomping on her heart and dignity without mercy, as if ripping her heart apart could give him destructive relief.

"Oh, right. Your face. It is beautiful indeed, very attractive. What's more important is that you think you have the same Asian face with Dr. Yang. So this is where your confidence came from, right? You think you could used your resemblance to Dr. Yang to penetrate me and obtain what you want." Owen used the worst words he could possibly say. Staring at the pale face of the girl, he didn't understand why he felt such a strange sense of familiarity. _Gosh, I'm out of my mind, I must be crazy._ He told himself.

"Get out, get the hell out." He couldn't stand looking at the girl anymore. He couldn't stand his pathetic behaviour of looking for the slightest resemblance of Cristina from an unknown face. "Please, do it for me. Leave me alone, now!"

Cristina tried her best to straighten herself and left the staircase. Owen's words hurt her to the core, they hurt her feelings and her dignity. She might worship academic authority, but she never thought of trading her body for opportunities. No matter with Colin, Burke or Owen, the only reason she was with them was she used to love them. Maybe she wasn't capable of consoling Owen now because the woman Owen yearned and cherished is dead. Though just physically dead, but dead is dead. Technically, she was not the Cristina Yang she used to be anymore. Judging from his altitude, even if she told him the truth, he would only think it was some sort of her trick to approach him and take advantage of him.

Cristina was wandering around the hallways of the hospital like a ghost. It was late now. Mark, Penny and Lenard couldn't find her so they went home. Cristina smelt the fragrance of the night diffusing through the blinds. At that instinct, she felt the kind of lost she never felt before.  
"Sob sob..." Cristina heard a weeping came from the corner. Sorrow was filled in the hoarse voice. Cristina stopped in her tract and listened to the sob. The familiar voice made her sigh internally.

"Mrs. Baker, you should stay in your room." Following the source of the sound and stepped forward, she saw a chubby figure leaning against the corner, bending her head, her body twitching uncontrollably.  
"Dr. Lin." The woman was stunned by the question. She raised her head to see who the voice came from. "I just...I couldn't sleep." Her pale face was smeared with tears. The tears that she could shed in front of everyone in the day finally erupted at this moment like a volcano.

Cristina glanced at the flooding desperation swarmed her eyes and lamented again. Cristina sat on the ground leaning against her body.

"This was brought by our children when they came to check on me. They told me that it was delivered to our door after we left." Mrs. Baker was caressing a black velvety casket. The jewelry box is shaped into a gorgeous square shape wrapped with a pink pearlescent ribbon.

"There's a ring in it. Originally I thought he bought it for that woman, the saleswoman at the jewelry counter because it is the brand she worked for. I was thinking should I follow his wish and gave it to that woman or selfishly saved it for myself...he couldn't argue against me anymore after all...But I was wrong. I was completely wrong." Mrs. Baker's eyes were filled with tears again.

They fell down onto her neck like pearls. She put the box closer to her lips with trembling hands and sealed a deep kiss on it, "There was a note stuffed into it. It says: To my dearest Abby, happy 15th anniversary! Please forgive me for wondering around the jewelry counter all the time lately, but you know how hard it could be to pick the gift you would adore."

Cristina stared at the woman next to her, she was completely shocked. She watched her biting her fingers to suppress her uncontrollable quiver of her body but failed drastically.

"This is so hilarious! Hilarious! I thought he fell in love with someone else. I thought he didn't want me anymore. I thought he wanted to abandon our family. I even cursed him...I told him to go to hell! But it turns out that he was just picking the 15th anniversary gift for me. He was just trying to surprise me. The one he cherished, the one he loved was me...it was me..."  
"Oh god, this is hilarious!" The woman put her head onto Cristina's shoulder, her tears struck her baby blue scrub. "The last word I ever said to him, the last word I told him was...I wish you could go to hell!"


	22. Chapter 22 Scars and souvenirs

Chapter 22 Scars and souvenirs

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, they are my motivation. And yes, this is slow and a bit confusing at first but it's getting better and better so keep reading!

The nights in the hospital were always devastating, as of it absorbed in the sorrow, pain and desperation of the people that were forced to stay there and created a colour even darker than the darkness itself.

"It was not the last thing you said to him." Cristina took the woman's shoulder and consoled her in a low voice. "You still have a chance to make it up to him."

"What?" Mrs. Baker turned around, stunned at what she heard. She stared at the beautiful but slim face of the young intern.

"He's not dead yet, your husband." Cristina's eyes were shining like the dazzling stars in the dark sky. The initially dimmed light was stunning because of the dark background, burning from a small flame to a great fire. "He's just unresponsive to the outside, but there is no medical evidence that could prove he couldn't hear you. So you still have a chance to tell him whatever you want to."

"You're saying I should go and see him again?" Mrs. Baker's body began to tremble again. She stared at the box in her hands in panic and shook her heads violently. "No, no. I can't...I can't look at him now...I was so mean to him...he must hate me to the core now..."

"If he doesn't want to see you, he wouldn't have went all out to find the perfect gift for you." Cristina interrupted her doubt gently but firmly. "If you don't go and talk to him right now, I can ensure you that you'll regret it later, terribly."

Mrs. Baker stumbled into ICU under Cristina's assistance. The road that cost her several minutes felt like a life time to her. Every little detail in her relationship with Carl flashed back in her mind. Their first sight at the prom, the first bar where they dated, the awkwardness when she first met his parents, the cathedral they held their wedding, the birth of their first baby and...the endless arguments, making up and arguments again.

Mrs. Baker's eyes were flooded with tears. Pain, happiness, rage, devastation...all sorts of emotions overwhelmed her. Until at the end, Carl's serious but nervous face when he told her his wedding vows took over her mind.

 _I take Abby to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death do us part._

Till death do us part. _Honey, is it the time we have to say goodbye? Is this the end_?

"Okay, take a seat. Tell him whatever you want to. He's listening." Cristina reminded her gently and assisted her to sit beside Mr. Baker's bed.

Mrs. Baker raised her head and for the first time, she had a close look at her husband since the surgery. He was zigzagged with all kinds of tubes, his skin was connected to wires of various colours. The machines were constantly humming and beaming around him. But his face...his face was so calm and peaceful, like he was just taking a nap after the lunch, except that she couldn't convince herself that he was trapped in a dream that he could never be woken up.

"Honey." She reached out and put her hands over the back of his. The coldness in his hands made her heart stung. "Oh...baby..."

"Baby...I'm here...I'm here for you." She put a strand of his hairs under his ears with a shattering voice. "Look how untidy you are. How many times have I told you to cut your hair properly? You always said next time, next time...but now..."

"You know what, our babies were here at the hospital." She put her face closer to his and rubbed his face repeatedly. "You should know because she came to visit you. She's tougher than I do. She told me it's time to let you go...to set you free..."

"And...and I get your present." She took out a small box from her pocket and put it in the palm of his hand. "I like it so much. You finally get me something I like after so many years of marriage. I..."

She broke down into sobs. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Suddenly, she grabbed his hands. She used so much force that the tips of her fingers started to turn white in lack of blood supply.

"I'm...I'm so so sorry dear. I never wanted you to die...I wanted you to stay by my side for the rest of your life until I leave you first. Didn't we have a deal that I should be the one to die first and you took all the pain to live alone. But why...why did you break your promise?" Mrs. Baker couldn't stand her sorrow anymore, she melted down and mourned in a devastated tone that would break anyone's heart. She fell forward to her husband's body and wouldn't let go. She murmured the same words again and again, "I love you, Carl, I love you with all my heart."

"He loves you too. Always have, always will. He still...loves you now..." Cristina was standing behind her. She threw her hands over Mrs. Baker's shoulders.

The attending that was attracted by the devastated cry followed Mrs. Baker's will and unplugged the last tube that kept her husband alive.  
"Time of death, 1:23." The doctor looked at the clock hanging on the wall and claimed in a low voice. Mrs. Baker who was standing outside the glass of ICU exhaled deeply. It was finally done. Her nightmare was finally over. Watching him die was her worst nightmare. But she had to let him go because he wouldn't want to live like this. The man lying on the hospital bed fed on tubes was not the Carl she knew and fell in love with anymore.

"You can take this." She handed over the black velvet box to Cristina who was standing beside her. "Thank you for seeing me through the worst nightmare in my life."

Cristina was stunned at her reaction. She stared at the woman's tear-stricken face that was still wet. "Are you sure? I mean this is the last thing he left you. This is the present he gave you. This is the prove of his love. Don't you want to keep it as a souvenir and memory?"

The woman shook her head firmly. She even had a smile at the corner of her lips. "I don't need this to memorize Carl. He's everywhere in our house. He's in the bedroom, the kitchen, the garden...and..." She glanced at the box, her voice abruptly turned lower. "I think the message that distracted him when he was driving was about this present. I won't complain that it caused the accident and his life but I don't want to keep it..."

The woman turned her head and glanced at Mr. Baker's face that was covered by a white sheet by the nurse. She lamented almost silently. "I'll sell the house and everything in it after my husband...I mean Carl's funeral is over. I just made up my mind." Cristina stayed silent for a while. She didn't know what to comment. "Are you..."

"You want to say I move on too fast, right?" Mrs. Baker didn't look back over her shoulder to face Cristina, she just continued to gush over like she was talking to herself. "I'm not moving on. Moving on is the term used when a man is still alive and abandoned you. But my husband didn't ditch me. He had to leave. So I'm just choosing to live my life without his support." Her tone was becoming clearer and clearer with much more determination in it.

"The memories of our time would always engrave in my heart chambers. But I can't live in a place full of his trace. Cause those traces would remind me of him, they would remind me of the happiness that I lost and could never savage. They would trap me and drive me crazy. They would wrap me in the sorrow and make me incapable of moving forward."

The door of the elevator was closing slowly in front of Cristina. She saw a familiar face through the crack of the doors, a face that she used to sleep next to everyday. Her movements were stopped. She stiffened until the doors were closed with only a finger wide crack...She abruptly stuck her fingers into the crack to stop the elevator from closing.

"Wait!" She shouted out loudly. The doors bounced as soon as she stuck her fingers in. She flashed into the elevator.

"Are you out of your mind? It could hurt your fingers. You're a surgeon. The most crucial treasure you should cherish is your hands!" Owen was yelling at her furiously.  
Cristina stayed silent and lowered her heads. She faced the wall until everyone else left and it was only Owen and her in the small closed-off space.

"Dr. Hunt, do you have anywhere in mind that you would like to go when you quit your job?" Owen was dragged out of his anger towards the inappropriate way the intern treated her hands. He hesitated and replied instinctively, "I want to return to the army."

"You would nail it." Cristina cocked her head and complimented him.

"I'm..." Owen glanced at the girl's pale face and hesitated for a while before he finally said, "I'm sorry about last night on the staircase. I was...I was out of the line."

"No, I deserved it." Cristina shook her head firmly. "I wanted to take Dr. Yang's place and console you. You have the right to be mad at me."

"I'm not..."

"By the way, it's a new day now." Cristina interrupted Owen's unspoken words, "Someone taught me a lesson today with something wise. She said if you stay in a place full of traces, you wouldn't be able to move on." Owen was stunned at the girl's words. He was surprised how well she knew him. He raised his head in the attempt to catch her eyes, only to find that the doors were opened.

"It's the ground floor." Cristina exclaimed to the empty and spacious hall. "Your destination is reached."

"Aren't you heading to this floor as well?" Owen retorted.

"No, I'm not leaving the hospital. Not yet. So, this time, Dr. Hunt, you leave first." Cristina forced a smile and gestured Owen to leave.

Owen felt like something was exploding in his chest secretly but he didn't understand what that was for now. He stood there for while, but he finally moved forward and stepped out of the elevator.

 _Owen, this time you should go first and leave me behind._ Cristina tried her best to remain her smile at the lips. She gazed at the man walking further and further, and finally out of her life forever.

 _Owen, this time, you leave your back and all your pain to me_.

"You're crying?" A vigorous male voice came from the top of Cristina's head.  
She flustered open her eyes that were swallowed because the sob. As she expected, she saw Ben Warren's handsome face full of love and care.

She lowered his head and stared at the hot and still steaming coffee in his large rigid hands. _Gosh, it's coffee again? Why does it always have to be coffee?_

"Um...do you want some?" Noticing that the girl was staring at his coffee, Warren cringed and handed over the coffee to her. "You can take it...but I already had a snip so..."  
Cristina abruptly reached out on her tiptoes and pressed her exquisite body along with her lips close to the warmth in front of her. _Tonight, she just wanted to forget her past...she just wanted to escape from everything..._


	23. Chapter 23 Fools like me

Chapter 23 Fools Like me

A/N: Sorry for the MIA. I have some major issues going on in my life atm. I hope you still remember what the story is about. I will try to update as much as I can.

"Do you want to move into my place?" The three interns turned around abruptly and gaped at the pretty but exhausted face of Cristina.  
"Are you out of your mind? Is that why you gave me the invitation abruptly at one of these crappy days?" Lenard swung around with a mean smirk and pretended to put off his clothes. "You know, one can only have so much will power, if you insist, then I..."

"Eww, leave me alone. You stink. Next time when you try to hook up with a girl, pay attention to your personal hygiene and remember to shower." Cristina reached out and pushed the intern miles away from her promptly.

"Spill. What do you want?" Penny squinted her beautiful green eyes like a cat. She thought for a while before she asked calmly.

"Good. This is why I like you." Cristina nodded in appreciation. "Always straight to the point. I want you to pay me rent, keep an eye on me and stop me from doing stupid things just cause I'm lonely. Do these two things, and what you get is a room with ten minutes' walking distance to the hospital."

"Sounds like a reasonable deal." Penny thought. The apartments they were now renting were too far from the hospital. Her heart ached every time she thought about how much time she wasted on the road. "How much are you charging us?"

"What's your rent now?" Cristina asked seriously.

"Mine is the cheapest- 800 pw, Mark 1000 pw, Penny wanted individual shower and good light, so she's paying the most- 1200 pw." Lenard answered obediently, apparently surprised that Cristina was seriously considering the offer.

"In that case...I'll do you a favour, you're looking at 1500 pw." Cristina held onto her arms tightly and announced the rent with knitted brows.

"Fiona, you're a vampire." Penny and Lenard groaned at the same time with their eyes wide open. Even Mark who had been silent ever since the conversation started turned his eyes towards them.

"You're the one who asked us for accompany, and you're charging me more than my vendor did?" Penny gestured to choke Cristina and began to call her names.

"Wait." Cristina was now on her full vendor mode. She claimed matter-of-factly, "I have to make myself clear. I want you to supervise me, not to keep me company. These two have distinct opposite meanings. As long as you make sure I don't do anything stupid, I don't mind if you watch me with a telescope whilst you're having sex in your room. Besides," She stretched out five fingers with one hand and calculated, "On the one hand, the apartment you lived before has no garden, no grass, no pools, no individual bath tub and no television. You have to take one hour subway to go to work. On the other hand, the house I provide you with has unlimited wifi, no water or electricity bills, you could see ambulance driving into the driveway from your window and you can even beat the ambulance, arriving at the hospital sooner. Every day you get to sleep 40 minutes more than other interns and lay hands on all the surgical cases first. You can live in such a beautiful paradise for surgical interns for only 1500 dollars a month, not expensive at all."

Penny and Lenard were blinded by her description and found themselves seriously starting to consider moving into Cristina's house.

"But you don't have a pool." Lenard was struggling to protest.

"I have a back yard, wouldn't mind if you dig one yourself." Cristina shrugged.

"You're bad, very very bad. You know that, right?" Penny managed to let out the words from the slit of her teeth.

"Yes, I'm well aware of that." Cristina smirked. "Oh, right, I have to add that you also have access to a pretty spacious kitchen. The only permission to use that is to prepare an extra meal for me. I'm bad at cooking. Oh, and you three better set a schedule to supervise me. I don't want to spare myself any chance of eating out."

"Don't take me into account. I won't move in." Mark chided in abruptly and made his way pass the three to his locker.

Noticing his unusual stiffen look on his face, Cristina followed him immediately.

"Mean face, what are you mad at? You weren't quite yourself since yesterday?" Cristina intentionally used the nickname Lenard gave Mark.

"Fine, Chinglish. I am more than okay." Mark fired back coldly. Cristina turned pale at his newborn nickname for her. _You son of a bitch...who are you to judge my accent?_ The one thing Cristina felt uneasy about her body now was the accent and Mark was straight to the point.  
"Ok, fine, move in or not, do whatever you want. An Avery doesn't need to jump through all the hoops with us interns without a big family name." Cristina became the usual grumpy her as she was really mad at Mark. She thought she was being nice to him but he wouldn't buy it.

Mark clenched his jaw. He hated it when people mentioned his last name, let alone it was coming from the girl he had a crush on. He penetrated Cristina's ear and dropped the bomb, "I guess using family power is better than using yourself. I know where you were last night- Ben Warren's dirty mistress."

Cristina was stunned. She stumbled and followed Mark tightly. _He saw it! He freaking saw it!_ Cristina murmured to herself. She knew Warren was probably a rebound sex with no difference to Dr. Parker. It happened in the wrong time and the wrong place...more precisely, the supply closet. But she didn't regret it and she still doesn't. She was distressed. Owen just quit his job and left Grey Sloan Memorial out of blue. She needed some console. She needed some warmth and she happened to like Ben Warren...so she just rolled the dice. Plus, the coitus felt good. But that doesn't mean she wanted the gossip mill in the hospital acknowledge it.

"It was a one night stand, a one-off deal." Cristina lowered her voice. "And you are a stalker!"

"I did not stalk you." Mark retorted reluctantly. "I'm just...worried about you so I stayed and waited for you. I didn't expect to see such a...astonishing scenario..."

"Mark, you stalked me!" Cristina kept repeating it like it was some kind of mojo.

"I did NOT stalk you." Mark was drained by arguing with this girl. "I was...okay, I swear I won't tell anyone. This is our secret, satisfied?"

"Mark, why did you follow me?" Cristina was acting like a doggie that wouldn't let go of her bones.

"I did not stalk you!" Mark stopped in his track, defeated. "Fiona, what do you want?"

"Move in with me so you could...Erm...stalk me better!" Cristina faked a smile. She knew the best way to stop Mark from spreading the rumor was to keep him under her eyes.

"What?" Mark couldn't believe his ears. "You are out of your mind!"

"I am perfectly ok. I need you to keep an eye on me." Cristina tried her best to be patient with him. "Ok, I said I wanted to rent my house to you guys to stop myself from doing anything stupid just because I feel lonely. And now you know better than Penny and Lenard what I meant by 'doing anything stupid'. Mark, I am a girl that value her privacy and space, and now I am willing to share my house with you. Do you understand how scared I am for the episode to happen again?"

Mark stared into the Cristina's brown eyes. He tried to identify all the emotions roaming through her sclera.

"You really think it was a mistake?"

"Yes, a thorough mistake!" Cristina nodded. "A mistake that can't happen ever again!"

"If that's the case...then..." Mark lowered his head and seemed to be convinced.

"It is definitely not a mistake for me!" A furious male voice stopped Mark from his unspoken lines.

"Dr. Warren." Cristina saw the tall black figure. Now it was slowly getting to her that the one spreading rumors were not only Mark, but the one that was actually involved in the gossip.

Mark was startled and embarrassed. He fled the scene without a word like a startled bunny, left Cristina alone to face her furious one night stand.

"I am not a womanizer." Warren disclosed himself to her reluctantly. This girl was had his heart, but hers was so guarded that she never gave anyone a chance to penetrate. "I said I wanted you to consider a relationship with me. It is not a fling, or a rebound sex. I meant a serious relationship."

"I..." Cristina did not see this coming. She was not ready for a commitment as always. Warren lamented at her reaction. He knew she wasn't ready.

"Fiona, I'm not rushing you into anything. I just...last night was fantastic...really, I haven't been with anyone since Bailey and I divorced. I haven't felt so meant to be with anyone else...not only physically, but mentally. So promise me, don't answer me right away, just give it a thought."

Watching the girl's head turned lower and lower, for the first time he felt the sense of helplessness in a woman other than Bailey. _What's the problem with me? Why do I always fall for the women that are so...difficult and complicated? But then, she's an intern who just graduated. I can't rush her into a commitment._

"That's enough for the small talk. Fiona, I didn't come for the personal talk. There's a patient. I think you will like her case."

"A patient?" Cristina sprung up, her eyes sparkling. Warren signed for the second time of the night. Was he going to attract her attention only by mentioning the cases?

"Yes, she hit her head and was hospitalized this morning."


End file.
